To consider reporting him

[cantbelieveimaskingthis2]

I have a much younger brother who is now in his late 20s. He had a very difficult childhood as our parents have a lot of problems (disability, mental illness and some substance abuse), and whilst they love/d us, they often couldn’t care well for us. After I left home my bro was quite neglected, physically and emotionally.

I love him to bits, he was a gorgeous child. But I fear has not grown into a very nice adult.

The dilemma is this. He went to uni but having graduated with an ok degree, he has never had a job, ever. He doesn’t want to work in an office (fair enough) and has had various ideas but never settled on anything. However he rents a decent flat (i think a housing benefit scam maybe), always has plenty of disposable income. He travels extensively. He doesn’t live extravagantly but he has nice clothes, and travels well, ie: eats out for 3 meals a day for 6 months of the year when he is abroad.

It’s become apparent to me recently what is staring my family in the face which is there is no way he is coming by this money legally. My parents believe him when he says he’s just very frugal with his benefits money. But I know what things cost and there’s no way people on the dole can afford to be living it up in Thailand for months at a time? When I’ve asked him he’s given various excuses or deflections about investing in crypto but a few questions show he knows nothing about crypto so its obviously not true.

Our family are poor working class, there are no secret inheritances or anything.

So. I have concluded he’s probably up to no good but I can’t be sure. He‘s a gentle giant and i couldn’t imagine him harming anyone but he is a big bloke. He could if he wanted to. And with the amount of money and travel, it feels like he’s not small-time dabbling either. I have this feeling he’s doing something bad-bad. Something that could get him in real trouble. Or hurt. Or others hurt. But I have no evidence.

WIBU to report him to the police to try and force him out of whatever mess he is in?

I know for sure he will not listen even if I beg him to stop whatever it is I think he’s up to. After all he’s living his best life I guess.

Ask him then go from there. If he’s carrying around thousands on him why would he bother with the housing benefit scam for £100 a week.

Unlikely but it is possible he’s won the lottery.

@cantbelieveimaskingthis2 The other option then is the 3 wise people, hear no evil, speak no evil and see no evil ?

that too,

You’d be most welcome to. I’d be able to show the invoice showing i paid the vat. If the builder’s preference is for cash thats his business.

Tax avoidance is wrong. Benefits fraud is wrong. Drug trafficking is really super duper wrong.

that’s an idea.

Like i said though i know i’m right. And i think if i confront him he’ll admit it.

My original question what seems about a hundred years ago now though is what i do with that knowledge.

holy trinity the amount of assumptions you have there, even if you had truth serum it would be no certainty that you would get the intel you wanted

I have no idea on the housing benefit scam.

he did mention at one point he had 40k in an offshore account but he said it was from crypto.*

i don’t know why he’d say that (which was easily proven to be untrue) if he could have just said he’d won it on a bet or lottery or something.

*before anyone jumps on me because he’s said he doesn’t trust banks I KNOW none of this makes sense. I am repeating various things he’s done and said at various times, all of which point in the same direction. But I have preferred to turn my head for years when i got this nonsense from him, to keep the peace. And now it’s just too obvious.

A lot of your posts don't really make sense OP, particularly the housing benefit stuff. If he's entitled to UC then he will get the housing element part of that which is a fixed amount (not very much for a single man with no dependents). That amount would be the same regardless of how expensive his flat is. There's no way he could be making a significant amount of money by "scamming" it. For example, where I live I think the housing element is capped at about £400 for a single person. You couldn't get even a studio for that, you would probably only just get a room in a shared house.

You also said he claimed unemployment just to do this housing benefit scam. Well surely if he was already unemployed he was already claiming UC? If not then he wasn't claiming benefits he was entitled to, doesn't sound like much of a scammer.

Based on this, I'd say you don't know as much as you think you do and in your position I wouldn't be risking my relationship with my brother with no evidence.

I also think "most drug dealers end up murdered" is a massive over exaggeration. That and some of the terminology you use ("the cops", "gangsters") make me think you're probably watching too many American crime dramas!

Cops is quicker to type on phone 😂

And the multiple burner phones 🤣 I don’t think anyone even uses them anymore??

Why don’t you just confront him then?!! Text him now and keep us updated? 😬

I see him with more than one phone! Cheap ones. That he changes.

I was thinking of doing that. I think it’ll need to be a call though. A text he can just delete

They definitely wouldn’t give any credence or waste resources on a random woman’s vague suspicion about her brother appearing to live beyond his means, enjoy travel, and carry cash. Hope that helps.

It does.

i do have more than vague suspicions, but whenever i post them mumsnet filter out my posts so we’ll just leave it there.

i wondered what was happening with them

what about code words for certain words ? so they dont get filtered and still say similar

Maybe he is jus frugal and careful with his money?? You don't need that much money to live a bit of a high life in Thailand

You are getting a hard time here OP. My work involves organised crime especially the drugs trade and laundering of the proceeds. Everything you say screams involvement. Given the amount of cash he has, the talk about crypto (he may not be investing in it but there's probably money laundered through it), his lifestyle, it sounds like he could be quite enmeshed in a OCG, not a drugs mule but someone who has more of a senior role.

It's also perfectly possible for the police to investigate sources of unexplained wealth. They have a specific tool which gives them this power albeit it's not used that often.

I don't know what I'd do if I was in your situation though. I think the only thing you can do really is protect yourself and your family.

Hello OP,
slightly different post here as I am a somewhat similar position to your brother. I am educated like him but took a break from working and haven't really gone back in again. However, I spent time whilst working to create alternative income streams through investments etc, which allow me to live comfortably though not extravagantly, legally and whilst paying all my taxes, so it can be done (I wouldn't consider myself anymore than average intelligence). Due to the nature of my wider family I have had to learn to tolerate, in turns, insinuations (some ridiculous and frankly deeply insulting) and then over the top hand-wringing about my financial solvency despite the lack of an apparent job. Should a relative report me to the authorities without even the courtesy of a direct conversation beforehand I would assume it was motivated by jealousy and it would be terminal for the relationship, I simply wouldn't engage again. I obviously can't speak for your brother and to your motives but I would strongly suggest you have a direct conversation putting all your cards and concerns on the table, making clear the consequences of illegal activity are for the whole family not just him, rather than going straight to the authorities. If he goes no contact then you have no chance to influence him going forward.

I wrote a long post and it got filtered out too. I'm not sure what word in particular but I think I can guess and that would suggest you're entirely right to have your suspicions if your posts are being filtered for the same reason OP.

Being vague, I work in the area. Everything you've said is a big red flag and very typical behaviour. I'm sorry. I think the only thing you can do is protect yourself and your family.

ill admit its likely, but then my go to is 007 for anything

I would not be getting involved. One - because I don't believe the police would do anything on the basis of what you could tell them. But secondly, because I would be far too concerned about any consequences to me or my family for snitching.

It's also worth saying that the police do have access to to what are known as 'unexplained wealth orders' where they can freeze someone's accounts until the person is able to demonstrate that the source of the money is legit. So the police can investigate people are seem to be living beyond their means.

You can’t report him with no proof of a crime. The reality is that the police won’t investigate. He may find out you reported him and you will get the associated stress for the situation and it will make your life difficult while he just carries on as he is