To take a phone call when food is ready?

[garlicgirl]

Was I being unreasonable?

My dp was cooking us a nice dinner. Laid the table, home cooked food etc.

About five mins before food was ready, my 80 year old mum called me. She was firstly telling me about her doctors appointment and health issues. Then she went on to ask for help about something in her house. It took me a long time to explain to her how to fix something.

So dp had brought the food into the dining room (open plan with living room) when I sat on the sofa and spoke to mum. I told dp to just start eating.

By the time I’d finished my conversation with mum, he’d finished his dinner on his own and went off in a huff that the phone call could have waited until after the meal he’d made for us to eat together.

Madamecholetsbonnet · Today 10:22
I’m calling reverse

Why? My husband does most of the cooking.

I would answer just to check it wasn't an emergency, then explain I'm about to eat and will call back afterwards.

You were rude and unreasonable.
You should have said you were about to eat and that you'd call her back in an hour or so and help her with whatever it was then.

I would think that really very rude unless it was an emergency.
No reason at all not to say mum, will call you back, supper being served.
It would piss me off and he would know it if I had cooked.
He had made a special meal and then ate it alone.
So rude of you.
You owe him an apology and goodness knows I rarely say that on MN.

I agree with a pp. It's the detail about the effort - home cooked, laid the table etc.

I didn't notice at first because my partner also does most of the cooking!

Why not just say to your mum where just about to have tea il call you back after

I was a carer to my Mum and am to my adult DD. Unless it was time dependent, like not being able to get the television on and Morse etc was due to start, heating in cold weather or needing to get into online banking to transfer money (DD), then I would tell them I'll call back. You've got to have a level of boundaries, even as a carer.

When our mums got ill we would just put them on speaker so the whole family could join the conversation and you can go about your day while still talking to them. Easy to put the phone on the dining table, done it loads of times.

RUDE. I would be upset, too. Nothing to do with wanting a medal for cooking; it's courtesy and sociable to respect the cook and the food and the eating together.

You should have checked she was ok and if yes, said I'll call you back in half an hour.

I'm with him.

Rude & ungrateful.

'Mum, I'm just about to eat dinner, I'll call you back shortly'. It will be the first & last time he cooks a nice meal for you & makes an effort.

Wow that was so rude of you.

Rude

Answer the call, make sure it isn't urgent, tell them you'll call them back

I'd have been pissed off with you too

80 year old mum........Talk to her at every opportunity 💝

I'd have been annoyed if I'd cooked a meal and you took a call. You could have told her you'd ring her back as you were just about to eat!

My mum is nearly 90 and would be just as appalled at your behaviour as I am. If anyone gets it it's her generation who grew up without answer phones or CallerID so had no choice but to pick up right then and there - but would definitely then have promised to call you back.

When you're not letting a meal go cold, 15 mins will make no difference.

I understand it can be difficult when it’s an elderly relative as some don’t have the capacity to cope with il call you back in 15 mins or to not get an answer when they call so my answer depends on that really.

it is rude though if those elements are not a big factor.

it shows a lack of appreciation to the work someone else is doing.

per it may depend on what the big picture is too though, is it a one off and they were apologetic about it in which case I’d be annoyed but I’d get it or does the person do small things like this regularly and especially if they then don’t acknowledge it’s rude because that stuff builds

lol… did we get the drip feed that mum is a hostage somewhere and is only allowed 1 phone call per month or that she has to walk 10 miles and sleep in a tent to stand in line at the only phone in the ‘rural’ location where she lives and the help she needed was to keep the heating on for the orphans, nuns, and puppies she cares for?

Not rude to answer, but the appropriate thing is to say that you’re just about to eat dinner and you’ll call back later.

I'd have been deeply upset if a dp had been on the phone the entire time I'd brought out dinner that I'd made. Unless it's an emergency that's just really disrespectful.

He should have held off

Of course YABU and very very rude.

My mum is also 80 and often calls me when I’m busy. I either answer and say ‘I’ll call you back mum’ or it it go to VM . If it’s urgent she’ll say so

You're in the wrong. As soon as you'd known it wasnt an emergency, you should have said "i"ll call you back".

Why? How wax he to know how long OP would be?

How was it not her responsibility to say "I'll call you back"