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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off about this?

203 replies

Newbie8918 · 28/07/2024 11:23

TL:DR DH and I have same salary but get content comments about how lucky I am as there's an assumption that DH is the one paying/funding everything!

My DH and I both have decent jobs and decent salaries however I am sick to death about people commenting about our life in relation to how well DH must be doing so we can afford XYZ and how lucky I am 🤣
Both of our families are very working class and have similar, traditional values about gender roles I suppose.
DH and I never disclose what we earn or discuss work in general with them but they both know that we both work full time.
My job is quite vague. Think Chandler Bing 'Transponster' 🤣, so none of them actually know exactly what I do for work.
I think it pisses me off because nothing has ever come easy and I've literally worked my backside off to achieve where I am in my career, as has DH and it's constantly reduced to 'lucky you, DH must be doing well'. People find it easier to believe that DH must be earning almost double his currently salary, rather than considering that we're fairly equal.

For example we've just purchased a new home. I actually earn slightly more than DH and have far more disposable income, and poured everything that I had spare into our previous mortgage to reduce the term, meaning we were in a good position to buy this one. All I have heard since, is how DH must be skint, buying that big house for us!
Nail in the coffin was at the family bbq where my uncle asked to see pics of the work that we have done (total reno. Listed building) to which he said loudly 'wow, incredible. Looks like you've been at DH's credit card again' 🙈

I don't know what I want here! I'm never going to correct them, neither of us are. Nor would I ever reply with 'hey, I pay my share' as it sounds petty and defensive and I know it's not meant to be hurtful but EFF me! Woman can also have successful careers too 🤣

OP posts:
Mamabear999 · 28/07/2024 16:23

That would drive me insane. My child minder drove my son home one day and there were other kids in the car and they said to DS “your house is massive what does your Dad do” She corrected them and said to the boys why did they not ask what his mummy did for a living. It’s annoying when you are equal and people treat you like a kept pooch.

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:24

thursdaymurderclub · 28/07/2024 16:23

and its not even august yet! the season is only half way through... best buckle in OP you've got a few more weeks of it yet

and what about after the reno is done???

I see more threads coming our way

Newbie8918 · 28/07/2024 16:24

salem4cuddles · 28/07/2024 16:23

When this happens tell them that it is you that has the money and you just use DH for his extremely large penis....then walk away

Hahahahaha. Aunty Freda would shit herself 🤣

OP posts:
whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:25

Mamabear999 · 28/07/2024 16:23

That would drive me insane. My child minder drove my son home one day and there were other kids in the car and they said to DS “your house is massive what does your Dad do” She corrected them and said to the boys why did they not ask what his mummy did for a living. It’s annoying when you are equal and people treat you like a kept pooch.

especially when they’re not preschoolers but adult family members!

Newbie8918 · 28/07/2024 16:26

Mamabear999 · 28/07/2024 16:23

That would drive me insane. My child minder drove my son home one day and there were other kids in the car and they said to DS “your house is massive what does your Dad do” She corrected them and said to the boys why did they not ask what his mummy did for a living. It’s annoying when you are equal and people treat you like a kept pooch.

Love that the childminder corrected them! What a great response!

OP posts:
thursdaymurderclub · 28/07/2024 16:27

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:24

and what about after the reno is done???

I see more threads coming our way

pool? sun terrace? erm... state of the art security system? or car.. gotta be a car next

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:28

thursdaymurderclub · 28/07/2024 16:27

pool? sun terrace? erm... state of the art security system? or car.. gotta be a car next

and the judgement from some of these family members will be unreal

Brace yourself Op!!

thursdaymurderclub · 28/07/2024 16:32

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:28

and the judgement from some of these family members will be unreal

Brace yourself Op!!

to be fair there cannot be that many more family members to tell! the OP must have spoken to just about her entire family this summer!

i guess there are the long lost relatives to come out of the cupboards yet who won't know!

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:34

thursdaymurderclub · 28/07/2024 16:32

to be fair there cannot be that many more family members to tell! the OP must have spoken to just about her entire family this summer!

i guess there are the long lost relatives to come out of the cupboards yet who won't know!

by the sounds of it, there’s still probably some grannies and great gramps that have got whiff of the reno and want to have a chat about it!

