To consider reporting him

[cantbelieveimaskingthis2]

I have a much younger brother who is now in his late 20s. He had a very difficult childhood as our parents have a lot of problems (disability, mental illness and some substance abuse), and whilst they love/d us, they often couldn’t care well for us. After I left home my bro was quite neglected, physically and emotionally.

I love him to bits, he was a gorgeous child. But I fear has not grown into a very nice adult.

The dilemma is this. He went to uni but having graduated with an ok degree, he has never had a job, ever. He doesn’t want to work in an office (fair enough) and has had various ideas but never settled on anything. However he rents a decent flat (i think a housing benefit scam maybe), always has plenty of disposable income. He travels extensively. He doesn’t live extravagantly but he has nice clothes, and travels well, ie: eats out for 3 meals a day for 6 months of the year when he is abroad.

It’s become apparent to me recently what is staring my family in the face which is there is no way he is coming by this money legally. My parents believe him when he says he’s just very frugal with his benefits money. But I know what things cost and there’s no way people on the dole can afford to be living it up in Thailand for months at a time? When I’ve asked him he’s given various excuses or deflections about investing in crypto but a few questions show he knows nothing about crypto so its obviously not true.

Our family are poor working class, there are no secret inheritances or anything.

So. I have concluded he’s probably up to no good but I can’t be sure. He‘s a gentle giant and i couldn’t imagine him harming anyone but he is a big bloke. He could if he wanted to. And with the amount of money and travel, it feels like he’s not small-time dabbling either. I have this feeling he’s doing something bad-bad. Something that could get him in real trouble. Or hurt. Or others hurt. But I have no evidence.

WIBU to report him to the police to try and force him out of whatever mess he is in?

I know for sure he will not listen even if I beg him to stop whatever it is I think he’s up to. After all he’s living his best life I guess.

There's a little matter of "And he's regularly making trips to Thailand and Mexico. And constantly has more cash than is feasible when you're on benefits. And uses burner phones." I suspect that could definitely arouse some interest.

Well he didn’t become unemployed because he was never employed to begin with. He deliberately went out to find a flat which would max out what benefits he could get.

i’m not sure of the specifics as i didn’t want to know but that was the gist anyway.

I have no idea why he’d do it, agree it’s risky for little benefit. But people aren’t always logical

firstly thats quite an assumption and many have been made, personally unless your the security services then whos to say if he was intelligence etc you could be risking his cover etc

So? I know loads of people who go to Thailand and Mexico regularly. The truth is she has no idea where the money has come from.

‘Burner phone’ or just another number?

WIBU to report him to the police

What for? “My brother has a lot of money and I don’t know where it comes from” is not evidence of any crime being committed.

If he is up to something, you do realise the police wouldn’t just suggest that he change his ways, right? Just not really sure how, if you love your brother, you think his life would be improved by a long spell in prison and how you imagine he’d turn his life around afterwards. (Clue: he wouldn’t, and the most likely outcome would be that he’d end up a homeless addict.)

i’d thought so.

i’d love to be wrong. I’d love for the police to laugh at me and tell me i’m mad.

Sorry but I just don’t believe that - if he’s making that much money, why would he start an elaborate con for £100 in housing benefit? Surely he’d be too busy planning his next trip to Thailand!!

No, burner phones! He always has multiples on the go.

c’mon now. I get the devil’s advocate thing. I’ve spent a decade explaining to myself that there must be a perfectly innocent explanation. But there just isn’t. A blind idiot could see he is in crime. I’ve just buried my head for years

nope, not in a world of espionage, corporate espionage, etc crime is not the only answer

Look you can question all you want.

the benefit thing is true as he told me and he has no reason to lie i can think of. Stupid yes, but there we are

the drugs stuff i am certain is the case. He just bought a jetski ffs. A jetski.

Maybe you should tell him it's not the 1990s anymore, modern phones take more than one sim card at a time so you can use multiple numbers but not look like a drug dealer.

But you don’t have any evidence; you say you 100% know for a fact he drug smuggles but how do you know this, because he has wads of cash?

how do you know he doesn’t deal with stolen goods? Someone else isn’t financing his lifestyle (not your parents)? What if he won some money on the lottery/gambling?

he could be a stock broker on wall street etc

And probably loves winding up his fantasist sister!

Also why would he be flashing his multiple burner phones to his sister? Wouldn’t he just use telegram, kik or a similar app?

i did not think of that aspect, it could be that too

Same reason he's flashing wads of £1000s but letting her always pay for dinner I assume!

Hi op
I don’t have a clear view on this so I suspect what I write will be a bunch of a contradictory things.

• you are right. A prison sentence in the UK is so very much more favourable than court proceedings and punishment elsewhere. The UK, whilst not perfect, has a judicial system, and prisons that meet some criteria.
• It sounds as though you are very clear what the reality is regarding his income and that it’s not a suspicion. That’s a hard thing to live with.
• prisons in the UK, whilst better than Mexico or Dubai, are still awful places to be. Not many people come out ‘better’ than they went in. Their ability to get employment, get a bank account, rent a home, get insurance are all very damaged after. Of course on top of that there is the complete degradation of physical and mental health that happens to most who have to spend time locked up. It’s better than death in Mexico but still not an experience tahg I believe helps 99% of people.
• you are his big sister and your instinct is to fix this. It might be that you can’t. Drug money is easy. And after making that amount of cash people don’t want to go and work in Tesco or go back into education etc and earn tiny sums (in comparison).
• drugs , crime etc takes people into a certain world and you remain a link to who he is, his family background etc. I think keeping that connection open is key.
• boundsries are also vital. If trouble does come knocking you need to protect your family and children.

i wish you well. It can’t be easy.

I thought drug smugglers were known for their generosity 🤷‍♀️ 🤣

He definitely isn’t!

i don’t think it‘s feasible that he has a legitimate, yet secret job. Thats so secret he has to make out on his socials that he’s unemployed? And that lets him travel all the time?

c’mon. I’d love that to be true. But I don’t think it is.

Do we all have a moral obligation to report OP to the police and HMRC for paying her builders with cash and therefore most likely avoiding tax?

Omg leave him alone! Don't be a grass, and also don't get involved you don't know how dangerous things like that can be if there's drugs involved etc. seriously you need to back off

Does he have an ex you can ask if she knows anything about what he's up to?

I’m imagining “the wire” right now