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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends have no interest in my child

216 replies

Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 19:15

I have a group of friends I’ve been friends with since school. We are now heading into our thirties, a few of us are married or in long term relationships and a couple are still single. I am married and welcomed my first child at the end of last year. My friends were keen to know updates when I was pregnant but have shown little interest since born. My baby is approaching 7 months and they’ve met the baby once and some not at all. They have barely text to check in after the first month or so. I feel disappointed in them and let down. Am I being reasonable? Should I say something? Or should I let the friendships go?

OP posts:
Badmum1978 · 04/08/2024 17:55

I’ve been in your position but didn’t really begrudge anyone not being interested in my child. Other people’s children are not interesting. Sorry!
Hold tight, when they have their children you will be the experienced one who can offer advice.

Champers66 · 04/08/2024 18:24

A proper friend would enjoy getting to know your baby. I lost loads of friends after having 2 babies. And I’m happier without them anyway

CRD67 · 04/08/2024 19:29

Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 20:17

Did you read any of my messages I don’t talk about baby?!

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So then it's not about the baby. Maybe the friendship group is winding down or going quiet for a while.

MeltyPuffedOut · 04/08/2024 20:47

I think you don’t really understand what it is to be a parent until you are one.
knowing what I know now, as a mum, I wish I’d checked in on my first friend who had a baby more. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, we were just leading completely different lives. We drifted for a while, save for the big occasions. When her youngest was 2 I had my eldest. We are very much back in each other’s lives every week, much like we were in our twenties. We’ve just traded the pub for the duck pond!

Vinomummyinlockdown · 04/08/2024 21:35

My best friend in the world - childless - went AWOL for a decade after I had kids ….. now she’s had a child we are back on track. Kids change things.

Lemonbalm13 · 04/08/2024 21:46

Hello12345677 · 03/08/2024 19:15

I have a group of friends I’ve been friends with since school. We are now heading into our thirties, a few of us are married or in long term relationships and a couple are still single. I am married and welcomed my first child at the end of last year. My friends were keen to know updates when I was pregnant but have shown little interest since born. My baby is approaching 7 months and they’ve met the baby once and some not at all. They have barely text to check in after the first month or so. I feel disappointed in them and let down. Am I being reasonable? Should I say something? Or should I let the friendships go?

I know it can be hurtful but I wouldn't let it annoy you or throw away the friendship because of it. People are busy, everyone is run ragged childless or otherwise. I have 3 kids, I don't spend loads of time even with my friends who have kids. Im run ragged, its hard to fit everything in and extra plans to meet up on certain days n times is just exhasting also if im honest. Anytime i do see my friends at kid events none of us can even hold a conversation so i dont really feel like ive seen them even if we do meet up for a kid related event. I have just accepted that people aren't really interested in my kids and that's OK. They chose me as a friend, not my kid you know. I know it might be hard going at the minute but it's also nice to have those friends that remind you of you before children as its very easy to lose yourself when you become a mother. Having kids isn't like tv where your friends call over to play with your kids or you go for walks n stuff together. I think people are just so busy in their day to day lives and its not really personal, they do care and I guarantee if you got them in the same room as your kid they would both probably have a good time meeting them but it's just hard to fit everything in. Reach out and spend some time with them without your kid, it will do you good. Your kid doesn't need your friends but having time away and coming back happier makes you a better parent

Anonymous54 · 04/08/2024 22:08

Sorry but kindly YABU but I understand why.
It’s life changing for you and you want your friends. Having been on both sides of this fence there’s a few points I can share;

  1. there’s lots of reasons people don’t engage with friends kids - for example someone might desperately want to settle/have kids and whilst I am sure someone like this might be genuinely pleased for you, it might be triggering for them to engage a lot. Try and have empathy for where your friends are in their life journey.
  2. it’s very hard to get excited about babies, sorry. I suspect some of your friends may engage better when they can see a little personality coming through etc
  3. in my case, some of the above was true but actually despite some of my friends being very vocal about their expectations around their first kids, a few years down the line when they had several and I had one, they have shown very little interest and support (possibly because they are busy!) but it has pissed me off, especially as the contrast is pretty stark! I was one of those friends who tried hard, despite struggling to engage with the whole situation at times.
  4. Therefore if the you go down this route be sure to reciprocate when they have their first and you have two or three! or your friends will (rightly) be peeved!
MusicMakesItAllBetter · 04/08/2024 22:18

In my experience everyone’s excited about baby’s pending arrival but when baby arrives, friends with no children do tend to waver off. Don’t take it personally. You’ve had a baby, not them. And at 7 months post labour you may be experiencing hormones and sleep deprivation which are not a good mix. Although sucky that they haven’t checked in on you, I wouldn’t ditch the friendships just yet.

1offnamechange · 04/08/2024 23:18

insidenumber9 · 04/08/2024 07:50

so Many bitter people on this thread.

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I don't think you understand what bitter means...
nasty, unsympathetic, mean...fair enough, your opinion
but someone can only be bitter (i.e jealous, resentful) if the situation is relevant to or has some impact on them personally, which it isn't/doesn't to me.
I just think a poster who calls others batshit crazy for disagreeing with her is, tbh, a bit of a dick

scousemouse92 · 05/08/2024 21:47

I didn't give 2 hoots about my friends kids until I had my own - now I take an interest as it's a common ground. In my early thirties I was still living for the weekends to lie in bed with a hangover. Once they have kids though you'll prob still not feel like they care as they will be talking about babies and yours will be at school

savethatkitty · 05/08/2024 21:50

Move on. Season's change, this is one of them.

whiteboardking · 05/08/2024 22:15

It's natural to make new baby friends now. Lives go in different directions

whiteboardking · 05/08/2024 22:18

From experience once you have kids life becomes so hectic that you go into work / children survival world and old friendships take a back seat a bit

Mygrandkidsaregreat · 05/08/2024 22:37

I was the first to have a baby within my friendship group, before mobile phones and the internet.
sadly we had little in common,they were having holidays abroad while I was working and managing a baby, husband and home.I was so very sad about it but eventually found new friends who shared my sort of lifestyle at the time.Some of those are still friends to this day.
It is disappointing and I feel your sadness.

angela1952 · 06/08/2024 20:12

No, I do have children myself but honestly not much interested in other people's children. I was the first of my friends to have babies and none of them were really interested in mine. I don't blame them!

PinotPony · 06/08/2024 20:55

Children are like farts. Everyone thinks their own are amazing, but can't abide other people's.

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