Does anyone else's DH do this?

[McSteamyorMcdreamy]

Give you an update (invariably a bad one) about the kids when you are on an afternoon out with your friends?

Without fail. Every. Single. Time. I have been out for an hour and I have already had the text message to say that my youngest is playing up and "oh im in for a good night, hope you are enjoying yourself".

Why does he do it?? I now feel shit and feel compelled to go home.

Mine used to do it, until I had words. He now doesn’t.

He does it so you feel shit and go home. Ignore and carry on with your night. Then when you are in one evening have it out with him. Kids aren't easy, welcome to the world of parenting. He needs to plan better.

Nope. He does the opposite and doesn’t tell me anything(unless serious) because he knows I would worry and stress and he wants me to relax and have a good time. I don’t go out that often to be fair!

Have you tried telling him not to do it?

Don't let him control you like this. Don't go home, he's an equal parent!

Your husband does this to deliberately ruin your evening. He is going out of his way to make you feel like shit. What a fucking charmer, and I am sure this isn't the only twatish thing he does.

Why you are putting up with this bullshit is beyond me.

Do the same to him the next time he's on a night out. And keep doing it till he gets the message.

@Aquamarine1029 it's like my BF has just joined mumsnet to tell me that!

It's a fucking shame you don't listen to her.

He's pissed off that he's stuck at home with his kids while you're out enjoying yourself.
It's not that bad for him but he's exaggerating it so you feel shit and either don't enjoy yourself, like he isn't, or you come home and not enjoy yourself and he does.
Reply with "As you're their dad, I trust you to handle it" and then ignore him.

My ex husband used to. It’s controlling and abusive. Unless he genuinely doesn’t realise the effect then it’s just silly - have you told him how it makes you feel?

I did this the other night🙈 Dh was out with work, kids were all up, all I wanted was bed and I sent a ‘hope you’re having a good one’(I meant this) ‘kids still up, I just want them to go to beddddd!!(cry face!)’

Just write back 'O dear. Hope you are OK' that will do, then get on with your night. He is trying to spanner it up on purpose. Don't feel guilty. He has to look after his own kids for one night. Boo hoo!

Just ignore it now and have words when you get back that he is not to text you whilst out unless it is a life saving emergency.

My husband did this once with our first and I text back that I didn't give a shit and to figure it out like have to everyday and hasn't done it ever again.

He knows exactly how it makes you feel and that's why he does it. Ignore

My response to this would be a convo something along the lines of "when you do this, what is the purpose of the text? Are you telling me because you want a bit of emotional support i.e. 'yep our child can be hard work at times, sorry you've copped a day when he/she is being a bit of a handful' or are you saying you cannot manage and you need me to come home, because that's a whole other conversation we should have. If it's neither of these things, what's the purpose in telling me whilst I'm out? I can't DO anything about it other than to feel anxious its going tits up indoors or just feel shit about being out when you are clearly unhappy about it"

No, he’s out with our son today and I doubt I’ll hear from him before he gets home, I stupidly signed up to look after eight children today (who are currently is appears trying to kill each other in the garden), so I’ve sent him a text about my wonderful decision as I know if he reads it it rightly won’t have an impact on his day, well it will, he’ll piss himself laughing at me.

Fucking hell, definitely do not ignore this. He needs to be told in no uncertain terms that this shit ends now. It's abusive, controlling, and totally disrespectful. Don't ever be a doormat to this type of behaviour.

I voted YABU. As you are BU for feeling guilty.

Hendoes it to make you return feeling guilty and clearly it works. So why should he stop? He gets his way each time. Stop giving in.

If it were my husband I would type a cheery « oh you have your hands full! Be home in a few hours! Xx »

i would address this with him later on. He knows exactly what he is doing.

I'd just reply: uh oh! Good luck!

And send the game of thrones gif.

Then tomorrow talk it out with him.

No because he respects me enough to want me to relax and enjoy myself, not guilt trip me because I've left him with his own kids.

Don’t you DARE go home! We forbid you!

He is doing it deliberately so don’t fall for it.

In my relationship with DH, it was me who did this not him . I did it because I struggled with DS's behaviour and just wanted to let off steam . All I wanted was a jokey emoticon reply or acknowledgement. I certainly didn't want DH to feel bad or come home. Then again DH wouldn't ever have felt that I was trying to ruin his evening as I definitely was not. I just felt bad that I was struggling to cope and wanted him to just be on my side and acknowledge that DS was hard to handle sometimes ( he has asd and adhd)

DH on the other hand never ever did this . DH is most definitely a better parent and person than I am , less selfish and needing of validation . Luckily DH loves me and doesn't assume my insecurities or difficulties in coping are about him

If DH had said to me that he didn't like me sending those texts I definitely would have stopped though but he never asked so I didn't. Maybe ask him not to send them and say how they make you feel. If he doesn't stop after that then that is another matter altogether.

What’s the GoT gif?

Also, OP, your DH is being a bit of a cunt.

Absolutely not!!

If you’re used to texting each other random stuff throughout the day, then it may just be habit.

I hope he’s not intentionally trying to guilt trip you.

Only check your phone every 30mins.
Do not reply straight away and when you do just reply something like “oh dear, that’s not good.”

Do not go home.