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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends have no interest in my child

216 replies

Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 19:15

I have a group of friends I’ve been friends with since school. We are now heading into our thirties, a few of us are married or in long term relationships and a couple are still single. I am married and welcomed my first child at the end of last year. My friends were keen to know updates when I was pregnant but have shown little interest since born. My baby is approaching 7 months and they’ve met the baby once and some not at all. They have barely text to check in after the first month or so. I feel disappointed in them and let down. Am I being reasonable? Should I say something? Or should I let the friendships go?

OP posts:
MrsMeaty · 03/08/2024 19:20

If you don't have children other peoples children are not very interesting.

I'll politely enquire after my friends kids because I love my friends, but I don't particularly like or enjoy children, so I don't overly involve myself with them.

ZekeZeke · 03/08/2024 19:20

A new baby is the most adorable and precious thing to its parents.
To others not so much.

SkaneTos · 03/08/2024 19:21

I am the friend with no children. I have many friends with children.

My perspective:

  • I understand that you are disappointed in their lack of interest! I care about my friends, and I care about the children of my friends.
  • Perhaps they think that you are really busy with your child and family life, and they don't want to intrude?
  • Perhaps they think that you have new friends now, that are mothers like you are? I sometimes think like that, rightly or wrongly - that my friends with kids want to hang out with other parents.
  • Have you tried contacting your friends? Asked them about their lives?
KrisAkabusi · 03/08/2024 19:21

I'm with the previous posters. You are naturally interested in your own child. Everyone else, not so much. Particularly after the initial excitement has worn off.

Jifmicroliquid · 03/08/2024 19:21

Your children are not interesting to other people. Sorry OP but I think you have to accept that your kids aren’t a big deal to other people.

Heliotropolis · 03/08/2024 19:22

I don’t think you’re necessarily being unreasonable but outside my own daughter and my niece and nephew, I have very little interest in my friend’s kids. We might briefly chat about what they’re up to when we meet, but I haven’t actually seen some of the kids for years.

WickieRoy · 03/08/2024 19:22

Are you the first in the group to have a baby? I think it's very normal to find you drift from friends when that's the case, and then things drift more towards those with kids as more babies follow.

GoldenPombear · 03/08/2024 19:23

Most people won't have the same interest in your Pfb as you do. Don't say anything, they're really not doing anything wrong. Friendships change once babies are in the mix.

sunights · 03/08/2024 19:24

My advice would be to put your energy into making new friends with similar age babies.

No need to make a decision about your long term friends, as you may find that new friends who you can talk about parenting with while your children play together mean far more to you before long.

Icepearl · 03/08/2024 19:24

Just think back to the friends you knew who have had babies in the last 10 years. What do you remember of their babyhood and childhood. Probably nothing, because you were not interested. If you meet a friends child twice in a year that is actually a hell of a lot.

Abigaillovesholidays · 03/08/2024 19:25

Sadly, you can lose friendships after having a child, especially if you are the first in your group.
You may seen different now you have other priorities.
Have you seen these friends socially in the same way you would have prior to having baby?

Catza · 03/08/2024 19:26

Sorry to be blunt but it is just a child. There are billions of them in the world. Your friends are YOUR friends, not your child's. If you consider dropping a friendship it says rather a lot about you. Most of my friends with kids actually welcomed the opportunity to talk about something else with another adult as their lives were otherwise consumed with motherhood.

Blisterly · 03/08/2024 19:30

I have no more than a passing interest in my friend’s babies. It’s a bit like when your best friend gets a new boyfriend and constantly talks about them - bit of a stranger to you and a baby has no personality! When I meet my friends we say ‘how’s the husband/boyfriend/cat/baby’, then talk about all the things we used to talk about for the rest of the evening.

DappledThings · 03/08/2024 19:32

What do you want them to say? I'm sure they'd politely listen if you want to tell them a bit about your baby but what is there to ask really?

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 03/08/2024 19:33

Life is long if you are lucky. I was the first of my friends to have a baby by quite a long way. As time goes on some of them will have kids, maybe some won't.
Me and my school friends are still friends in our 50s. Some have grandkids, some have kids still in school.
Don't ditch your friends over something so tiny in the overall scheme of things.

Silvers11 · 03/08/2024 19:33

So, have you kept in touch with them? Arranged to see any of them? They may be thinking that now you have the baby, you don't have time, aren't interested in seeing them any more. Maintaining Friendships is a 2 way thing after all?

Original poster
Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 19:35

not the first to have a baby in the group, I have been very present with other member of groups children even though I didn’t have a child at the time. They are now much older. I have reached out and messaged them asked about what is going on with them. I don’t care that they aren’t that interested in the child, I care more that they haven’t reached out to ask how I am.

OP posts:
LittleMousewithcloggson · 03/08/2024 19:37

Exactly what everyone else has said…
Your baby is everything to you (rightly) but nowhere near important to them
Keep In touch with them and if you go out don’t spend hours talking about your baby. You have other things to talk about.
At the same time, make other mum friends and go to baby classes. You can talk about feeding, nappies, development etc with them to your hearts content
As we get older it’s natural to have different friend groups with different interests

otravezempezamos · 03/08/2024 19:40

Why do you need to drop the friends? Just stop talking about babies around them. Other peoples’ babies are boring boring boring.

Izzynohopanda · 03/08/2024 19:41

Jifmicroliquid · 03/08/2024 19:21

Your children are not interesting to other people. Sorry OP but I think you have to accept that your kids aren’t a big deal to other people.

This

eyebagsfordays · 03/08/2024 19:42

The replies on here are harsh. I have friends who had babies before me and I showed interest in how they were doing, visited and built relationships with their children. If you care about a friend you care about their children too. Op you are well within your rights to feel upset and disappointed, they sound like shitty friends. I know not everyone are baby mad but you'd expect at least a text here and there x

LostittoBostik · 03/08/2024 19:43

Babies are tedious until you have them, and they also have no idea what you're going through.

Some of them will catch up. Others may be child free - your relationship with them will change and evolve

paradisecircus · 03/08/2024 19:43

Don't ditch good friends over this; check in with them and see if there's any chance of them visiting / catching up with you.
I haven't got children and might forget to check in and find out how someone's baby is, but I'd be interested in him/her if I visited in person.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 03/08/2024 19:44

I agree with PPs that most people don't have much interest in other people's children. But having said that, I think that since a child is a big part of someone's life, it's nice for friends to show a bit of interest. I'd say the same about any other significant thing in my friends' lives - their jobs, their partners, their pets, anything they care about really.

ShillyShallySherbet · 03/08/2024 19:48

Whether you’re being unreasonable depends really, these friends who aren’t contacting you and asking about your baby, are you contacting them and interested in what’s going on in their lives? Maybe if you really think about it you’re so caught up in your baby (which is only natural) that they’re thinking the very same thing about you. Try reaching out and asking how they are? If they ignore you then YANBU. I found being a new mum a great time to meet new friends so don’t sweat it if you lose a few of the old ones. There are friends for a season, friends for a reason and friends for life and that’s just the way it is.