Friends have no interest in my child

[Hello12345677]

I have a group of friends I’ve been friends with since school. We are now heading into our thirties, a few of us are married or in long term relationships and a couple are still single. I am married and welcomed my first child at the end of last year. My friends were keen to know updates when I was pregnant but have shown little interest since born. My baby is approaching 7 months and they’ve met the baby once and some not at all. They have barely text to check in after the first month or so. I feel disappointed in them and let down. Am I being reasonable? Should I say something? Or should I let the friendships go?

i agree lots of batshit posters who haven’t read your posts

time to meet nice new friends and lower your expectations of old friends who don’t maintain the relationship you need

I feel like there are two things going on at once. On the one hand you're saying that you wish they'd send you weekly message asking about your baby and they could ask for pics out of politeness. But then also you are suggesting meeting with them without kids and they're wither declining or ignoring you? They however respond to some messages?

Asking about you and your kids really depends on the friendship. It required effort on both sides. It would never occur to me to ask about my friends kids out of the blue. I'm happy to hear about them. I'm having a friend with a baby visit me tomorrow cause she asked if her and the baby could come over. I'm super haply about that. If you're struggling it is OK to share.

As for them not wanting to meet up and ignoring some requests? They sound like shit friends.

wrong thread

It has absolutely nothing to do with entitlement. It could be a baby or a job or an illness, it’s basically making an effort to be a part of your friends’ lives however different they turn out to be. Of course everyone can decide not to do that, but then don’t expect quality fríendships or getting older around people who are not related to you

I’m very sorry to hear about your mum.

And yes, you absolutely should expect your friends to support you through that. I’m also sorry to hear that you don’t have good friends.

Other people's children are of little interest to most people.

Some when they grow older, if they are sweet natured can be lovely- I think my neighbour's little girl is very sweet, but apart from that, ''OPK's'' as dad called them {Other people's kids} are not interesting..Call it the selfish gene, perhaps?

We are interested in our own child/ren, and think they are the best, most lovely child/ren and that's what really matters.

You don't have to let the friendships go, you just need a group of "mum friends" to supplement them!

You say they don't text you.. why should they? Why should they chase after you because you've got a child now? You're still capable of starting a conversation aren't you?

I am not a fan of children/babies at all. I like my own but don't care to hear stories of others just as I don't bore people with stories of mine. Not everyone is as interested in your kid as you are.

Are you feeling lonely, @Hello12345677 ? It sounds possible.

I'm sure your baby is lovely, and when he or she gets bigger, people will be drawn to him or her.

Women who ''love babies'' tend to be the ones that fuss over little ones.

DS always had people stopping to coo over him in his buggy- but my friends rarely asked. {He's a man now!}

a good friend would care and support through the very short period that you’re overwhelmed by being a new mother.

As the childfree friend, this is often not a 'very short period,' though. I have had friends disappear for literal years into their baby bubble. I've kept friendships with some, but not all. Not all friendships are strong enough.

No one cares about someone else’s baby OP, honestly they don’t! And that’s fine! Use it as an opportunity to get yourself out and have baby-free cocktails over baby-free conversation- it will do you the world of good! 😊

@Hello12345677

I find this attitude bizarre.

Part of friendship is celebrating the things that are important to your friend, even if it isn’t important to you.

Not acknowledging when a long term friend has welcomed a child makes you a shit friend. In the same way that not acknowledging a promotion, or an exam pass, or any else that might be important to your friend, would make you a shit friend.

it’s of no importance to me that my friend has got a new dog. I can take or leave them. But she’s important to me, so of course I ask how she’s getting on with this new addition to her life. To not do so would make me, you guessed it… a shit friend. .

I feel the same OP.

Everyone is always interested at first, you get the one visit then it fizzles out. I've tried really hard to text my friends and still do non-mum things but I never get invited anywhere. I don't post endless photos etc on social media or feel the need to message out that my baby did this or that for the first time as I know that others won't be as excited or happy as I am about my child reaching their milestones.

Another thing... I was pregnant at the sane time as 2 other ladies I work with and we talked about doing things together as our babies were born literally days apart but they never invite me anywhere. I see their SM posts and they must get together twice a week and do various things. I feel quite sad about it!

That’s really sad OP. I’d look for some local mother’s groups and try to make some new friends that do have kids.

For sure… but are you actually saying that you care so little about your friend that you wouldn’t even make the effort to meet their baby at least once? Or acknowledge this major change in their life with the odd text asking after them and their new baby?

This is what the OP is describing so if you are that person then you should know that this level of disinterest is hurtful… and you’re a crap friend.

YABU.

And self-obsessed. And unrealistic.

When you are childfree yourself there is nothing in the world more irritating, noisy, smelly, unhygienic & generally boring than other people’s children. And there is NOTHING more bloody tedious than new parents who are incapable of talking about anything else.

OP has suggested exactly that and been ignored.

I couldn't have cared less about baby stuff before I had DC. I was still in my career & travel bubble. I was expected to drop talking about those interests & listen to pregnancy & baby talk. I could do it for a while, but sitting around while babies played was dull. I tried my best but really wanted to enjoy life before I had DC myself.

Tbh, once I had DC, those same mums were disparaging about babies & how happy they are to be past that & refused to make accommodations for me.

I admit I have never been interested in other people's babies or children. Even friends's children.

Except in this case the OP’s friends have barely acknowledged her child in seven months… OP hasn’t had chance to be incapable of talking about anything else.

Did you actually read the OP?!

You are free to make whatever assumptions you like about someone over a random short post on the internet. That says more about you than me as you know not a thing about me from that very tiny insignificant snippet.
But hope you feel better for it 🙂

Glad you’re a good friend @ZadelRoad.
Will mean the world when a friend of yours has a new baby.

Very good points

You are new parents and as a parent of course your baby its your everything. But not gor your friends.

my sons are my everything but i dont like other people kids. I dont like kids. Only like my kids. I dont even ask about my bestfriend kids and i find it annoying if i met new parents and all they talk about their new baby. In their eyes the baby its cute but not in my eyes. I just dont like baby. Maybe you can tone in down a bit. Your friends like and love you but doesnt meant they need to love your baby like you do. It takes time.

Tell them how you are feeling (using "I feel" rather than "you make me feel"!)

I also have a group of friends from school and I was the last to have a baby. Oh my god the amount of times I have apologised to them 😂 I just had no idea.

When they had their babies I would go round with flowers and a gift, have a cuddle, and then let them drop off the face of the earth until they were ready to start drinking again.

If any of them ever felt like you do, I'd have hoped that they'd have messaged to say that they were feeling a bit neglected so that I could have corrected that. I always just assumed they were busy being mums and knackered.