MIL gifting money to DC

[CiderWithRosy]

We have 5 DC. Ages 28,24,18,16, 9. MIL has gifted the 2 eldest DC 25 grand each. She says the younger 3 DC will be 'sorted out' when she dies (although there is no guarantee of inheritance because money may be needed for care and as far as I know, she has not set out gifting the younger 3 specifically in her will anyway).
One of the elder DC has used his money on a deposit for a flat (which is great). The other older DC is living at her boyfriends house and has no intention to buy.
I'm FULLY aware that it is MIL's money to do as she chooses, however there is a part of me that feels uncomfortable with the arrangement. I'm prepared to get flamed but am I unreasonable to think that MIL deciding to gift the two eldest a little unfair on the younger three?

It's an entirely different situation when it's grown adults who have all got different situations and finances. But when they are all either children or at the start of their adult life I feel it should also be an equal amount. Or none. Whichever. Not at all wanting any money, just for it to be fair. There is also often no guarantee of money being left. With care homes and things you never know.

They will need to be aware of inhetance tax. Gifts of this amount are only exempt after 7 years so your DCs need to be aware of this.

Sorry I wasn't clear- the person who gave the gift needs to live for 7 years after it is given or inheritance tax would be applied

The time to ask about this IMO would have been before the gifts were made.

ie. Thanks MIL, but have you considered dividing the 50K between all 5 children, 10K each so they all have an equal amount ? We can make sure that they only have access when they are X years old.

She may have her reasons for rejecting it, but at least at that point you are not looking to get "even more" money, just share out what was provided more equally.

@GasPanic thats what I would have done.

I think you’re being unreasonable. As a GM she wants the money to be useful to their adult life, demanding that’s things are equal between a 28 year old and a 9 year old at the same time is stupid!
This has enabled your oldest to buy a home, surely you should be grateful of that?

@GasPanic her children are adults. If I was giving a generous gift of 25K to 2 adults, and their mother tried to tell me what to do with my own money, I'd probably just keep the lot and stuff everyone!

These replies are, quite frankly, batshit. How many threads do you see where grandparents treat their grandkids differently and everyone agrees that they are being unreasonable. Yet here, two of the OP's children have been handed FIFTY THOUSAND POUNDS and the other three have received nothing, and people are saying OP should make up the difference herself??? I've read it all now...

Yes I see what you mean Izzy but to be honest I'm probably thinking more of my 18 year old who is currently working full time and saving for a deposit herself.

This is a much fairer way of doing things. And if circumstances allow later, nothing to stop the GP making further gifts.

It's not a matter of "telling her what to do".

It's a matter of making a polite suggestion without putting on any pressure and maybe let her think about some things she hasn't maybe fully thought through.

Just had a similar scenario with my own DM and my 4DC. She gave DC1 driving lesson money (one lesson) and didn't give anything to the three youngest.

DH really wasn't happy. I understand why you are not comfortable about the arrangement from your MIL.

All should be treated equally.

The grandparent has already said she will plan provisions for the other grandchildren. She didn’t say 2 were getting and 3 weren’t.

A relative left me £60. I think of him kindly nearly every day.

"Grabby" is expecting your MIL to give your kids £50k.

If your MIL offers to give your kids £50k, it's not grabby to ask that it's distributed fairly

So our solution after the driving lesson money was to speak to our eldest. He agreed it was unfair on his siblings and we divided it 4 ways equally between all four children's savings accounts. DM doesn't know this but its the fairest way🤷‍♀️

Well the 18 year old has 6 more years to be the same age as the youngest adult child who received the money.
Personally I wouldn’t give an 18 year old £25k either and would wait until they were hopefully a more sensible age.

I think you are not being unreasonable, OP. It's just not fair. All this wishy washy they'll get something in the future isn't good enough on the unchosen 3. I don't think you're being 'grabby' at all to want the same treatment for all your children. It will also quite possibly divide them and cause rifts in the future between them. Nothing like money to cause bad feeling between siblings.

OP @CiderWithRosy - She's giving the money to older two who are adults and are more likely to need money now / in the near future.

The 18 year old might be saving but chances are she will be at home a few more years yet.

The 9 and 16 year olds are still children so have no need for thousands of pounds currently.

FWIW my Gran did this. She actually gave me my inheritance when I was buying my Ex out of our house. She asked me would I prefer to wait until she'd died or have it to help me out and I needed it at the time. Not a chance would she have given it to me when I was in my teens though!

I wouldn't have allowed that to happen.

Give equally or not at all.

10k each is equally unfair in other ways though. The 28 old would have £10k to put towards a deposit now, whereas the youngest sibling would have 2 decades of compound interest on their money by the time they were the same age!

Canny move. She has removed 50k from her estate, which cannot be touched if she needs care, nor can it be taxed. She will probably do something similar for the other 3. She has been tremendously generous. Make sure DD does not let boyfriend touch her money.

@Vettrianofan Sorry but this is absolutely bat shit crazy!!! Money for one driving lesson and the amount had to be split amongst their siblings!? Christ!!!!

@Vettrianofan Sorry but this is absolutely bat shit crazy!!! Money for one driving lesson and the amount had to be split amongst their siblings!? Christ!!!!

So when a step grandparent does not give their step grandchild the exact same gifts they are seen as the devil incarnate and posters say they should be cut off completely but a bio grandparent can give 25k to 2 of 5 grandkids and that's fine?

For all those saying well it's in the will are being very naive. Care costs, other bills, re-marriage etc can all affect what is left over. There is absolutely no guarantee the younger 3 will ever receive anything. And if they do, they may not get it for 20 plus years - inflation impact etc.

A fair thing to do would be to give everyone the same amount when they reach a certain age e.g. everyone gets 25k at 28 and if the grandma can't afford that then she gives a reduced amount instead.