MIL gifting money to DC

[CiderWithRosy]

We have 5 DC. Ages 28,24,18,16, 9. MIL has gifted the 2 eldest DC 25 grand each. She says the younger 3 DC will be 'sorted out' when she dies (although there is no guarantee of inheritance because money may be needed for care and as far as I know, she has not set out gifting the younger 3 specifically in her will anyway).
One of the elder DC has used his money on a deposit for a flat (which is great). The other older DC is living at her boyfriends house and has no intention to buy.
I'm FULLY aware that it is MIL's money to do as she chooses, however there is a part of me that feels uncomfortable with the arrangement. I'm prepared to get flamed but am I unreasonable to think that MIL deciding to gift the two eldest a little unfair on the younger three?

I think she is so generous, particularly if she plans to also gift the other three in her will. The authorities cannot use all her savings for care. There will be some left over to leave to dependents

Suppose it's her money to do what she likes with it. Very kind she is helping the DC now.

It doesn’t matter what you think. It’s up to her. Going on about unfairness will only make things worse.

Can she actually afford to give to all those kids?

Shes told you the other 3 will be sorted.

I understand that your MIL probably intended to be generous and helpful but I think it was irresponsible of her to make such an enormous gift to 2/5 children with no concrete plan for the other 3. If her funds do have to be used for care or something else happens and she's unable to make the same gift to the other three children, I think they are likely to resent the two eldest children. Even though they will know that it wasn't their fault, the huge helping hand will fester because when they struggle to save for the own deposits, for example, they'll remember how much easier the first two had it. I think this has the potential to cause an immense fracture in your family.

My advice would be to review your own will with a view to making it fair in the result that the youngest three do not receive £25k (plus inflation?) from your MIL. You still might not be able to gift it when they are young but at least it would be rectified eventually. So, for example, if you were going to split your estate 5 ways, you'd instead give the first £75k (£25k for each of your three youngest (plus inflation?)) to the ones who missed out and the remainder of your estate would be split 5 ways.

But I really feel for you. I hope it all works out.

You risk looking very grabby IMO if you go about trying to secure further money for your children, especially if there are other siblings who are set to inherit and have their own grandchildren too.

If it were me I would thank her kindly and hope for the best rather than having my eyes on securing her funds for my kids.

You can feel however you like about it, but it doesn’t change anything. She can do what she likes.

There might be good reasons for what she’s doing - does she have another £75k on top of the £50k already given? Is she worried about her own future and how to pay for possible costs? Does she think the others are still too young at present?

I wouldn’t view it as favouritism when it’s most likely just a change in circumstances which mean she is comfortable continuing with this. The older two have been very lucky but she’s not being unfair to the others if she simply can’t help them in the same way.

Do the 3 younger DC know?

I would be pissed off if I were the 18yo... an adult, but passed over. Personally, I think it is an unfair thing to do all round.
Wills are complicated and it just might not work out that the younger three ever benefit

What would you like her to do OP?
Give them all money now? Risky at 16/18, or not give any of them anything? It makes sense for her to get rid of money before the tax man/care home can take it in my opinion. I’m of the opinion that you need money when you're young, so i don't think she’s doing the wrong thing and hopefully your younger children will benefit in due course.

why can't you sort the other 3 yourself then? mil has helped the 2 so you don't need to worry about them.

or were your 5 children's existence linked to financial help from mil to all 5? sounds bizarre and ungrateful for you even if mil ends up giving zero to the 3.

why are you so upset?

It does seem odd she doesn’t have plans to give a similar gift to the younger three when they are similar ages. I understand your discomfort as the older two have an advantage in establishing their adult lives that the younger children may not have.

Are you deliberately being obtuse?

I agree wholeheartedly with @Cinnamonginger ! I hate this attitude of "well 3 of my kids didn't get anything" as opposed to "isn't it amazing 2 of my kids got this sum of money to help them". And anyway.... she has said the others will get left something in her will. Isn't that enough?

I will admit, I've never agreed with the Mumsnet narrative that all inheritance must be split equally. And I say that as a daughter who's parents are giving their other children more than they are giving me!

oh, do tell me which part of my reasonable post you are upset about? are you also an ungrateful person irl?

by the way, my Qs were for the op and I have no interest in your set up.

If she gave £50 thou to charity would you feel better OP.
I think you sound grabby

Was just thinking the same thing @StormingNorman

Oooo. Yes. Hold on. There's £75k for you three....
Some people asking why are you upset....😯 I'd rather all have nothing, or all have less. They could've all had £10k each, either put aside, or straight away depending on age.

thank you.

and there I was being insulted for absolutely no reason other than being a decent human being with integrity and values.

Shes has said she intends to leave the others money later, so you have zero reason as yet to think anything is unfair.
Whether she has or has not got funds set aside for this and whether her circumstances change are irrelevant imo - her INTENTION is to be fair over a period of time by the sounds of it, plus the younger ones are not at an age where I would personally want them to have a large windfall (an 18 year old is often not capable of using it wisely) and in her position I would want to help the older ones when they needed it and the others later on.

I can see the unfairness but MNs is weird about inheritance & family relationships

You have a strange way of saying “thanks MIL”.

being a decent human being with integrity and values.

😆😆😆

They currently leave about £13k, I think - supposedly to pay funeral expenses.

Are all children full bio siblings?

I agree @SuzieGlass
Thank you would be a good start