DH ‘quick drink’ after work

[Conversat1onswithfriends]

Would this annoy you? DH goes for a ‘quick drink’ after work meaning he doesn’t get home until gone 9pm. We have a newborn and a toddler and the days at home are so long I’m not sure if this is making me irrationally angry when I see his text! It’s once every couple of weeks but really messes up dinner plans etc too.

Sounds like you need to plan some time away from home yourself! Perfectly reasonable to go out every couple of weeks- but you need to do the same!!

I'd reheat all of these. No harm done.

That’s fair enough OP.
It’s not that you have an issue with him doing anything, but by him staying late it means you are working late. He has to understand that he can’t be as impulsive now he has a family, giving you an hours notice isn’t reasonable.

And he needs to extend the same courtesy to you and you need to be able to have some
time for yourself. If you want your hair done your DH needs to have the kids, not your mum! They’re his kids.

Reheated carbonara @MangoMadness999?

<faints>

@Conversat1onswithfriends

why are you taking your kids to the hairdressers?! STOP!! Leave them at home with your husband so you can enjoy getting pampered - you deserve it!!

I thought you were going to say your husband stopped off for a drink every night, not once a fortnight! I think you're being very unreasonable, particularly if he doesn't finish work until 7 and then has an hour's journey. 9 isn't exactly late, so there's still plenty of the evening left to eat together when he gets in.

Nope I'd be fuming 😡

It would be the spontaneity that bothered me, rather than the drink itself. We've also got a newborn and DH is going to the cinema with a mate tomorrow night, but I've known about it for a week and he asked if I minded rather than informed me that it would be happening.

Next week I'm going for a couple of drinks with colleagues; again DH has fair warning and will be left with a fridge full of expressed milk.

With young and therefore very dependent DC I think spontaneity needs to be forgotten for a while, unless everyone is on the same page with it.

The fact you don’t get the same time as in him is your problem. It’s a case of telling him, not asking. Does he ask you if he can go for a drink? No he tells you. Just do the same!

Do you also get an evening out drinking every fortnight? If not of course you're not being unreasonable.

@Growlybear83 9 does feel late when you’re up at 5am 😅 I agree in a past life I wouldn’t have been bothered about eating this late

Fair enough if it's the lack of notice. Ask him can he at least let you know earlier in the day if he's thinking he'll go for a pint. At the very least let you know as early as possible, not last minute.

Also get yourself out every so often. I have a toddler and I'm due baby no 2 soon I'll take a few months off but plan to go back to my hobby after maybe 3/4 months. It's only once a week for 3 hours so not too long but will be good for me

Also let him reheat his dinner, even if it isn't something that reheats well

You are being massively unreasonable. You’ll realise this when your children are older

Stop cooking for the twat. He can make his own tea.

You’re in weird young children land. This will wear off

No, it won’t wear off if her DH continues to do whatever he wants and doesn’t step up and afford OP any free time other own.
If anything it will be 10 times worse 10 years down the line if it isn’t nipped in the bud now.

I don’t think he’s unreasonable BUT I remember the early days when you are so desperate for even 5 mins to yourself that you’re counting down the minutes until your partner gets home.

Hes not unreasonable to have a drink after work but two things
-he should give you some notice, earlier in the day at minimum
-you need to be given some time too and taking baby to supermarket isn’t time off. You also need to be able to get out for an hour, if you don’t want to do weeknights then make it at the weekend. Get up Saturday morning and go for a swim, a walk, for a coffee, mooch around nice shops or just sit in your car scrolling your phone eating choc. It doesn’t matter what, but have some down time.

So he's normally home after 8 and once very few weeks he's an hour later and this is a drama?
Dinner plans? he can bung something in the microwave, is this how marriages are now? micromanaged? nothing spontaneous? unless 2 weeks written notice given?

Mumsnet boggles my mind. Is an adult really not allowed to stay out for drinks until nine?

Can you have an open and honest discussion about it and ask him to give you more notice?

When they are putting childcare solely onto the other person it involves them both and both should be included in the decision rather than one partner unilaterally deciding the last minute.
It’s nothing to do with him being an adult and everything to do with him being a father. He should have respect for the person caring for his young children.

So he’s an hour later one day every 2 weeks? I can’t see the issue. I don’t understand why you would start cooking something that can’t be reheated without confirming he’s on the train/in the car - what if it was a regular day and there were delays?

He’s an adult and can sort himself out for dinner.

I think the reason I don’t get it is that my husband and I are equal regarding childcare and time away. Maybe it’s just the resentment that you don’t get an hour off is clouding your vision. I think you need to have a chat and divide things up more equally.

Yup that would really piss me off. You've been up since 5am, looking forward to sharing the load, started prepping dinner, and then suddenly you're doing an extra 2 hour shift solo. If I knew it was going to be me on my own I'd have probably planned something easier for dinner etc

If you've spoken to him about how it makes you feel and how you'd appreciate some notice and he hasn't changed, I think the only thing you can do is the same back. Pop out and then find something to do with no notice at bedtime. Bump into a friend at the shops and end up staying for coffee etc .

Should have said, I am not amazing at dealing wirh last minute changes of plan in general, it stresses me out a bit, which might also be a reason I wouldn't be impressed