MIL gifting money to DC

[CiderWithRosy]

We have 5 DC. Ages 28,24,18,16, 9. MIL has gifted the 2 eldest DC 25 grand each. She says the younger 3 DC will be 'sorted out' when she dies (although there is no guarantee of inheritance because money may be needed for care and as far as I know, she has not set out gifting the younger 3 specifically in her will anyway).
One of the elder DC has used his money on a deposit for a flat (which is great). The other older DC is living at her boyfriends house and has no intention to buy.
I'm FULLY aware that it is MIL's money to do as she chooses, however there is a part of me that feels uncomfortable with the arrangement. I'm prepared to get flamed but am I unreasonable to think that MIL deciding to gift the two eldest a little unfair on the younger three?

@Gogogo12345 no she means they haven't told the dd what the ds was left.

Carry on being shocked. Once you are personally affected by a similar situation like this see how you feel? It's fundamentally wrong to treat everyone differently.

I agree no one is entitled to anything though. Saves loads of arguments 🙈

Certainly that was true for one of my parents.

Their parents had finished off paying the mortgage and were on higher salaries as they gained promotion and more money and also had inheritances to count.

The youngest had better holidays, Christmas gifts, more space and less sharing because the oldest had left home or gone off to university already.

You say "in what world" as if it can't happen. Like most things it isn't a given, but it can definitely happen, especially if you have two older siblings close together and a younger one a few years down the line.

My parent didn't begrudge it though, more accepted it as a natural consequence.

Kerrylass - you stole your son's money.
You had absolutely no right to take money that he had been gifted just because you deemed it unfair

@ShagratandGorbag4ever fairness of children within the family is a very different thing

I agree.

This.
And the grandmother of course not there to witness the fallout.

Um is there potentially any issue of inheritance tax for the £25k gifts... (if her overall estate is over £325K and she passes away within 7 years) not something anyone wants to think about but I am fairly sure you cant give more than £3k per year as a gift without possible tax if the factors above are realised?

There is quite a big age gap between your children so I can sort of understand her timing with the older 2.
It is of course her money to do with as she likes, but I would have thought a more fair approach would be to make a gift to each of them at a set age, although her circumstances may still change in the meantime.
I can understand your disappointment on behalf of the younger children, but I don’t think you can question her decision, or be critical.

Exactly. Grandparents dead and gone means they don't have to sort out the rift - instead it's left to the parents 🤪

No one is saying that she should just hand over the younger ones' inheritance to them, perhaps set them up a trust fund each? There's many ways to be fair within the family when giving money.

Why does there need to be a rift? When my mum died she left my brother and I 20% each of proceeds of her house. My youngest brother got 60% of house and everything else. No rift

Op has not answered wether they are all bio grandchildren.

Your DM gave one of your children about £30 for one driving lesson, and you made them give your children £7.50 each to even it up?
That seems very extreme to me.

The link ( www.independentage.org/get-advice/health-and-care/paying-for-care/giving-away-assets-to-pay-for-care#:~:text=Deprivation%20of%20assets%20means%20you,that%20is%20out%20of%20character ) does not relate to tax, it relates to "deprivation of assets".

"If the council decide you’ve deliberately deprived yourself of an asset to avoid paying care costs, they could treat you as if you still had it. They may include its full value in your financial assessment and charge you accordingly. This is called notional capital or notional income.

If you no longer have the asset, you could find that you’re expected to pay more towards your care than you can afford.

If you transferred the asset to someone else to avoid the charge, that person may be responsible for paying the council. They may have to pay the difference between what the council would have charged if you still had the asset and what they did charge..."

That's incredibly generous of her. As the eldest two are over 21, I think this seems fair. She could of course have left everything to all the children in her will, but I expect she wanted to be able to see her adult grandchildren benefit from it while she's still around.

Of course you don't know exactly what's in her will and yes, I would be slightly (privately - don't talk about it to your children!) concerned that there's a possibility they won't all get the same... but you can address that issue if and when it happens. There's no need to let it worry you now.

This is the fairest way.

Independent Age Fact Sheet: Can I protect my assets if I need care?:

https://www.independentage.org/sites/default/files/factsheets/2023-04/Factsheet-Can-I-protect-my-assets-if-I-need-care.pdf?_gl=1d3es4b_upMQ.._gaMTYwOTE1NjEzMi4xNzIzMTI1ODU3_ga_TGBBW3PC3T*MTcyMzEyNTg1Ny4xLjAuMTcyMzEyNTg1Ny4wLjAuMA..

It was £40 (DS has savings to pay for his lessons anyway, so no shortage for this money). So DH said its fair it gets split four ways - DS actually agreed and has had something similar happen before with a younger sibling where he missed out. He agreed it wasn't fair and didn't want that for his siblings. He cares about others.

I have asked DM not to do that but she keeps saying one got a pass at their test there's £10, another did well at X here's £10 etc. Not fair on the others.

Its her money to do what she wants with and I am assuming she's giving it to the kids who need it most at this particular time, thinking that she will leave equal amounts to the younger kids on her death.

This however can backfire as in our case MIL's care home costs £2,000 a week and has burnt through most of her savings. Inheritance is not guaranteed.

That's why all should be treated equally all at the same time. Harsh lesson to learn.

can I ask are they all her blood grandchildren ?

It could have been £100s we are talking about, but it's just the principle of treating everyone equally that matters here.

Like saying sibling A is more deserving than siblings B and C.

You shared 1 driving lesson between 4 kids?

jeez, do you make them share birthday gifts too?

are they all old enough to drive?

No they're not all old enough to drive.

No birthday money is theirs to keep, as is Christmas money. No one would take that away from them!