Would you expect adult stepson to help with household chores if he worked and you didn't?

[orangejuice11]

I am currently a sahp to mine and dh children and his adult son also lives here.
I do the housework and all the childcare but SS is home 3 days a week as he works compressed hours.
He doesn't feel he should do any chores as he works and I don't.
Dh works away a lot and I don't want to burden him with this but curious to see if others would expect an adult child to help out around the house in this situation?

@Summertimer

why not make it compulsory if it is though?!

some young people will take the initiative, some won’t (like OP’s) and they need more scaffolding and have chores allocated to them and for this to be compulsory. It’s fine, it no huge hardship for them - it’s just life! 😀

He’s an adult so yes, you are a sahp to your children not to a grown man. His girlfriend is a fool.

Get him to pay for a cleaner

I would

Or I'd be telling him to fuck off out of my house

disgusting attitude! because he works 8 hours a day, it's your duty to run around after him 24 hours a day like a skivvy? he gets a break from his work, you never do. what does your husband say? please tell me he isn't equally as useless as his son. its 2024 and men still behave this way! he doesnt see you as family he wants to help out, he sees you as a servant.

You might have to explain to me what about this is 1960, because I have no idea.

Ok :) but I’m quite confident. Worked perfectly for my mum. Works for my brother with his teens and young adults. Works for my friends with their teens. Many families out there are bringing up competent children, I am sorry you don’t seem to know any.

I’d expect him to contribute to keeping the place clean and tidy but picking cleaning the bathroom once a week is one of the least pleasant household jobs so I’m suspicious of your agenda. He cleans the shower, toilet, basin after he’s used it - of course. He cleans it after you’ve used it - deliberately giving him a gross and degrading job to make a point?

Seriously 😐 why is cleaning a bathroom gross? How dirty is yours? I doubt somehow the SS would be keen on cleaning the kitchen either, that's actually harder and can be grosser too! Baked on grease in the oven, dirty microwave, etc

Of course he should do things around the house. He lives there so adds to the load.

what’s wrong with a young person living in a houseshare! It’s good for young people - character building!

There you go again with the character building crap. It's like you get commission for every person you get in a house share, you say it all the time on here.

House shares can be good for some people, but they're miserable for lots of people too. I hated it. Young adults in my family have had to live in house shares for uni and none have particularly enjoyed them. They plan on living with parents after uni for a while, saving and then buying their own house and I can't blame them.

Regardless of who works and who doesn't, wherever you live as an adult you should expect to contribute to the upkeep. If he uses the bathroom, living areas, kitchen etc and benefits from you cooking for him it is absolutely not unreasonable to expect him to do some of the housework, just like everyone else. He can play for a cleaner if he doesn't want to do it himself but presumably the arrangement you have with your partner which enables him to work is for you to look after the little ones during the day. That's your job. Just because you don't get paid for it doesn't mean it isn't work.

8 pages in, my two cents worth i don't think the bathroom is the right task to assign a 23 yr old although everyone uses the bathroom for someone under 25 they probably think of it as a really icky job and the worse job of them all. i'd find 2 other options and let him pick.
sucks to be the step son to a dad that went on to have a herd of other kids and at the end of the week be stuck cleaning their shit up.

So my dd works full time. I work part time and have a young dc. Cooks for herself in the week, but I usually cook at weekends. I generally do pots and cleaning of communal areas. She does her own washing and room. She also babysits when needed.

I'd say he should definitely do something, I'd suggest he either does a communal job oncea week or he starts doing his own cooking/pots. Your not his housemaid

Under 25?! Ffs. This is why kids move out of home and are completely useless. And usually the males make terrible partners. I think once you're about 15 you should start to learn to do everything (you don't have to do it all, but it's good to start learning). I speak from the pov of a spoilt child who moved out and was completely useless, I actually wish my mum had given me some of these life skills.

@Itsjustmeheretoday its one thing to know how to clean your own bathroom it’s totally another to clean a shared by multiple people bathroom and equally another to do it as part of your employment role.

You don't believe in chores?? So who should clean the bathroom then??

His gf's in for a big shock if they decide to progress the relationship to moving in together and starting a family.

No, you won’t get him to clean the bathroom but he could mow the lawn, put the bins out. Be reasonable no one will clean the tioilet if they can get out of it ime.

He should be expected to clean the bathroom once a week and, if you are cooking for him, then he should take fair shares in washing up. He should be doing his own washing and clean his own room/change his own sheets and wash his own towels and sheets. He should also tidy up after himself if he leaves stuff in communal areas of the house.

In a family, aren't bathrooms usually shared by multiple people. I'm lucky enough to have a small family so we do actually have our own bathrooms, but this wasn't the case growing up and probably not for most. I'm finding this so strange, do most people have shit covered toilets or something? I don't understand what is so bad with cleaning a bathroom. When I was in a house share, we took turns. Not a big deal.

You really do need to speak to your DH about this so he can support you.
This is so depressing that he is getting away with being so disrespectful. At the very least I would say stop cooking for him and fully expect him to cook for himself AND clean up after himself when he has cooked.
Does your husband do chores? If not, he is clearly following the example.

Yes he should be helping out - he is an adult and the alternative is he would be living out of the home and would have to be doing it himself. Just because you are at home doesn't mean you are not looking after children and he equally is an adult member of the household that should be pulling his weight.

Soap off the bath after a week.....
Don't you wipe yours after getting out?

He's an adult and going to Bea pretty shit partner to someone expecting to do nothing to contribute other than money....perpetuating the it's women's work men are the main breadwinner god crap

At 12, cleaning my parents ensuite became my job every weekend. My 14yo brother did the family bathroom. The idea that people think it’s not acceptable to ask a 23 yo man to clean a bathroom or ‘have chores’ is stunning.