DH ‘quick drink’ after work

[Conversat1onswithfriends]

Would this annoy you? DH goes for a ‘quick drink’ after work meaning he doesn’t get home until gone 9pm. We have a newborn and a toddler and the days at home are so long I’m not sure if this is making me irrationally angry when I see his text! It’s once every couple of weeks but really messes up dinner plans etc too.

I do feel for you because it can feel frustrating. However I think I would evaluate what is the issue that matters more to you here. If it is that you feel youre not getting enough support in general and don't get any time for yourself, I would raise that with him. If that's the case, it's not really about the work drinks and reducing it to an argument over that makes it sound more petty and hides the real problem you want to address
If that's not the case, and is very supportive the rest of the time and you get your downtime too, I would say is it really worth arguing about and building resentment over?

Either way, I wouldn't be making work drinks and 1 dinner portion into a big argument, even though it feels frustrating at the time. If there is a wider discussion to have though, have it. And when you're calm and not upset over dinner

@SwordToFlamethrower

no you don’t have to either be at work and or be at home when you’re a mother or a father. It’s important to keep up some time for your self - time to dedicate to your career, to socialising etc

Still edible, may be flat as a pancake but not inedible. It is a home not a high end restaurant.

Love the idea of a soufflé being whipped up on a Wednesday night with OP’s two babies hanging off her!

No notice is completely unnecessary and unacceptable.

This.

With a new born and a toddler I’d be peeved at this tbh.

@Conniebygaslight

why?

MN really baffles me sometimes!
Absolutely no one in my real life of friends would think this is ok when your partner is at home all day, every day, with a toddler and a new born!
Some people are either talking utter bullshit for the sake of it, or they've set their bar way too low

He comes home an hour late once every few weeks and you find that completely unacceptable do you?

He comes home an hour late once every few weeks and you find that completely unacceptable do you?

Yes, yes I do. THEY have a toddler and a newborn and the woman doesn't get a break. So yeah, I do find that unacceptable. Maybe your bar is lower than mine.

He comes home an hour late once every few weeks and you find that completely unacceptable do you?

Without notice, with complete disregard for dinner preparations, without giving her similar social breaks? You find that acceptable?

So you cannot go out at all, not even for an hour when you have young children? If the OP met a friend for coffee, went swimming, met friends for a drink, her husband 's bar would be too low and he shouldn't accept that?

As he doesn't finish until late anyway I'm going with unreasonable for the fact he isn't giving you any notice , been there, done that. The relationship didn't last

The fact that he gets in so late anyway is an issue, it's not like every few weeks he's home at 9 when the rest of the time he's in much earlier. His always home really late, when you have atodfler and baby to deal with during the wishing hour , more like 4-bed than an hour and you are dealing with it all week on your own even an extra hour or so occasionally with no notice can feel like shit

Having talked it out here I think it is the lack of notice that annoys me - he does overnight trips and they’re not so bad because I can plan in advance to make life easier - I feel like it disregards my feelings eg what if we’re having a really bad day?

I wouldn’t mind now and then as long as 1) I also got breaks like this and 2) he was open from the beginning about how long he’ll be. Saying “quick drink” and then dragging it out for hours while you’re waiting around for him isn’t cool.

It would upset me as well - I know perfectly well how it is to be home alone with a toddler and a newborn all day. The OH getting home is such a relief. I also know how it feels to get no downtime yourself. Once every two weeks sounds quite a lot to me at that stage.

I'd be annoyed at the lack of notice as well OP. It sounds like you're on your own with 2 young children for the majority of the day when he's working which is hard work, him texting at the time he's usually setting off for home to say he's heading out is disrespectful and I don't know any men who would do that, or women who would be fine with that. When you're a parent you have to make compromises, your issue isn't with him going to the pub but with not giving notice so he can still have a social life. I know after work drinks can be spontaneous but he should be thinking of you as well.

I do agree with others though that having time for you is also important, make sure at weekends or whenever you go out.

I'd also be jealous of his casual freedom. So I sympathise.

Out of curiosity, what have you cooked that won’t keep?

If you said, "we've had a really bad day, could you come home?" Would he?

I was wondering. I came up with spaghetti carbonara, risotto, soufflé, and a few others.

This. And in turn I would expect an evening off to see my friends every couple of weeks. That’s not unreasonable and neither I nor DH would get sulky about it.
At least he is being honest and not telling you he is working late to stop you nagging him.

Totally agree with this!

When is OP getting her time out (unencumbered by kids)?