DH ‘quick drink’ after work

[Conversat1onswithfriends]

Would this annoy you? DH goes for a ‘quick drink’ after work meaning he doesn’t get home until gone 9pm. We have a newborn and a toddler and the days at home are so long I’m not sure if this is making me irrationally angry when I see his text! It’s once every couple of weeks but really messes up dinner plans etc too.

That doesn't sound like a 'quick drink' to me.

What time does he leave work and how long is his journey?
Tbh if I had a newborn and a toddler it think any sort of drink after work was a bit unreasonable unless I was getting some social time off too.

I wouldn’t begrudge this once every couple of weeks.

Plate it for him🤷‍♀️ Or have a couple of ready meals in the freezer for you

That's an evening out. Not a quick drink. But once every few weeks is alright.

Are you getting done time out too?

Meh, if its once every couple of weeks I don't think its a huge deal. Careers are for the long run and children grow up fast.

Can you do the same? Do you?

It’s only once every couple of weeks….. maybe you could also take a couple of hours off every couple of weeks… go for a massage , lunch with a friend. I’d be making the most of this opportunity! Exploit it

Just put his dinner aside and make sure you get time out while he looks after the children.

Is that every night? It would piss me off if so- cooking/ cleaning up/ bath time /bedtime for a newborn and a toddler is hard work.

Every couple of weeks, with notice, fine.

Sorry, your message did say. Even so, with no notice it’s pretty disrespectful.

I think resentment can build if you’re not getting the same amount of downtime too. Make sure you’re getting out for a few hours whether that’s a walk by yourself, a nail appt or something just to feel nice.

No I don’t get time out unless it’s a very odd occasion that DH watches the kids whilst I go to the supermarket. His commute is an hour after finish time of 7pm becomes 8pm ish then add the commute.

Once every 2/3 weeks? Let it go OP.

You don’t have to wait up for him or delay dinner. If he misses it, he misses it. He can make his own.
You’re giving yourself grief over this when you don’t need to. Just make sure you get time for yourself so that you don’t resent the time your DH has

Does he usually cook for you? I would have an emergency freezer meal I could heat up if I know this will happen every couple of weeks as I would also be starving by 9pm and feeding a newborn.

If you wanted it, would you?

Time to ask and get.

I think it’s the lack of notice that’s annoying as I’m counting down the hours until I can have some help! He’ll usually text right as he would normally be leaving. I get it’s spontaneous but it ruins my evening routine!

Can you meet a friend for a drink? Go to the cinema? Book club? Find an activity you enjoy and have some time off.

No that's shitty.

Tbh when I’ve got my hair done or met up with friends I’ve taken the newborn with me and the toddler either comes or my parents watch her.

Would annoy me too ! Especially as you have no time and need some help.
It can also build resentment over their flexibility to just go to the pub when you're stuck inside with no adult conversation and lack of support. I think I'd address this with him. Plus please make time for yourself. I didn't, I felt guilty like I was doing something wrong.

I mean this gently, but I can't imagine living such a life where I couldn't come home at 9pm (although i don't finish work until about 6pm or 7pm most days) and have a different routine or 'dinner plan' once every couple of weeks. That sounds very regimented. However, he should let you know well in advance and not come home drunk

No I don’t get time out unless it’s a very odd occasion that DH watches the kids whilst I go to the supermarket.

That's not remotely 'time out' comparable with going for a drink. And does your DH do anything apart from 'watch the kids' while you're out ?

@LittleLeggs i wouldn’t mind so much if I knew in advance as I could plan for it eg buy ready meals etc. I’ve actually prepared a dinner that will mostly go in the bin now as it’s too big for 1 person and won’t keep.

Why don’t you get time out too?

Why aren’t you asserting yourself and saying “I’m off out, I’ll see you in a few hours”?

I mean this gently, but I can't imagine living such a life where I couldn't come home at 9pm (although i don't finish work until about 6pm or 7pm most days) and have a different routine or 'dinner plan' once every couple of weeks.

Really? Then your mind must be really blown by the OPs life where her 'time out' is a supermarket shop.