To consider reporting him

[cantbelieveimaskingthis2]

I have a much younger brother who is now in his late 20s. He had a very difficult childhood as our parents have a lot of problems (disability, mental illness and some substance abuse), and whilst they love/d us, they often couldn’t care well for us. After I left home my bro was quite neglected, physically and emotionally.

I love him to bits, he was a gorgeous child. But I fear has not grown into a very nice adult.

The dilemma is this. He went to uni but having graduated with an ok degree, he has never had a job, ever. He doesn’t want to work in an office (fair enough) and has had various ideas but never settled on anything. However he rents a decent flat (i think a housing benefit scam maybe), always has plenty of disposable income. He travels extensively. He doesn’t live extravagantly but he has nice clothes, and travels well, ie: eats out for 3 meals a day for 6 months of the year when he is abroad.

It’s become apparent to me recently what is staring my family in the face which is there is no way he is coming by this money legally. My parents believe him when he says he’s just very frugal with his benefits money. But I know what things cost and there’s no way people on the dole can afford to be living it up in Thailand for months at a time? When I’ve asked him he’s given various excuses or deflections about investing in crypto but a few questions show he knows nothing about crypto so its obviously not true.

Our family are poor working class, there are no secret inheritances or anything.

So. I have concluded he’s probably up to no good but I can’t be sure. He‘s a gentle giant and i couldn’t imagine him harming anyone but he is a big bloke. He could if he wanted to. And with the amount of money and travel, it feels like he’s not small-time dabbling either. I have this feeling he’s doing something bad-bad. Something that could get him in real trouble. Or hurt. Or others hurt. But I have no evidence.

WIBU to report him to the police to try and force him out of whatever mess he is in?

I know for sure he will not listen even if I beg him to stop whatever it is I think he’s up to. After all he’s living his best life I guess.

intelligence services or uncover military etc would be my guess, we live with various intelligence agencies across the world ect, or do people forget james bonds exists etc

because your assuming without any concrete intelligence

Sorry if the thread has drip-fed a bit and there are loads of posts.

but i can say on this, i am absolutely completely certain. I don’t have firm evidence as I am not in the drugs trade and am not going to stalk my bro for evidence against him.

the only people walking round with thousands in cash in their pockets, with no access to other family money, no debt (he has ccjs so can’t borrow) are builders or drug dealers. And he’s not a builder.

as another poster helpfully commented, a blind idiot could tell he’s a gangster. I’ve stuck my head in the sand for years. I don’t know if now i should do something.

he won’t stop because i ask nicely.

what would you do?

I would love it if this were true 😁

What a nasty sister you are.

Lol why would you report your own adult, mentaly stable brother?
You cannot force people to change and you just sound obessed how better his life is compare to the rest of the family

You're not "absolutely completely certain". You haven't spoken to him and you have no evidence.
Not sure what you said to me earlier that was deleted... but ask him. 1. He's a drug dealer and confesses. 2. He's a drug dealer and he lies. 3. He gives a legitimate explanation.
Quite why you can't just ask him how he affords all those holidays his benefits I don't know.

He is your brother , reporting him to the police on your suspicions alone does not hold much weight.
And he is your brother and morally that would be so wrong.
It is up to him how he lives his life , if he is involved in illegal things he will know the risks of that anyway so why get involved?

Isn't it against the rules for claiming benefits to be out of the country for that long? If he is up to something dodgy like child exploration, drugs, whatever, would he actually listen to you?

Thailand has a very low cost of living. A meal out, as you've mentioned, would cost the equivalent of 50p, maximum £2 if he was really living it up. Even hotel prices tend to be less than £5 a day.

a few posters have said this and i’ll put it to you like I have them,

if you were totally certain a family member was involved in bad crime, not petty victimless crime, but some bad stuff, what would you do? You would never ever report it?

i haven’t done so far. But i’m frightened he’ll end up murdered because drug traffickers don’t tend to retire happily to the country at the end of their careers.

You’d let it be and just let things run their course?

If so fair enough but i don’t think i can be described as nasty for wanting to save him from his own dreadful actions

No he wouldn’t.

which is why i have put it out there on mumsnet whether a more drastic course of action to force him to stop could ever be justified.

the general consensus seems to be no though so that leaves me where i was, turning a blind eye and pretending it’s totally normal and kidding myself my brother is a nice guy really who’d never hurt anyone.

btw on cost of living in thailand, i get that but there’s loads of flights etc, there is some other detail but every time i include that my posts get filtered by mumsnet so let’s just say, i am absolutely sure we are talking big sums (tens of thousands) he is burning through, waaaaaay more than he’d have from benefits and with no access to credit

But what if those illegal things involve hurting people? You’d just let it slide? Because he’s family?

that just feels morally so wrong to me

You have no idea if he actually is doing anything illegal. People on benefits can't easily go on holiday for half a year without getting caught and what's he putting on his visa's as his source of income ffs? This is such a weird post.

We're not going to tell you reporting him is a good idea no matter how many times you say it's for his own good. To be honest, I think your family fucked you up more than you realise. Get some therapy and leave your poor brother alone.

Have you asked him this directly?

If you actually knew then yes I would do something

How do you know he claims benefits and has no access to credit? How do you know he's got wads of cash, but have never so much as gently queried it? How do you know how much he spends? How do you know he doesn't have a job? Have you asked him?

His life is not better than mine or anyone else’s. I’m not obsessed, i’m worried about him. I have way more money than he does, just I earned it the normal way. When we go out, I pay for dinner.

The reasons I was thinking about maybe speaking to the authorities I have made really clear, but as a recap:

1. i am absolutely certain he is involved in drugs on some form of international level, trafficking etc
2. i think it is unlikely that he is doing this without hurting people. Therefore, even though it kills me to think it, i need to deduce he is almost certainly hurting people in his line of work. This does not sit easy with me.
3. drug dealers don’t tend to retire happily to the country. They get murdered or they end up in a foreign jail. Some of the places he’s been he would face the death penalty. By reporting him in the uk he could at least face a slightly kindlier system and save him from himself.

I get that a lot of people don’t think I should report him. I haven’t and on the basis of some of the more intelligent responses on here i don’t think i will. But it doesn’t make me evil or jealous for considering what the right course of action is.

If he ends up killed by some gang in south america or whatnot i’ll always always wish i’d done something to save him when i had the chance.

I don’t know why people are being so harsh on here. Is there anyone else you know who you can talk to? Can you find out some more info? I’d want to find out more too and then decide when I actually know something. my main fear is actually getting yourself in danger.

Amazed at the number of people who think it's wrong to report a relative who has committed a crime.

Op get more creative with your wording, it will keep getting hidden otherwise...

Flights from the UK to Thailand can cost on average £1000 or less for a round trip. Flights within Asia, and especially South-East Asia, are extremely cheap by comparison. I think you are greatly overestimating how much money he is spending. As for the wads of cash, surely it's just easier for him to carry physical cash around if he is going abroad and exchanging it often.

I get that you are worried but maybe you should just sit with him and tell him that?

I would not feel ok reporting someone without evidence.