To take a phone call when food is ready?

[garlicgirl]

Was I being unreasonable?

My dp was cooking us a nice dinner. Laid the table, home cooked food etc.

About five mins before food was ready, my 80 year old mum called me. She was firstly telling me about her doctors appointment and health issues. Then she went on to ask for help about something in her house. It took me a long time to explain to her how to fix something.

So dp had brought the food into the dining room (open plan with living room) when I sat on the sofa and spoke to mum. I told dp to just start eating.

By the time I’d finished my conversation with mum, he’d finished his dinner on his own and went off in a huff that the phone call could have waited until after the meal he’d made for us to eat together.

YABVU it could have waited 15 minutes of a shared evening meal then you call DM back. Or inform her on the phone initially that you'll call her back later. From what you described, the call could have waited.

My mum is 78, my dad turns 83 this month. Both would understand completely if they phoned when I was just about to eat dinner, and so I told them I would call them back. It wouldn't be an issue at all. My dad in particular has various health problems, but he wouldn't expect my meal to go cold while he chatted to me about them. I just don't understand why you couldn't just call your mother back after you'd eaten with your partner. 🤷‍♀️

Yes, rude. “I’ll call you back half an hour mum”.

I would have answered it to make sure it wasnt an emergency, then when ascertained it wasn’t; said, I’m just about to have dinner Mum, I’ll call you back in half an hour.

If you have to be told this is rude, I’m not sure you’ll get it, tbh.

Oh my god how rude of you! My husband does things like this and it totally baffles me. What’s wrong with just calling someone back? My husband also realises that he needs the loo just as I’m putting dinner on the table. Despite knowing for a few minutes prior that it’s on its way.

Phone calls are not summons, neither are texts

The only ones that need immediate attention are emergencies or impending arrangements

You don't like MEN, do you?

Not even ones that have paid the table, cooked food etc.

But I wonder if you'd be critical if roles were reversed and the woman had gone to the same effort 🤔 .

Agree with your DH. You should have called back after the meal.

You just say "I'll call you back after dinner." I would be very miffed if I'd prepared dinner and you sat there on the phone.

I totally understand hubby's annoyance considering all the hard work he did! Your mum of course is high importance but when on the phone once you realized your mum is OK you could have just explained to her that you're about to eat but you promise to ring her back as soon as you can after.

Hubby, I'm with you on this, sorry mrs!

YABU. Call her back after dinner.

Ditto, I think my daughter knows when I'm about to eat!

This. Fine to pick up just to check it is not any emergency etc. But after that just gently explain that dinner's ready so will give you a call back once done.

Unless it was a time sensitive issue I would have told my mum it's dinner time I will call you back.

You were pretty damn rude to your husband.

Completely unreasonable and rude, call wasn't urgent

Parents do pick the worst times to call. My dad rang every Saturday morning at 9am when I was in my partying 20s, then switched to 6.45pm when I was parent to a toddler.

If it was just a normal evening with a normal dinner and it didn't happen often, if wouldn't be a big deal in our house. We usually eat dinner together but sometimes things come up and I'd hate to think I couldn't ever take a phone call at any time, even just one to chat, in case my partner went off in a huff.

If you don't get much time together or you did it often or the meal had taken hours or if was a birthday/anniversary, then that would be different imo.

We don't do huffing and moods in this house though.

Its extremely dismissive and mean to do that to someone who has spent all that time and effort making you a meal.

dinner time not any time

I think it was fine to answer it - it was your mum and it could have been urgent. But after a quick check that everything was OK, you should have told her that you would ring back after dinner. That's what we would have done. It was rude to your dp - there was no reason at all at that moment for her phone call to have priority over a freshly cooked dinner with your husband. Much better for her to wait than for dinner to wait.

Yep, you were wrong and rude. My 82 year old mum sometimes calls while I'm cooking or when we're about to sit down to eat. I just tell her "mum, we're just about to sit down, okay if I call you back in half an hour?" Sometimes works the other way round too. Neither of us takes offence and we just catch up later.

Just because the phone rings, you don't have to answer it especially if you are actually doing something else.
That is true but if certain people rang me up I will always answer their call unless I actually can't ( driving without Bluetooth, in a theatre etc)
Personally I would have phoned back in this scenario. If it was Dh who took a call, I wouldn't care. I certainly wouldn't be in a huff.

Hi Mum, I'm just about to eat. If it's not urgent, I'll call you in xxx mins
Regular occurrence here with 82yo Mum
Rude to not sit down to a meal that has been cooked for you.

Sometimes when I phone my 83 yr old mum she’ll say can I phone you back I’m just having my dinner ( she eats at different times when she’s hungry rather than at a set time). She would have no problem, if she phoned, with me having a quick chat to make sure it was nothing urgent and then saying I would call her back after eating.