Would you expect adult stepson to help with household chores if he worked and you didn't?

[orangejuice11]

I am currently a sahp to mine and dh children and his adult son also lives here.
I do the housework and all the childcare but SS is home 3 days a week as he works compressed hours.
He doesn't feel he should do any chores as he works and I don't.
Dh works away a lot and I don't want to burden him with this but curious to see if others would expect an adult child to help out around the house in this situation?

I haven’t cleaned the bathrooms my kids use since they hit around 15, why on earth would an adult expect you to clean his bathroom! If he wants a cleaner maybe he should employ and pay one, ditto the rest of the house. If he won’t clean the kitchen after himself he doesn’t use it. Tell him to move in with his GF and she can clean for him if she wants to. Lazy sod.

If he was your son and not your step son, how would you deal with this?
Do that.

I may have not read properly, but I don't think he does anything around the house, he has his meals cooked and his gf stays over. But he's refusing to clean the bathroom once a week. I'd kick him out tbh with that attitude.

Ha ha ha, the GF will love this when it all comes home to roost.

Id expect yourDH to step in. Of course he should contribute. Cleaning the bathroom, cooking a family meal. He is in the transition to adulthood, not an entitled brat

If you want to live like that fine, but I don’t. Running a household isn’t much work.

Put his board up and use the money to pay for a cleaner!

"I'm not a SAHP to you. You are a grown man responsible for cleaning up after yourself. What i do during the day is none of your business."

Ask his girlfriend if she'd rather he learned to clean up after himself now or once they're living together.

All of that.

Does his dad do anything around the house? If he does, then: "Your dad works too, but he still finds time to do his share when he's here"

If his room is cleaned, it's done by him (I'm not saying it is cleaned, but OP doesn't do it) and he does his own laundry. So he's at 0 on those fronts. The extra jobs around the house need to be shared equally, but as I said I think his 'fair share' of those will be quite small in practice.

Washing up a couple of times a week, or sorting out other people's laundry when he does his own would probably be enough. I kind of understand if he didn't want to clean the bathroom that two young children also use - they are probably more likely to leave it dirtier than most by virtue of using the bath, toilet habits and being a bit messier overall.

@Dotjones

He lives there too though doesn’t he ? He benefits from
a clean bathroom just as much as everyone else.

or are you suggesting Op just sucks it up and does it all herself as it’s beneath men to do something like clean a bathroom?

Perhaps for a quite small, uncomplicated household. Other households vary in size and complexity.

And if cleaning a bathroom is so easy peasy and 'isn't much work', then why can't the 23 year old man just agree to do it?

It's irrelevant whether you're home all day. My DH and I both work and both do things around the house. If I didn't work I wouldn't expect that he did absolutely nothing and I did everything.

Does your DH help or is it just your stepson you are expecting to contrubute? If so it may feel targeted.

If he's doing his own washing and cleaning his own room I think that's fine but he should be contributing to the cleaning of communal areas he uses. If he eats the family meal with you then he can wash up some evenings or even cook?

I actually think it's a bit disrespectful of him to say you should do it as you're home all day and it's irrelevant what his gf thinks. Does she live with her parents? Does she do anything in the house I wonder?

Suggest he pay more and employ a cleaner.
I'd expect him to clean the kitchen once a week - that's not much.
Does he do anything else like mow the lawn or watch the kids?

Well, if it's his current girlfriend, she'll reap what she's currently sowing.

I kind of understand if he didn't want to clean the bathroom that two young children also use - they are probably more likely to leave it dirtier than most by virtue of using the bath, toilet habits and being a bit messier overall.

You really think that the OP leaves the bathroom like a dirty unhygienic shit-tip on a day to day basis? I don't. I think she wants a bit of turn-taking with one job, one day in seven.

@Summertimer

do you not think it’s just laziness though and him trying to take advantage of Op as he thinks household tasks are beneath him and are ‘women’s work’?

paying rent (and I highly doubt he’s paying market rate rent to Op) does not mean you get full maid service included! He needs to start to take some responsibility for himself and the space in which he lives.

You do work. All adults should do a share or the sahp ends doing 18 hour days 7 days a week. I hope your OH helps and the younger children do chores.
The SS in my house like all adults would also make a financial contribution

Don't know why the girlfriend is sharing her opinion. Anyway she's outvoted by MN!

He's living in your home, if you want him to help out he does. He's getting meals provided so you are shopping and cooking for him. You are cleaning up after him in other areas of the house and asking for a small contribution towards chores. Does he help with the garden, putting bins out or anything that isn't purely for himself? Does his father help with household tasks when he is around?

I would expect him to clean up after himself, take care of his space and sort his own washing etc and probably his own meals unless you're all eating together as a family. I agree you would do the bulk of the housework being at home during the week if your children are at nursery or school but everyone should be pitching in when they're at home and over the weekend. It's a team effort so yes there should be certain tasks that are his to take care of. Or he pays more and you get help in to do it.

My 24yo daughter works full time and still joins in with all the household chores that need doing (I work out of the house full time too though). We just all muddle in together. The worse one for not helping is my 15yo!

It's not just that though? Scrubbing the soap off the bath after a week of baths that you haven't taken would be quite annoying, wouldn't it? Let alone having to clean a small person's toilet seat on top of actually cleaning etc.

It's a room where having small children use it adds quite a lot of work - certainly more than unloading a few extra sets of plates + cutlery and washing an extra pan. There's probably a reason it's on OP's list of jobs to cut down on!

That attitude!
It's not even that he doesn't do it. He thinks because he works, the house skivvy should do it.
The attitude should be that you all contribute to the mess and you all pull your weight somewhat.
He doesn't employ a maid service by contributing financially. He's paying a fair amount of what he costs up you. Tell him to move out then he can clean his whole living space by himself as well as contributing way more towards his own living expenses.

If you live in shared accommodation you need to contribute to household chores, even if someone else has time to do your chores.

That principle needs to be established and your DH needs to back you up on this. It’s better if it’s something clearly defined - eg put the bins out, hoover an area or go shopping once a week.

My husband is away for part of every week. My adult children are expected to help around the house (as are my younger children).

I think it’s all fine and I doubt he thinks that but don’t know