To take a phone call when food is ready?

[garlicgirl]

Was I being unreasonable?

My dp was cooking us a nice dinner. Laid the table, home cooked food etc.

About five mins before food was ready, my 80 year old mum called me. She was firstly telling me about her doctors appointment and health issues. Then she went on to ask for help about something in her house. It took me a long time to explain to her how to fix something.

So dp had brought the food into the dining room (open plan with living room) when I sat on the sofa and spoke to mum. I told dp to just start eating.

By the time I’d finished my conversation with mum, he’d finished his dinner on his own and went off in a huff that the phone call could have waited until after the meal he’d made for us to eat together.

Just because the phone rings, you don't have to answer it especially if you are actually doing something else.

YABU

If it wasn't urgent, you should have called your mum back. You were rude & disrespectful

If your mum is generally well then yes i would have been annoyed at this if I'd gone to the trouble of cooking from scratch rather than say a pizza.
If your mum is in poor health then maybe you can't ignore a phone call

I'd have been annoyed. After the initial conversation establishing mum was ok you should have said 'mum, my dinner is on the table. I'll call you back after I've eaten it'.

I think part of the pleasure of cooking is sharing the meal. So yes I'd be cross too unless it was a call that couldn't wait in which case I'd delay serving

Why couldn’t you call her back?

Or answer, establish nothing is wrong and tell her you’ll call her back.

You were rude

It depends on level of need of your DM.
A year ago I would have just told my parents (93, 87) that I was about to eat and can I ring them back in 15mins.
Now their need has increased and although most things could wait, I generally wouldn't ask them to. (But I do the cooking)

Yeah, I'd be upset, too. Someone has put in the effort to do something nice for you, and you basically showed you had other priorities.

This applies to both sexes... I always say thank you to my partner for making dinner, and I'd hope others do too. Some in here will no doubt twist it to "he wants a trophy for making dinner because he's a man" comments, but appreciation is always appreciated.

A simple "Hi mum, just checking you're OK... oh you are? Good, can I call you back as we're just sitting down for dinner?"

That's all it would have taken.

Yabu
I can imagine this happening to me with a certain relative... though they would always ask if it's a good time for a 'chat' - which is at least an hour long with them - in your case I would have sincerely apologized to DP.

You could have called your mum back! (After ascertaining it wasn’t a major emergency if necessary.). I’d be upset if my DH did that when I’d cooked dinner; as a pp said, part of the enjoyment is eating it together.

Yabu

It's quite easy to ring your mum back after you've eaten. You were being rude. Poor nanners to your partner who had cooked.

My dad always times his calls like this. I pick up check he is ok and explain im about to eat and i’ll find him back straight afterwards. I’d be annoyed like your husband sorry.

I think that’s inconsiderate of yoi. I would have told your mum you would call her back in half an hour. My dad is 80 and would have been totally fine with that. Do you or your husband normally cook?

is this a reverse?

You are rude and unreasonable for all the reasons already stated.

Really rude and inconsiderate of you.

When you had heard the health update you should have said “Mum Fred is just serving up tea. Let me eat and then I will call you back”

Unless your mum is actively in pain or distress that only your actions can alleviate, the appropriate thing to do is say "(dpname) has just finished cooking me an amazing looking dinner and it's on the table now so can I call you back in half an hour?"
Any parent who wouldn't be ok with that is toxic and damaging to have in your life.

I’d have been pissed off as well. I’d have checked she was ok then said I’d call her back.

If my 80 year old mom called, yes I’d answer, but as soon as I realised it wasn’t an emergency I’d tell her I’d call her back after dinner.

Exactly what I was going to say. Incredibly rude to have a long chat.

You surely don't have to ask this question. Yes of course YABU. You were madly rude and your DP must be very hurt that you so lightly opt out of the shared meal he'd prepared for you.

I would have answered to make sure she was okay, then called her back after dinner.

I think you were very rude. It wasn't an emergency.

Reverse?

I'd answer, check not an emergency, phone them after I'd eaten.

It's rude.