MIL gifting money to DC

[CiderWithRosy]

We have 5 DC. Ages 28,24,18,16, 9. MIL has gifted the 2 eldest DC 25 grand each. She says the younger 3 DC will be 'sorted out' when she dies (although there is no guarantee of inheritance because money may be needed for care and as far as I know, she has not set out gifting the younger 3 specifically in her will anyway).
One of the elder DC has used his money on a deposit for a flat (which is great). The other older DC is living at her boyfriends house and has no intention to buy.
I'm FULLY aware that it is MIL's money to do as she chooses, however there is a part of me that feels uncomfortable with the arrangement. I'm prepared to get flamed but am I unreasonable to think that MIL deciding to gift the two eldest a little unfair on the younger three?

It's her money to decide what to do with and if she decides to give the older two money first, that's up to her.

You've got 5 children, maybe she needs to sort out her finances before she moves onto giving the younger three anything!

I only have one child, so my mum only needs to "worry" about giving one child money.

Also you "give" money and you "gift" land.

You’ve proved me wrong. You’re actually a really nice person.

😂😂😂

Surely they can see its unfair that their three siblings got diddly squat?!

People are weird on MN.
Of course it is funny to gift 1 kid and not the other
And no I wouldn't expect gran to give it to the 9 year old, but to keep it until all kids reach 25 for example. And give it when they turn that age.
I would feel very weird if my gran gave me money but not my siblings

That's not their problem.
She wanted to help them and has said there is provision for the others.
The eldest needs a home now.
They can't go without ove rather concern for a child.

Not necessarily
There is no time limit as to how far back they can delve into your finances when it comes to paying for care
https://www.independentage.org/get-advice/health-and-care/paying-for-care/giving-away-assets-to-pay-for-care#:~:text=Deprivation%20of%20assets%20means%20you,that%20is%20out%20of%20character

YABU. People are allowed to make “wrong” decisions. It’s her money and not your responsibility to police fairness. If that’s what she wants to do let her. Similarly in hospital, if a patient has capacity, and wants to refuse life saving treatment- you can’t force them.

Aye, if she's still living. And that's the significance of what matters here.

Who knows how much the others will get?

Thanks for seeing my POV. Was beginning to think I was losing my marbles🤣

clearly she's given the older 2 as they both past ui age and are at the age to buy houses set up a life etc.

why would she give an 18y/o the money now when they're just finishing college.
she has made clear she intends to be fair and the other will get money in her will.

I think its a bit mean on your part to want her to give all her money now when maybe the rest of the assets will be sold when she's passed let alone the rest are small kids or teenagers.

I could never begrudge my kids getting help from their nan at a time when it helps them get a step on the ladder and she can see the benefits.

Exactly this - all £10k or nothing for anyone

As a younger child married to a younger child we are trying very hard not to disadvantage our youngest...

uncle gives presents - eldest reaches 16 "oh you are all too old for presents", meanwhile the youngest child is only 11 and misses out on 5 years of gifts

And so many more similar examples...

maybe she thinks giving an 18 year old the money to get a mortgage and saddle themselves with a 25+ year loan isn't a good idea.

It’s a shitty thing to be unfair to grandchildren would
be my starting point.

and it sounds like the plan for it to turn out to be fair is very much unconfirmed.

but mumsnet typically doesn’t apply any notion of treating children fairly and equally when it comes to inheritance. It’s weird. I don’t get it.

Youngest children can also get a better upbringing though because parents in general have more money and less outgoings when they are older than when they are younger.

How would you have stopped it?

She’s probably doing it to avoid inheritance tax which is a good idea now Labour is in power and your two eldest probably need it now.
Can you try and save a bit so you can help your youngest on the housing ladder when their time comes?

So you have stolen from your son the money his grandmother left to him?

It seems a bit of an unusual decision, especially given that two of the younger three are late teens and will soon be dealing with adulthood and all the associated costs / driving lessons etc and will be comparing their lives to their only slightly older siblings. I could understand it more if the younger three were very very much younger. I think the better thing to do would have been for her to discuss it with you and their father first and see what you thought / if you had any better ideas for allocating the money in a way that would benefit all of them.

I don't have a problem per se with children being gifted different amounts (e.g. I know my own granny gave my sister and my cousin a monthly allowance when they went to uni - they were the oldest children in each family) but when I went three years later there was no such allowance. Was up to her though what to do with her own money, I get that.

Really? in what world?

When I only had one there was only one set of expenses / nursery etc, then with two there are more outgoings - more nurseries, clothes, holiday clubs, activities... money needs to stretch for 4 rather than 3...

Not to mention pay freezes, recession and cost of living...

As someone who got NOTHING from 4 grandparents and 2 parents, I am always shocked by the sense of entitlement on these posts!

i just don't see how anyone is framing it as the other kids will be getting nothing. she had said they will get in her will. Im assuming she's probably thinking she will be gone in the next decade which is when the 18 y/o will be the same age as the oldest. that's fair!

But there are limits for tax and if the money isn't there it cannot be taken. She'd be advised to set up a trust, I think, if there are substantial assets.

My stepson's maternal GM left a chunk of money to be put in trust for her grandchildren.

At the time of her death, DSS was her only GC, and the trust was set up for his benefit (I have no idea if this was how it was specified, or if the executor, her husband, didn't think it through very well.) By the time DSS was 21, the trust fund was enough for him to put down a 60% deposit on a 3-bed house in Brighton, and the 3 GCs born after her death got fuck all.

It has caused no end of resentment. House prices have shot up, the younger GCs have had less favourable student loan arrangements than DSS, their parents are nowhere near as well off as DSS's mother, and the whole arrangement has caused a huge amount of bad feeling between the GCs and between their parents. DSS is sitting pretty financially, while his cousins are struggling and stuck in expensive rentals.

I think it's really unfortunate, and hope that the OPs younger children won't lose out in the way that DSS's cousins have, simply because they were born later.

Well, it’s done now OP so there’s not much that can be said. I agree with PP’s that giving each child £10K would’ve been fairer, but there you are.

If she doesn’t end up giving the younger three equal gifts, perhaps you and your DH can adjust your wills to reflect this, or help them out financially with the understanding that it’s to make up for these gifts.

Life's unfair. Most of us will get advantages that other people don't get at some point and most of us will miss out on advantages that other people have. Are you going to share any financial windfalls that come your way with the large number of people who don't inherit anything from their parents?