To take a phone call when food is ready?

[garlicgirl]

Was I being unreasonable?

My dp was cooking us a nice dinner. Laid the table, home cooked food etc.

About five mins before food was ready, my 80 year old mum called me. She was firstly telling me about her doctors appointment and health issues. Then she went on to ask for help about something in her house. It took me a long time to explain to her how to fix something.

So dp had brought the food into the dining room (open plan with living room) when I sat on the sofa and spoke to mum. I told dp to just start eating.

By the time I’d finished my conversation with mum, he’d finished his dinner on his own and went off in a huff that the phone call could have waited until after the meal he’d made for us to eat together.

Is this a reverse?

It’s rude, I wouldn’t do this and if I cook I expect everyone who is home to come and sit and eat together.
Fair enough if you were expecting an important call (because it’s a one off) but once you’d established your mum was okay you should really have said it wasn’t a good time and that you’d call her back later/tomorrow.

It's very difficult when it's elderly DPs calling. My DM calls at odd times and I don't want to let it ring in case it's an emergency, but then when I answer she never asks if it's a good time to call and starts straight away to tell me things.She would be very upset if I tried to get her off the phone, so I will give you a free pass.

As others have says, I would have checked that it wasn’t an emergency, then called them back.

YaBU.

You should have told Mum that you were about to have dinner and you'd ring her back after.

I'm usually the chef in this scenario. I find it so rude.

Put this the other way round - if you'd made a meal for yourself and DP and he decided to do something non-urgent and let the food get cold, would you think that was ok?

Do you have the sort of relationship with your mum that you felt you couldn't tell her that you'd call her back? If so, perhaps this is a recurring theme.

This has to be a reverse? There's no way anyone would type this thinking they were in the right

Very rude, you could have said to your mother, Jim’s just put dinner out do you mind if I call back in 20 mins?

You were rude.

I'm no stickler for any sort of formalities but yeah, I'd be annoyed by that. The call could have been postponed so you were present for the effort he had made.

Yea you were rude.

Your mum is always going to complain about her health.

You were rude. Once you established it wasn’t an emergency, you should have called her back later.

The polite thing to do was say to your mum you'll call her back and I can see why your partner was annoyed if it was a phone conversation that could wait. Having said this if it was a one off call at that time, or you dont talk to your mum much , normal mid week meal, I wouldn't be too bothered. If my partner was annoyed over a one off situation ,I wouldn't be too impressed. Its give and take sometimes.

Oh, edit to say it was a nice meal, table laid. He thinks he went to effort on this occasion.

Another one saying that you should have checked it wasn't an emergency and then told her you would call her back. I would expect that for any meal never mind one that my DH had made such an effort for.

You were rude .

'Glad you're ok mother and I'll call you tomorrow. Geoffrey has made dinner and we about to eat. Love you.' Hang up.

That was so rude to your husband.
Don't blame him for feeling aggrieved.

You should have said ''Mum, we are just about to eat dinner, I will phone you afterwards'' {Probably half an hour wait, tops?}

This is not ok, extremely disrespectful. Badly.

It is normally you that cooks or dp? ie how would you not know this? I give the ds's a call : dinner in 5. Then when I do shout "okayyyyyy" I expect them to come. Immediately. Anything less is completely disrespectful.

I've spent a long time and a lot of effort thinking about what meal to prep, buying the food, cooking the food, and I expect people to come immediately and us all to sit down as soon as we possibly can and eat hot food.

You shouldn't have answered it. Or answered it and told her you were about to eat dinner and that you'd call her back.

More importantly what was she doing calling you at dinner time. Surely she knows what time you normally eat dinner?

And worse still, did she not ask 'is now a good time'? Clearly not. Before she charged into telling you all about Dr appt and the thing that wouldn't work, not letting you get a word in edgeways.

Yes it was rude.

What they all said. “Mum, we’re eating now, I’ll call you later, love you, bye”.

My elderly father rings most days. If we're about to eat, I ignore it and call him afterwards.

That was rude of you and you should apologise.

Agree with everyone else.

100% this. Being a people pleaser enmeshed /parentified child I always get a jolt of adrenaline every time the phone rings and it never occurs to me that I can just not answer it. My husband lets it ring and I’ve got to really try hard not to shout answer the phone. I nearly break a leg running upstairs when the landline rings. It’s stupid. They will ring again or leave a message.

Is this a reverse? Because it's so obviously rude. My dh did this sort of thing a few times in the past. But he learnt quickly that no, his mum does not get priority in situations like this.

YABU. It doesn’t sound like it was an urgent call so you could have explained you were just about to eat and told your DM you would call her back.

I think it was a bit rude and dismissive towards your DH. If I had cooked a nice meal and set the table etc I would have been hurt if I’d been told to just start eating while my partner took a phone call instead of joining me.