Friends have no interest in my child

[Hello12345677]

I have a group of friends I’ve been friends with since school. We are now heading into our thirties, a few of us are married or in long term relationships and a couple are still single. I am married and welcomed my first child at the end of last year. My friends were keen to know updates when I was pregnant but have shown little interest since born. My baby is approaching 7 months and they’ve met the baby once and some not at all. They have barely text to check in after the first month or so. I feel disappointed in them and let down. Am I being reasonable? Should I say something? Or should I let the friendships go?

I feel that no one really cares about other people's kids that much unless it's close family. I have no desire to see Facebook pictures of other peoples kids first day at school etc, no-one wants to see it, save it for the family album.

I remember feeling exactly the same OP... my best friends in the world really weren't that interested in my baby. We still went out as friends a lot though and when they had their firsts ten years after mine, they got it.

I am not interested in my friends children. Don't take their uninterest personally.

I went and made baby friends as I knew no one with children and this was the best thing ever. I am grateful to this day to these women.

I also think you need to be aware that some people can't have children or haven't found the right partner to create a family with (me at the moment). I find it really difficult when I hear that a friend or acquaintance has had a baby. I'm supposed to be overjoyed for me but in reality, it's hard and painful for me. You need to understand that perhaps people have other things going on.

Why can't you just be friends with them and not talk about the baby? I get what you mean, it's a bit hurtful but if they're not interested, they're not interested. I only realised after having children I was exactly the same with my friends that had kids. I always asked how they were, but not much more than that (because I didn't really care. Equally I never ask people about their pets)

My close friends and I all care about each other's kids. This seems odd to be so disinterested.

It doesn't mean that's all we talk about but they are our kids. Of course we talk about them. Just like we talk about our parents, partners, dating, all of it.

I love my friends kids. They are amazing, just like my friends.

Well I’ve got a 16 and 12 year old. 16 year old was the first baby born of our group
of friends abd they all loved DC to bits. Over the years we now have 9 between us and we barely know each others kids - to the point, they wouldn’t recognise the adults and vice vecer. We live in different cities and are busy. We’re still friends but it’s definitely harder.

Don’t take it to heart OP

What does someone have to be interested in your child to be friends with you?

If your life revolves around your child you can't see this then yes you have bigger issues

I am a grandmother. I adore my granddaughter. Recently my friend became a gm and yesterday l realised l had very little interest in her gc. Of course she was gushing with excitement and l listened but inside l wasn't all in. We will still be close friends but it's amazing how blood ties even make gc the centre of your life..but not of others. Keep the friendships. They will stand to you for life but let go all expectations for your baby.

I care about my friends kids, seems I'm weird though, seeing as there are only a few of us on this thread.

I have great relationships with these kids too, we look forward to seeing each other!

I'm sorry your friends haven't been as interested as you'd like, unfortunately this thread shows this is normal.

Can I just say I totally agree with you! Some people on here have very low set bars. At no point are you demanding your child is revererred in some way, but it is very obvious that their interactions towards you has changed. You can feel it.
Even if they are not interested in your baby that doesn't mean they cant text YOU and ask how YOU are doing.
Would your DP be okay with you offering àn open ended invitation, was there a certain day you used to meet up?

'anyone interested in meeting up for a coffee/drink .one Thursday evenjng over the next few weeks, as DP is able to have the baby on those days. If so can we arrange a date? Would love to see you x

On a positive for their side their lives will be busy and they will think your life will be so busy so it may not be purely negative. Every now and again I meet up with 2 school friends fir a meal out but we didnt for a long time (no kids issue, in our 50s )I became really aware i wasnt doing much to maintain that, another friend was, and i felf realky guilty! I now try to do the 'reach out' or send a how sre you text x x. Even though there's only 3 of us to 'organise' actually the last 4 meals out have just been 2 as the 3rd has, genuinely, been unable to find the time, as lives are so busy.

I hope you feel better knowing there are some on here who 'get' it x x

I HAVE NEVER SAID I WANT BABY TO BE FOCUS. HAPPY TO MEET WITH NO BABY

I’m guessing they don’t know that though and expect it will happen. If your child is young they may think that you will suggest meeting and baby will be with you for feeding, or they will be subject to looking at baby photos and baby talk. So, it might not be your expectation but may be theirs?

If you do have children, other people's children are not always that interesting either. I have absolutely no interest in holding babies or cuddling/being close with other people's children. I love my own and tolerate others if I'm honest. I do like children I just don't understand loving other people's. I am autistic but I don't think it's just my autism to be honest, I know a lot of people who aren't bothered with other people's kids. Of course I do have some friends who seem to genuinely love and form connections with other people's children but I personally find myself to be indifferent.

I agree with this. Friends should care about you and want to know you are OK x

No idea if the op does this and no I have not read every thread but one thing that would stop me asking about other people's children is when parents can't think of anything else to say except about their children

Having a child can turn some people obsessive and their whole life stops unless it is to do with their children

PFB is a pretty condescending term.
why use it when there is absolutely no need?

This bit is silly. You can't opt out of social media then expect your friends to beg you for photos.

so Many bitter people on this thread.

I agree, other people’s children are just not that interesting. For me, same goes for grandchildren. We have recently become grandparents and it’s just the best thing ever, but I find my friends’ grandchildren very uninteresting. I’m happy for them and look at their photos but I would rather talk about other things.

I found maternity leave very lonely indeed, even my family didn't check up very regularly and my siblings have had kids so they know what it's like. I was glad going back to work for that reason.

I think it's pretty shit indeed, but I'm not sure I have done better before I had my own kids. I think if my friends had reached out saying they needed more support I would have been there, and the same way if I had said something my friends and family would have been there for me.

I don't know how much your current level interaction differ from what it used to be like: did they reduce contact? or just maintain the same level when you think they should be there a bit more?
It's not unreasonable from long-term friends but unless you mention it (maybe to the one you feel closer to), it's likely they just don't realise it.

I also think that friendships fluctuates and it might be time to make new friends. It doesn't mean dropping the others.

YANBU for expecting your friends to be by your side during the most important experience you've ever had.
Unfortunately, society nowadays is not made for children and people live their everyday life without noticing or even encountering them, so one can't blame them for not realising how wonderful they are. The fact that they are or aren't yours is irrelevant, because children have intrinsical value!

I read the OP yesterday then headed out, I thought it was going to be the typical case of you being the first to have a baby and things drifting a bit. But reading the updates your friends do sound a bit shit OP.

It's polite to ask after your friends' children - and partners, jobs, parents, holidays etc. You're supposed to take an interest in your friends' lives.

@Polarnight your friends absolutely should be supporting you after losing your mum.

Not everyone is interested/fascinated in other people’s children.🤷‍♀️