To consider reporting him

[cantbelieveimaskingthis2]

I have a much younger brother who is now in his late 20s. He had a very difficult childhood as our parents have a lot of problems (disability, mental illness and some substance abuse), and whilst they love/d us, they often couldn’t care well for us. After I left home my bro was quite neglected, physically and emotionally.

I love him to bits, he was a gorgeous child. But I fear has not grown into a very nice adult.

The dilemma is this. He went to uni but having graduated with an ok degree, he has never had a job, ever. He doesn’t want to work in an office (fair enough) and has had various ideas but never settled on anything. However he rents a decent flat (i think a housing benefit scam maybe), always has plenty of disposable income. He travels extensively. He doesn’t live extravagantly but he has nice clothes, and travels well, ie: eats out for 3 meals a day for 6 months of the year when he is abroad.

It’s become apparent to me recently what is staring my family in the face which is there is no way he is coming by this money legally. My parents believe him when he says he’s just very frugal with his benefits money. But I know what things cost and there’s no way people on the dole can afford to be living it up in Thailand for months at a time? When I’ve asked him he’s given various excuses or deflections about investing in crypto but a few questions show he knows nothing about crypto so its obviously not true.

Our family are poor working class, there are no secret inheritances or anything.

So. I have concluded he’s probably up to no good but I can’t be sure. He‘s a gentle giant and i couldn’t imagine him harming anyone but he is a big bloke. He could if he wanted to. And with the amount of money and travel, it feels like he’s not small-time dabbling either. I have this feeling he’s doing something bad-bad. Something that could get him in real trouble. Or hurt. Or others hurt. But I have no evidence.

WIBU to report him to the police to try and force him out of whatever mess he is in?

I know for sure he will not listen even if I beg him to stop whatever it is I think he’s up to. After all he’s living his best life I guess.

If this is genuine I’m sympathetic to your dilemma OP😞

Unless you have reasonably concrete information for the police, and / or there’s already intelligence linking him to possible crimes, I don’t imagine they will do much.

But if the police did act and the crimes are as you suspect, he could be looking at a life sentence in the UK (for class A drug imports) or up to a death sentence in Thailand or Mexico. Neither are good options!

I would keep the communication open with him, tell him you love him. Would stopping place him at risk? Does he feel trapped in this life?

One of the problems is that if he stopped what he is doing, he is used to a certain lifestyle and has not worked, so he probably cannot visualise a good exit strategy that doesn’t involve a massive hit on his quality of life.

Can you speak openly to him about these things without placing yourself at risk?

Very few people said that. Most of us have said it’s not very nice — as well as a waste of time — to make a vague report to the police with wild suspicions but absolutely zero evidence of any crime being committed.

OP if you truly believe that violent crime is the only way a person could live the way your brother does, I would gently suggest that there is a lot you don’t know about the world. It is likewise very naive to assume that just because you are related to someone know everything about him, understand his capabilities and motivations and what is or is not possible for him. I think you will one day come to realize that what you are interpreting as fact is actually a very tiny fraction of what is possible, filtered through your own biases, experiences, expectations and fears. We all have blind spots, especially when it comes to our families and even more so if you’ve had a difficult childhood. But one of the most beautiful things about life is how very surprising it can be. And I don’t say that in a Jesus/magic/ghosts/“The Secret” kind of way, I mean literally real events happen that you would not in a million years have predicted. At the same time, things you thought for sure were true may not be, or if they are it is way more complicated than you could have imagined.

You don't have to have proof of a crime to report suspicious circumstances. Indeed, the police have been running a long campaign making precisely that point.

It may be just a piece of information that they will tuck away for the moment. But it may be a lot more. It could be, for instance, that they are already looking at suspicious activity surrounding OP's brother and her information will trigger a full investigation. It could be that her evidence will tie in with other evidence from different sources to point them at the organisation he's working with. Or it may go nowhere, but that isn't a reason in itself not to report.

Just leave him alone. If he's doing something wrong, it will catch up with him eventually. You seem hell bent on seeing him get into trouble.

You literally have no proof of anything. Worry about your own things

What makes you so sure it's not crypto?

I understand your concerns and why you'd want to do this in light of the places he's potentially trafficking drugs through. IF he is trafficking drugs, and he might not be, trafficking through these countries is potentially worst nightmare scenario for anyone who's loved ones are involved in that. I don't think the police will be interested, but if they are, its possible if they didnt have sufficienf evidence to arrest him here they'll communicate with the ofher country and he'll get arrested out there. I don't know if the UK have done that or what agreements they have with Thailand and Mexico in regards to cross border crime, but it's happened in Australia before with the Bali 9 and another unrelated drug smuggler, the police tipped off the other country instead of waiting to catch them when they returned home and they were arrested there. I still don't know what to think of this given I adhor drug smuggling but I also think the death penalty is barbaric and wrong.

