Can’t make a decision on taking his name

[PoptartBarry]

Name change for this one (ha!)

I am getting married in one week and I still can’t make up my mind about changing my name. It’s driving me a bit mad so I want your opinions.

Have any of you changed your name and regretted it? Have any of you regretted NOT changing your name?

My surname is ‘foreign’ to English speakers, long and tricky for English speakers to pronounce so I’m not considering a double barrel. It would be too much!

Does anyone keep their maiden name at work and use their ‘married’ name in their private life? How do you feel about it now?

YABU = stop overthinking and change the name!

YANBU = no way, keep your own name!

Would love to hear your lived experiences.

I'm sorry, I don't understand?

Why on earth would you feel sorry for someone changing their name?

I was more than happy to change my name. My DH was happy to change his surname to mine but I preferred his.

Almost every married female I know has changed their name even the much younger than me ones.

A couple have double barreled but personally I dislike double barreled names. Most sound silly. I always wonder how they get on filling in forms as my surname has 10 letters and I struggle often to get that in the small gap given. Goodness knows how some of them fit in their 2 surnames

You said you like being "mrs" and you liked the "family unit". Neither require you to change your surname.

Why didn't you give your son your name to start with?

Never changed mine and absolutely no regrets.
Only regret is not giving DC my surname, sadly I knew that my IL’s would be having none of it and sadly gave in to keep the peace.
One if my DC wants to change to my surname even though we are still happily married etc.

Ah, I see, I mean I like being Mrs 'surname' and the 'surnames' as a family unit name. It could have been either of our names. I'm not disputing that you wouldn't be a family unit without this or a Mrs. I was just expressing the feeling that I liked having my married name

Smug, superior and judgemental.

I kept mine with no regrets, it's not a big deal to keep your name. Offer him yours if he wants you both to have the same surname.

25 years ago my husband took my name and me his. The DCs are young adults now and always say how much they love it because their names are a little story of their both halves.

I did change my surname to DH's when we got married 31 years ago. I'd grown up quite sheltered and didn't even realise that you didn't have to change.

I don't regret it as such, and I do like our surname (I liked my maiden name too). However, I do wish that I had kept my own surname as an additional middle name. It was such a large part of my identity. It makes me a little bit sad occasionally that I didn't do that, but it was pre internet days with information not so easily available and I just didn't know at the time. I still occasionally toy with the idea of adding it back in again now by deed poll. DH has also said that he would add it in to his names too if I were to do that.

If I were getting married these days I wouldn't change my name.

My mother in law ignored what we had done for two years and refused to send cards addressed to both surnames . Which was fine because I love her and know she just thought it was all a bit odd . We don't use a hyphen just each surname. Love it so much I'm glad I stood my ground

I sort-of changed mine. My DH's surname is forrin and quite exotic and has a lovey sound to it. So I changed it in my day to day life, but I never changed any of my official documents because I simply could not be arsed. My maiden name is very seriously boring and I relish the chance to have something a very great deal more interesting.

So 20 years married and my DL, passport etc are all in my maiden name.

I use my two surnames interchangeably depending on how I feel at the time. I have bank accounts in both names. And I like ticking the box on various official forms that ask if you are known by other names.

yeah- my older DS has (counts quickly) a name that has 12 syllables in total. DS2 has 10. (Both have two middle names and their surname.... done to honour various family members). They fit on their passport applications and are on their passports but not on other various forms. It's never been an issue though.

@PoptartBarry I changed mine. As a feminist it did pain me initially but I wanted us all to have the same surname if we had kids. Double barrelling wasn't an option as our names just don't go together well, and my husband was more established in his career (self employed using his name). We compromised by both adding my maiden name as a middle name, and our kids now have it to. To be honest, it took a few months to get used to it but it's now as much my name as my maiden name used to be, and I'm very glad our kids have the same name as us. It would have bothered me if the kids had "his" name but not mine, and we feel like a family unit. No regrets.

It’s a personal decision and there’s no right or wrong. I changed mine because I wanted us and any future children to all have the same name. I also wasn’t attached to my previous surname because I associate it with my dad who I don’t get on with. Some women see their surname as a big part of their identity and that’s fine, but I didn’t.

Or, it could be that some women have their own brains and want to change their names.

As long as a woman has the choice whether to change or not, there is no correct answer as to what they/ we do.

I changed mine for a bit at work and then when I started a new job I changed it back, it just didn't feel right. Much happier keeping my own name and still very happily married 15 years later.

Yep, there's nothing more feminist than assuming that any woman who has a different opinion than you is oppressed and incapable of making their own decisions👌

Why isn't your husband-to-be on social media right now asking for advice on whether to keep his name?

Unless yours is exceptionally long and difficult and you've always hated it, keep it. And give it to your kids. They'll thank you one day for not being Miller, Brown or Smith.

You probably know people who didn't change their names but you haven't realised. I bet my DC parents think my surname is the same as DCs. People that know me via work know my surname but don't necessarily realise DH has different one etc.

First marriage: took husband’s name and had a baby with husband (and my then) surname. I never liked having a new surname.

Divorced: Reverted to maiden name. Child kept Dad’s/their surname.
Second marriage: Didn’t take husband’s surname. Had another baby who had second husband’s surname.

So I have my birth surname and my two children have different surnames from me and each other. It has caused no problems, ever.

My surname is foreign and much more difficult to spell and pronounce. My child’s names are English, phonetically pronounced and not unusual.

Same here @wombat15
It's only my DH's side who still send me cards assuming I have the same name as him.

I always book our hotels or if we do something through work he gets referred to as Mr Feet.
It's not common but I think there are more women about that have kept their own surname than some posters think.