OldTinHat · 28/07/2024 16:40

I'd have to be passive aggressive and say something like 'I know, such a shame for DH, he works so hard and yet I still earn far more than him, he's a lucky boy to have such an incredible wife, eh?'.

OldTinHat · 28/07/2024 16:44

Btw, I've had tradespeople round to quote for works on my house. I get comments such as 'shall we run this past your landlord' or 'let your other half know the price and get back to me'.

I own my house outright, no mortgage, rent or OH.

Twointhehand1 · 28/07/2024 16:45

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:34

by the sounds of it, there’s still probably some grannies and great gramps that have got whiff of the reno and want to have a chat about it!

Your responses are giving proper schoolgirl bully vibes! You’ve twisted everything the OP said to your own agenda.
women find it hard enough to navigate stereotypes and misogyny, without comments like these! Wow!

Twointhehand1 · 28/07/2024 16:47

thursdaymurderclub · 28/07/2024 16:27

pool? sun terrace? erm... state of the art security system? or car.. gotta be a car next

Some of these comments are downright nasty. I’ve read the thread and it’s not justified IMO

Newbie8918 · 28/07/2024 16:49

@Twointhehand1 you spotted that 🤣 Thanks but honestly they can crack on. Adults purposely being dicks to other adults will never fail to amaze me!

OP posts:
whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:50

Newbie8918 · 28/07/2024 16:49

@Twointhehand1 you spotted that 🤣 Thanks but honestly they can crack on. Adults purposely being dicks to other adults will never fail to amaze me!

seems to me like you are pissed off with people all around you behaving like dicks 🤷

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:51

how sweet @Twointhehand1

you joined mumsnet just to post on this thread 🧦

Newbie8918 · 28/07/2024 16:51

OldTinHat · 28/07/2024 16:44

Btw, I've had tradespeople round to quote for works on my house. I get comments such as 'shall we run this past your landlord' or 'let your other half know the price and get back to me'.

I own my house outright, no mortgage, rent or OH.

Madness isn’t it? 🤣

OP posts:
thursdaymurderclub · 28/07/2024 16:51

Twointhehand1 · 28/07/2024 16:47

Some of these comments are downright nasty. I’ve read the thread and it’s not justified IMO

if you think they are nasty.. thats on you. just because i do not agree with the OP!

but thats what happens when you post on a public forum.. sometimes people agree with you and sometimes they don't!

at the end of the day its just a difference of opinion...the OP has posted in AIBU..
in my opinion yes they are!

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:52

basically i agree that i would be pissed off and sick of it

and op really doesn’t seem to like that!

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:53

thursdaymurderclub · 28/07/2024 16:51

if you think they are nasty.. thats on you. just because i do not agree with the OP!

but thats what happens when you post on a public forum.. sometimes people agree with you and sometimes they don't!

at the end of the day its just a difference of opinion...the OP has posted in AIBU..
in my opinion yes they are!

they joined mumsnet to just post on this thread. so angered by me basically agreeing with the Op that i would be bloody pissed off in her shoes!

Newbie8918 · 28/07/2024 16:53

@whichfan I mean…..that’s not what you said but ok.

OP posts:
thursdaymurderclub · 28/07/2024 16:55

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:52

basically i agree that i would be pissed off and sick of it

and op really doesn’t seem to like that!

it really wouldn't bother me! in our house no one cares who earns more or who has the more or who contributes more. my money is his money and his money is mine.

we disagree at times about what to spend it on.. but we dont play one upmanship over who has most. (me by the way 😂)

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:55

Newbie8918 · 28/07/2024 16:53

@whichfan I mean…..that’s not what you said but ok.

what have i said that is so appalling

genuinely

aside from saying these family members sound offensive and thick

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:55

thursdaymurderclub · 28/07/2024 16:55

it really wouldn't bother me! in our house no one cares who earns more or who has the more or who contributes more. my money is his money and his money is mine.

we disagree at times about what to spend it on.. but we dont play one upmanship over who has most. (me by the way 😂)

it would piss me off if it was every family event as the op says it is.

whichfan · 28/07/2024 16:56

but my DH would simply have said “actually @whichfan earns more than me”

and that would be the end of that

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