To be pissed off about this?

[Newbie8918]

TL:DR DH and I have same salary but get content comments about how lucky I am as there's an assumption that DH is the one paying/funding everything!

My DH and I both have decent jobs and decent salaries however I am sick to death about people commenting about our life in relation to how well DH must be doing so we can afford XYZ and how lucky I am 🤣
Both of our families are very working class and have similar, traditional values about gender roles I suppose.
DH and I never disclose what we earn or discuss work in general with them but they both know that we both work full time.
My job is quite vague. Think Chandler Bing 'Transponster' 🤣, so none of them actually know exactly what I do for work.
I think it pisses me off because nothing has ever come easy and I've literally worked my backside off to achieve where I am in my career, as has DH and it's constantly reduced to 'lucky you, DH must be doing well'. People find it easier to believe that DH must be earning almost double his currently salary, rather than considering that we're fairly equal.

For example we've just purchased a new home. I actually earn slightly more than DH and have far more disposable income, and poured everything that I had spare into our previous mortgage to reduce the term, meaning we were in a good position to buy this one. All I have heard since, is how DH must be skint, buying that big house for us!
Nail in the coffin was at the family bbq where my uncle asked to see pics of the work that we have done (total reno. Listed building) to which he said loudly 'wow, incredible. Looks like you've been at DH's credit card again' 🙈

I don't know what I want here! I'm never going to correct them, neither of us are. Nor would I ever reply with 'hey, I pay my share' as it sounds petty and defensive and I know it's not meant to be hurtful but EFF me! Woman can also have successful careers too 🤣

Now imagine multiple family members saying this across multiple family events…. however pissed off you feel when you’re mum says that… the Op must have spent a lot of this summer… pissed off!

so exacly like i described then... lol

get over yourselves

Before we met DH had made some investments that will tie his money up for a while but will pay off in the end. My extra went into savings but I couldn't access and redirect to the mortgage.
I also have a medical condition which means that I can't drive, so I've never had any of those associated bills.

why did you. not just reply with 'i dunno' and then steer the conversation away? so you were going on about it lol

you say you are sick of people always asking.. your aunt asked!!

@thursdaymurderclub

How is answering a question and getting into a conversation (not instigated by me) 'going on'

I also never said I was sick of anyone asking 🤣

And yeah.....not wanting to talk about salary and how I earn too equates to needing to get over ourselves. Ok! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yup. I think my smiling and nodding is wearing thin 🤣

your post is litterally titled 'to be pissed off'

personally i dont think one bloke saying to another bloke 'that must be costing you a fair penny' is in any way anything to do with how much he earns to what you earn. i think its a normal blokey conversation thing. You don't even need to correct them with 'we'.

you are desperate to get across that you earn more than your partner..

thats what this is about.. you want them all to know that YOU have put more into this house than He has.

this is all about you.. thats what this is about... YOU, you want and need all your family to know that you are better than your husband!

this kind of comment wouldn't bother me in the slightest.. people could say what they want all day long and it wouldn't bother me.

have a great day

@thursdaymurderclub you are literally on another planet if that's what you got from anything I've posted.

Have a lovely day

I set people straight. Otherwise it perpetuates the myth.

yes Op

you did

however I am sick to death about people

@whichfan of people assuming that I don't contribute. Not sick of them asking how the Reno was coming.

Read it again.

OP: I am pissed off, i am irritated, i am “sick to death

Posters: agreed. They sound very annoying and all these family events to be asked each time sounds shits

OP: now hang on a minute! I don’t really get annoyed and it’s just here and there and no one “goes on” and they’re from a different generation so you should understand that

😆

@whichfan writing your own little version there. Well done but incorrect

they are not assuming you dont contribute.... you have just decided to interpret it like that...

one male saying to another male 'must cost you a pretty penny' i personally would interpret the YOU as the household/savings/both of you...

i stand by what i say... you need your family to know you earn more than partner and thats why you are offended by it.

nope

* however I am sick to death about people commenting about our life in relation to how well DH must be doing so we can afford XYZ and how lucky I am 🤣*

so clearly you are sick of this

oh yes i know not sick of reno questions

bit now you’re saying that actually… no big deal!

it’s pretty much exactly what’s happened on this thread!

Head tilt, tinkly laugh, "That's a very outdated assumption - that a man always earns more than his partner"

if i’m pissed off and “sick to death” and irritated about something that is happening at every family event… blooming heck op, this summer must have been pretty … annoying!

or the DH says
“actually OP earns more than me”

Done. Dusted

its what i do... if and its very rare but very occasionally if people assume hubby is the bread winner... i just laugh and wink.. and say 'of course'...

its not a big deal, it is what it is... i don't need to prove myself to anyone how much better than anyone else i am because i have more money!

@whichfan

Let's take this a bit at a time shall we?

OP: now hang on a minute! I don’t really get annoyed and it’s just here and there and no one “goes on” and they’re from a different generation so you should understand that

Where do I say it's not annoying?

I was accused of 'going on' about the renovation. Your point isn't even in the same context

I did defend them yes and say they're not idiots or trying to be hurtful.

Feel like you should write headlines for the daily mail you've misquoted and twisted that much 🤣

When this happens tell them that it is you that has the money and you just use DH for his extremely large penis....then walk away

and its not even august yet! the season is only half way through... best buckle in OP you've got a few more weeks of it yet

enjoy your next summer family bbq OP!