DH ‘quick drink’ after work

[Conversat1onswithfriends]

Would this annoy you? DH goes for a ‘quick drink’ after work meaning he doesn’t get home until gone 9pm. We have a newborn and a toddler and the days at home are so long I’m not sure if this is making me irrationally angry when I see his text! It’s once every couple of weeks but really messes up dinner plans etc too.

I doubt he needs to be bulllied into going for a drink. He's hanging around for two hours every evening after he finishes work, avoiding going home.

I think to stay out an hour longer once a fortnight is fine, I’d really not fuss over dinner, just eat mine when I wished and leave his on the side or he can make his own,

Such a good post!

I don’t see how anyone could not agree with this

YES!!!!

god some of the replies here are seriously depressing. When i had a baby and toddler - it was all hands on fucking deck - it was not 'think im gonna slope off for some beers and come back at 1am with zero notice to my exhausted post natally knackered wife'

yes - having children changes your life - no - you can't just hang out randomly for beers when you fancy it. get over it.

My husband would literally never have done this - and he had plenty of social time - he just arranged it around what worked for us as a family and didnt' behave like a massive cunt leaving me exhausted at home.

It's about him being able to just decide what he wants to do and when and you not having the same freedom. I had this with my DH when he would work later, or pop out somewhere instead of coming straight home. When I complained that I might just want to do that, he said I only had to ask/tell him and he would be home for the kids. He didn't get that this was entirely the point I was making,. I had to ask for freedom and he just had it. The default should be him coming home and helping with the DC etc.

During the new born stage, yes! This would annoy me. I remember my first , literally counting down the minute til my husband got home. If he was due home at 5:15 and came home at 5:30 I'd be annoyed. 😂 I've 2 kids now and these things doesn't matter so much cause they are so much easier. I hated maternity leave. The days were very long. Definitely take time out for yourself. It's only fair.

Also with the dinner thing

I’ve started eating with 3 year old at 5

then when my husband gets in he can sort something for himself

it’s just easier this way I can hand him the baby while he sorts his dinner and I can start bath and bed with toddler

hoping we go back to eating together some time but for now this is better

Uh huh. Me and DH both ‘suffered’ (if you want to call it that). But it made us super close, and now my kids are older all I remember is how wonderful he was to us and how much he cared for my wellbeing. His bond with the kids is also top tier and our marriage hasn’t ever suffered the ‘having kids rough patch’ beyond the usual being very tired and quality time reduced.

It’s not about dinner. It’s about her DH not respecting his wife’s lack of freedom.

He is not ‘pre-babies’. Why on earth is he prioritising his colleagues choosing their finishing time ahead of you and your kids.

Op has a voice I stead of moaning arrange some free time for herself.I had to go back to work when the youngest was 4 months as needed to pay the mortgage.

It’s two gours a month.

He's one of those.
AKA a selfish twat.
Days with very small children are very long.
Good men get that and wouldn't dream of doing it.
Stop bringing children with you when out.
He needs a couple of full days on his own with HIS children.
Stop enabling him to be a selfish twat.

He sounds very selfish.

If it was every night, I could see it would be a problem, but I'm sorry, every couple of weeks seems fair to me! So long as you're having the same amount of your time to yourself, then it's fine. If not, then you also need to organise time to yourself too.

Change the locks and throw his stuff out into the street and get a shit hot lawyer and take him to the cleaners...............am I doing this right?

Drinks for a few hours every couple of weeks sounds absolutely fine to me. But I think giving you some notice (and not just letting you know last minute) is reasonable. He’s assuming that you won’t have made any plans for yourself - why are you the default parent? Remember that you are still a person in your own right. Start making your own plans for a few hours every couple of weeks too.

OP did you have a conversation with him after the advice on this post? How did he receive it?

If you were childless or had children over 10 this is ok but under especially toddlers I would be annoyed too

Same situ and it drives me insane. It’s to ‘just a quick one’ that never is… I’d rather know he’s out. I’d never do that! I always give a realistic return time. Also missing bed and bath is annoying, so you might as well stay out then!

Doing this with lack of notice is just cheeky and inconsiderate of him No thought for how hard your day at home has been. I'd be having serious words if my husband did this.

Im shocked at a lot of the responses, you aren't against him going for drinks but get annoyed at the lack of notice, I can't see an issue with that. Life does change when you have children and parents all have to make compromises. The fact he doesn't see a problem with this just shows he doesn't grasp how tiring it can be looking after 2 young children. People saying it's controlling to be upset by this is wild.

OP he can’t even look after his two children while you get your hair cut. But you’re expected to manage all day with the pair of them every day and even later while he goes for spontaneous drinks.

fuck. That.

how would he feel if he were in your shoes? He has no idea because be never is in your shoes, childcare wise, so he’s no idea how hard it is.