To consider reporting him

[cantbelieveimaskingthis2]

I have a much younger brother who is now in his late 20s. He had a very difficult childhood as our parents have a lot of problems (disability, mental illness and some substance abuse), and whilst they love/d us, they often couldn’t care well for us. After I left home my bro was quite neglected, physically and emotionally.

I love him to bits, he was a gorgeous child. But I fear has not grown into a very nice adult.

The dilemma is this. He went to uni but having graduated with an ok degree, he has never had a job, ever. He doesn’t want to work in an office (fair enough) and has had various ideas but never settled on anything. However he rents a decent flat (i think a housing benefit scam maybe), always has plenty of disposable income. He travels extensively. He doesn’t live extravagantly but he has nice clothes, and travels well, ie: eats out for 3 meals a day for 6 months of the year when he is abroad.

It’s become apparent to me recently what is staring my family in the face which is there is no way he is coming by this money legally. My parents believe him when he says he’s just very frugal with his benefits money. But I know what things cost and there’s no way people on the dole can afford to be living it up in Thailand for months at a time? When I’ve asked him he’s given various excuses or deflections about investing in crypto but a few questions show he knows nothing about crypto so its obviously not true.

Our family are poor working class, there are no secret inheritances or anything.

So. I have concluded he’s probably up to no good but I can’t be sure. He‘s a gentle giant and i couldn’t imagine him harming anyone but he is a big bloke. He could if he wanted to. And with the amount of money and travel, it feels like he’s not small-time dabbling either. I have this feeling he’s doing something bad-bad. Something that could get him in real trouble. Or hurt. Or others hurt. But I have no evidence.

WIBU to report him to the police to try and force him out of whatever mess he is in?

I know for sure he will not listen even if I beg him to stop whatever it is I think he’s up to. After all he’s living his best life I guess.

Pretty sure you already posted about him a couple of months ago. Was there something in that thread that wasn’t covered?
As we told you last time, your brother doesn’t want any help. You don’t know about the source of his income so there is nothing to report. And you should step away as he is being violent in front of your kids.

He‘s a gentle giant and i couldn’t imagine him harming anyone but he is a big bloke.

Is he a big handsome bloke? Is it possible he’s gotten sexually involved with a rich person who’s financing his life?

I don’t think so. But couldn’t rule it out. He is conventionally attractive, but not very charming

What can you report him for? You don’t know what he’s doing so nothing you could tell the police about

Well remembered, yes I did post a while back, though with a different question. That was about whether I could help him. I heard the responses, and I agree I don’t think he wants help. This is a bit of a different question I didn’t ask at the time, about whether it would be the ethical thing to do to alert the police about my suspicions, on the basis that it feels like a matter of time before he comes to harm. But then he’d come to harm in prison too so… i don’t know.

One slight point of correction - he wasn’t violent in front of my kids. He freaked them our because his behaviour was odd. Him breaking things was later when all kids in bed. He’d never hurt them, but I have decided not to have them in contact with him as I am worried about his lifestyle choices.

I can't see anything about him being violent- was that mentioned in another post?

OP, he is probably involved in the drugs trade to a greater or lesser degree. You can report him if you like but the police won't do anything overt just on your say-so. He might be under surveillance already, in which case your report might help to corroborate their suspicions.

Your best bet is to strengthen your own boundaries around him. Don't tolerate poor behaviour from him, don't get involved with him financially, call him out on obvious bullshit if you like (he is your brother, after all).

Yes you would be unreasonable. He's your brother. What exactly would you tell the police? And what do you think they would do?

If he is up to no good, he can suffer the consequences by himself.

Dunno… my suspicions? I can make a pretty educated guess as to what all those trips to thailand and mexico are about

He's a drug smuggler ?

He will eventually get caught

The poster recalled another post (written under a different user ID, so kudos to them for remembering the details) about the same brother. I said I was worried about him and questioned whether i could do an intervention of some sort.

There was a family gathering where he frightened my kids and caused damage to a rental property which was in my name and scared the grownups. Him being crazy and causing damage was when the kids were in bed, he wasn’t violent to or in front of them, though his behaviour in general was out of line. He scared the kids because his behaviour was odd, no sense of boundaries etc.

So not a gentle giant at all, then 🤔
Of course he’s into something dodgy, op.
A blind man on a galloping horse could see that.

That’s what I fear.

And if he’s caught in some of the places he goes to, he’d face the death penalty.

If i reported him in the UK and he was arrested here I could prevent that happening at least

Yes I can see which is why i’m posting. I’m not asking if people think he’s up to no good. I’m sure he is.

Do you think I should report him is the question. Because in doing so I could perhaps prevent a worse outcome of him being killed or facing consequences overseas somewhere the prisons are a lot worse than here

Op - I think my brother is a drug smuggler
PC - What makes you think that
OP - He can afford many things I can't when he is on the dole.
PC - Have you seen him with drugs
OP - No
PC - erm...

But there’s nothing concrete to report, other than him living beyond his means.

I dunno - always has loads of cash (like money cash) and i suspect crimes… i sort of thought that would be interesting to the cops. Like a tip off. Maybe I’m being naive and they wouldn’t care.

Errrr reporting your baby brother to the POLICE when he hasn't committed a crime??? That's insane

But I think he has. Pretty bad crimes. Because nothing else really makes sense in terms of how he’s coming by all this cash. And I can kid myself probably he’s just doing stuff where no one gets hurt but really I don’t think you make that amount of money doing illegal stuff where no one gets hurt. I’m really worried.

True.

i suppose firstly i don’t know how the police works. If you need solid evidence or can just report a suspicion.

What if I could get evidence? Like a confession? I’ve never tried just straight up confronting him. If I did get a confession or something so I had evidence would it then be right in those circumstances to report a very loved family member for whom I only want good things? On the basis that if I didn’t, he is likely to end up in a foreign jail or dead?

Or I accept his fate is his own.

If you know him well enough to know the ins and outs of his finances and travel, just ask him.

To what end though? If he told me ‘yes i’m a gangster’ what should I morally do with that information? Should I report him?

Oh, the drug trade hurts PLENTY of people, including the 12 and 13 year old kids (sometimes younger) who get caught up in county lines, the trafficked men and women working in grow houses, the completely innocent passrs-by who get caught up in stupid-arse gang violence... so it's a dangerous violent trade whatever some people would like you to think.

If you do decide to report it, you might find it easier to speak to Crimestoppers rather than the police. Do NOT tell him or anyone you've reported him.

@cantbelieveimaskingthis2

The Police will not - I fear - be interested.

I used to work [years ago] dealing with fraud. People would supply information but in probably 95% of the cases it was not either relevant or not true!

Yes I hear you on the drug trade hurting people.

If you met him you’d think this guy could never hurt a fly he’s so gentle. But even if he never personally hurt anyone clearly this type of industry really does.

Drugs is one of two things I can think of that would explain all the cash and international travel. Well, three - another poster suggested he could be involved in sex work himself which I wouldn’t rule out, it’s possible. The third possibility is he could be involved in some way in trafficking people / women, like Andrew Tate style. But that’s even worse and I can’t bear to think it.