Does anyone else's DH do this?

[McSteamyorMcdreamy]

Give you an update (invariably a bad one) about the kids when you are on an afternoon out with your friends?

Without fail. Every. Single. Time. I have been out for an hour and I have already had the text message to say that my youngest is playing up and "oh im in for a good night, hope you are enjoying yourself".

Why does he do it?? I now feel shit and feel compelled to go home.

He is the dad, he should be as capable as you to sort out the child, so no need to go home!

Why would you feel compelled to go home?

you’ve left your children with their other parent not the local 13 year old babysitter.

he is their parent just as much as you are. Does he come running home to you everytime their is a tantrum or stressful situation, I’m guessing not.

you are being a martyr by not just letting him get on with parenting.

“Welcome to my world DH. Sounds like you need more parenting practice so I’ve arranged to go out again tomorrow! xoxo”

He’s a total arse.

Just reply
And your telling me this why? While I'm on a night out. Ita not like I can do anything about it

No he wouldn't dream of it....because he's not a selfish controlling twat.

Send a 👍and ignore.
But tomorrow have very firm words.
Doubt this is his only twatty behaviour.

Or have some fun with it op

Yep, our kids are the spawn of Satan. Have fun 😁

Spot on and an extreme example of selfishness on his part!
Enjoy your much deserved time out with your friends

My ex does this. I don’t dread not having my son because he’s away from me (though I do miss him of course) but because my ex starts with the messages the minute they get back to his house. Drives me loopy

So as usual a bunch of women whose total knowledge of your life and relationship is the approximately 70 words you’ve written, and whose knowledge of your husband’s motivations is precisely zero, are condemning him as a total lost cause.

also, they’re encouraging you to do all sorts of things to hint, passive-aggressively get your own back and otherwise sidestep actually communicating about it.

Be the adult, and tell him the impact of his behaviour, and tell him you expect it to stop.

“I love you and the kids with all my heart, but I occasionally need a break. When I’m having a break, you sending me messages about how hard you’re finding it defeats the whole point of me having a break. I get that you find it hard, but I really need you to take care of the kids, do what you can to have a fun time, and leave me to switch off. Please.”

This is the approach - just let him know, via humour, that his whingeing has zero impact on you and get on with your night

LOVE THIS RESPONSE!!! Say this op xxx

Mine is the same - wants me to have a good time (& I do go out often / weekends away with friends etc).

You need to tell him to stop or hide / mute his messages until you're on your way home for the evening.

DH: oh im in for a good night, hope you are enjoying yourself
You: aw hope they settle down for you. Having a great time, thanks, so good to finally be out! x

He can only ruin your day if you let him. Enjoy being out with your friends but tomorrow have a think about whether you and your DH need to have a chat.

I voted YANBU but actually you are being unreasonable for feeling you should go home.

He does this because he's angling for you to come and do the work of parenting instead of him.

DO NOT GO HOME.
Leave him to deal with his own children by himself. He is their parent FFS.

YY to 'life threatening emergency' text only.

You need to train this fool or you will be stuck with pathetic behaviour like this for years.

I’ve said YABU for feeling compelled to go home. No way would that thought ever cross my mind!

Just reply ‘Gosh, I’m sure glad I’m not there, then. Good luck!’

I really don't see why you think you should go home! That's a weird reaction to being told the kids are playing up; like you're the only competent parent. Not the way to go if you want more nights out! I think I'd just not look at my phone or else text back "great thanks; really appreciate your hard work tonight!" With a smiley face. In other words give him credit and a bit of praise and don't bite. If he means it innocently that's fine; if he doesn't then it's also a good reaction.

Because he's a dickhead.

I'd reply "Welcome to my world darling! 😂 Don't wait up! xx"

And then have a lovely evening!

Ex would have done this (so rarely I went out!) but partner would never- if ever I were to get a text like this, I'd be all "well that's a shame and I'm so pissed now that I won't be any use ha ha ha" but I don't mind being a cunt when someone's being a cunt to me.

You feel compelled to go home? Don’t you dare! He’s doing this, as pp said, to ruin your day-how could you possibly expect him to parent his own kids?! Ignore, carry on and read him his fortune when you (eventually) go home.

He's doing it because he doesn't want you to enjoy yourself. You know, don't you, that this relationship is going to break up? Get your ducks in a row.

I don't know your DH, so can't say he is doing it deliberately to ruin your day. But my DH used to send me messages when he was struggling and not quite knowing how to handle it.

But I knew he didn't mean anything by it, so I did speak to him about it. I pointed out that I didn't do it to him, and it spoils my day to just get negative messages from him, when there is nothing I can do about it, and I didn't want to mute him in case he needed me urgently. He did take it on board and stopped doing it.

So you could try talking to him. But if you genuinely think he is doing it deliberately then either mute him or just turn your phone off.

@Arghgerroffyabastard

So as usual a bunch of women whose total knowledge of your life and relationship is the approximately 70 words you’ve written, and whose knowledge of your husband’s motivations is precisely zero, are condemning him as a total lost cause.

A bunch of women whose total lived life experience has enabled them to home in unerringly on a lazy, selfish, manipulative, twattish man child.

Are you a man yourself?