You're still trying to save him from himself and taking on consequences for him, thats what this whole thread is. IF he is trafficking drugs and gets caught that is on him. There are still occupations where you can get paid in cash and he might be working cash in hand on top of getting benefits. You not having reported him for potentially being a drug smuggler doesn't mean you're in any way responsible for the consequences of his actions if that's what he's chosen to do. For the sake of your own mental health you need to find a way to let go of this, you're not responsible for him or for how his life turned out. If you can afford it I'd get therapy to help you take a real step back and let go of those misplaced feelings you're responsible for what happens in his life.

filtering of posts? Sure. Has anyone ever posted something and it’s been ‘filtered’ with no message?

no.

i think we should all leave the op to enjoy what ever is going on in her head

What I meant to say is, maybe the ex will have proof or an idea how to get proof. Because if you choose to report him it is better to have proof and not just a suspicion.

Also, am I the only one confused how is he out of the country for months while on UC? I am on UC and I have to attend in person meetings and can't just piss off out of the country for months and still receive UC... Am I missing something?

I can't believe you're getting called toxic when it's as plain as the nose on your face that he's not only involved in something v dodgy to get the money, he's then quite incredibly using your dad to launder it which could get them both banged up! Moneylaundering is a properly serious white collar crime that can get you sentenced for up to 14 years. Feeling worried for your dad, to be honest. Can you advise him not to "help" your brother again and keep your fingers crossed he's not arrested too when your brother's life finally catches up with him? For that reason alone I'd be careful about reporting him but I'd put some serious distance between you and DB, to protect yourself and your kids when the sh** hits the fan.

Interesting that I'm re-watching the Black List and have chanced upon this post.. it all seems very dramatic.

But what I would say is that if the nice but dim criminal mastermind who isn't, is on UC, but he doesn't trust banks or use cards, then how the heck is he using his benefits money? And if he's not, it will be building up in his account and will get flagged eventually as they have algorithms for that.... and as others have mentioned, the LHA doesn't cover full rent, especially for a single person without dependents.

I'm definitely intrigued though, especially with the "filtered posts" as well.

Following with interest.

To actually answer your question, I would just have a conversation with him, have him admit to how he makes his money and ask him how he keeps himself safe. If only so he knows that you care about him and this hopefully motivates him in some way to remain alive/out of jail abroad.

Police will likely be disinterested unless he is somehow already on their radar. If they are interested in his affairs, would you be willing to go to court? Work with them to have your brother prosecuted? I wouldn't personally be willing to do that so I would leave it alone.

My brother sold drugs on a smaller scale when he was young. He avoided any criminal convictions and is now a normal grown up man with a professional health care job who never even uses drugs himself.

If he is involved in drug smuggling at a high enough level to be making the kind of money you mention, would it be safe for you and your DC to report him?

Although he may not harm you himself whether due to love or being in prison as a result of your report or both, the dodgy people he's involved in might

If I found out he was involved with child sexual exploitation or trafficking of women then I think I'd be morally compelled to report him but I probably wouldn't for drugs, although I'd still want to know the truth and you can do your best to warn him off

I live in Thailand. If he is caught, you will never see him again.

It would be better for him to go off a balcony than be in a Thai prison.

I personally know of someone (from the UK) who got 10 years here for selling weed before it was decriminalised.

It is likely he is buying pills here amd bringing them back to sell. You can get almost everything from the right pharmacy.

He is probably putting them into paracetamol bottles etc and has been lucky to evade detection.
you could quite easily bring back hundreds of pills spread through cabin and hold luggage (especially if you have fake prescriptions which are also incredibly easy to get here).

The reality is that the police in the UK are too busy to be bothered unless you have some level of evidence.
This would need to be a recorded phone call with him admitting it, photos of drugs /pills and them portioned into bags (the appearance of being prepared for selling) etc

It would be a pointless exercise to report right now.

If you really want him caught whilst in the UK the only thing you can do is an anonymous tip when he is flying into the UK (make sure you do it when his plane has left thailand).
Give his name, flight details and say he is suspected of smuggling drugs.

He will then get stopped in the airport and searched.

This will be a big deal.
He will go away for a VERY long time if this is what he is doing.

You need to decide what you want to do.

Would I report?...
No.

He is an adult and the consequences will come in whatever form they come in. What he is supposedly doing is not a victimless crime and people dealing in drugs deserve what they get imo

Justice will likely be served one way or another as these things usually catch up to people who don't have incredibly powerful connections.

Benefits don't pay for expensive flats. Nor do big-time criminals waste time subletting said flat for £100 profit. Clearly you don't even know if he actually claims benefits.
If you really think he's doing something more abhorrent than drugs, that even be spoken on mumsnet, just stay away for your own sake.