Does anyone else's DH do this?

[McSteamyorMcdreamy]

Give you an update (invariably a bad one) about the kids when you are on an afternoon out with your friends?

Without fail. Every. Single. Time. I have been out for an hour and I have already had the text message to say that my youngest is playing up and "oh im in for a good night, hope you are enjoying yourself".

Why does he do it?? I now feel shit and feel compelled to go home.

Only check your phone every 30mins.
Why check your phone at all when your out. Do you think he is not responsible enough to take care of any problems himself just leave it to him.

The answer is in your post.
For the same reason men f up your birthday/special day or derails your career or undermines your confidence.
Its utterly vile behaviour and exceptionally common among manchildren.
Tell him that you see what he is doing, and to stop crying wolf to ruin your day.
Its dreadful behaviour do not ignore it.

Why does he do it?? I now feel shit and feel compelled to go home.

Question, meet answer.

Message back. 'oh dear, you'll cope for one night's.

He's doing it so you'll go home. Don't go home. Hell probably up his game but you'll see it for what it is and hopefully read him the riot act that he knocks it off or your relationship won't last.

I don't understand why you feel compelled to go home???

If mine did this he'd just be emphasising what a good deed he is doing for me (!) and in fairness just expect a laughing emoji response.

a parent parenting their own children isn’t doing a good deed. It’s their job as a parent.

That would just get a passive aggressive thumbs up in response from me

I am going to take a different angle and say, he is probably not trying to ruin your night. Unless he is a knob in other areas of your life. My husband will often do this but I just say "uh oh, you poor thing" and carry on with my evening. He struggles with the kids overstimulating behaviour. I don't think that makes him a bad person, or "controlling and abusive". God help us, really!!!??? When he's out somewhere i don't generally text him about the kids, unless they really just won't go to sleep and I'm tired. Then I will also send a complainy message and he will reply with something similar.

Is it a ploy to go home early- as in, do you often just go home as a result or is it an update for update sake.

Me and DH update each other when the other is out but not to come home, just funny updates or to confirm they've gone to bed etc.

"Why does he do it?? I now feel shit and feel compelled to go home."

Haven't you just answered your own question?

Why do you feel compelled? You're out for the afternoon, not on safari for a month. Honestly, I wouldn't even feel compelled to answer his text.

Enjoy your afternoon, and when you get home tell him you only want to hear from him if he's ringing from the hospital or the morgue. And remind him of this restriction every time you go out for the afternoon from no on.

Given that the OP has said her own BF would say the same as many responses on here, this bunch of women are probably correct

'yup, now you know why I need a break' and then switch your phone on silent. Only check occasionally

Mine did this. I'd either leave it preview so it came up that I hadn't read it, or I wouldn't respond (if really pushed, I'd do the thumbs up reaction.).

It's nasty, controlling behaviour designed to ruin your time away from him / kids and coerce you into going home and stepping back into you "role" as domestic servant.

What a cunt.

Do you reply to him? I'd turn my phone off.

Please say you haven’t ever actually gone home because of this? If I was your friend and you did, I would be really hesitant to make plans with you again.

Yeah, you should listen to your friend. Is he always a selfish bastard?

Why does he do it?? I now feel shit and feel compelled to go home.

You asked and answered your own question, and now you’re spending your time out with friends posting on Mumsnet.

Try replying “thanks a fucking lot for spoiling my time out you selfish cunt”.

Ok as a mother I have sent these jokey messages when he is out like (just checked)
Your children are being little shits or
They are currently being loopy having a disco in the kitchen I may have to get the Calpol out for bedtime.
I hope your enjoying yourself cos I am cracking up etc with the appropriate emoji.
It's just a joke. Maybe he's not abusive just joking but you know your relationship best.

Text welcome to parenthood, see you later.

compelled to go home.

Umm, don't do that. Really. Just don't.

DO NOT GO HOME. Get on with your evening and have some well chosen words with him tomorrow.

For now, I'd ignore the message. Or just a breezy one back to say something like "Oh dear, now you know what I have to go through every, single day. I'm sure you'll work something out, just as I do."

My DH never did this with any of our three when they were small.

No. Mine doesn’t bother me at all when I’m out, unless I text to say how are the kids I don’t hear from him. I’ll sometimes get home and I’ll get the whole tragic tale of how they ran him ragged 😂 but he won’t interrupt my time to myself unless it’s an emergency.

You have a serious talk with him when you get home. The fact that they play up for him, shows they are a bit uncomfortable with the situation. The only way to improve this, is by everyone getting used to it more often, so they don't even register which parent is in charge. So you'll be going out every weekend until its become normalised