DH ‘quick drink’ after work

[Conversat1onswithfriends]

Would this annoy you? DH goes for a ‘quick drink’ after work meaning he doesn’t get home until gone 9pm. We have a newborn and a toddler and the days at home are so long I’m not sure if this is making me irrationally angry when I see his text! It’s once every couple of weeks but really messes up dinner plans etc too.

I think I would feel the same tbh. It doesn't sound like much , once every 2 wks, but I get where u are coming from. They (men) dont see it this way I dont think!! Much love

I wouldn’t mind as long as I was getting some time too.

That his wife is never afforded, let alone at no notice. Get it?

So Op is ‘working’ 5am-8/9pm everyday. In that she can’t just decide spontaneously to go out for a drink childfree in that time without pre planning. And she has child with her 24/7

Op husband gets 2hr quite commute. Child free, to just listen to audio book or something. Then finishes work at 5pm. But instead of going home for 6pm to help 6-8/9pm with two children, dinner prep, company, he decides to hang around 2 hrs longer every day for free until 7pm. Then either gets home at 8pm once op has already fed kids, cooked, bathed, started bedtimes alone etc. or decides at 7pm after 2 hrs hanging around not being paid to go for a drink an hour.

This. The people who jump in saying it’s absolutely fine and they would never have an issue with it are talking out of their arses.
They either never had to do it, or are like 30 years past having young kids and have no realistic concept of the reality of it anymore. Regularly dumping additional work on OP with no warning, no conversation and no concern as to how her day has gone and whether she needs a break or not.
Also conveniently missing dinner, bath and bedtime probably so he can say ‘what’s the big deal it was only an hour?’ knowing full well he has left all the jobs for the day on OP.

Can you do the same some day?

Not a quick drink, and he should be opting out entirely when you have a newborn, especially with a toddler in the mix too. You'll still be recovering from the birth.

So he has literally one hour off once every couple of weeks? YABVU

Once every two weeks he’s an hour late home and it would be a dealbreaker? Seriously? Either it can’t be that strong a relationship or you’re incredibly controlling. Or you actually wouldn’t end it fir this reason in reality.

You missed the bit about him hanging around at work for 2 hours every night to avoid going home

You say finnish time usually is 7 p.m. and with an after-work drink one hour later. I think one hour every few weeks is very reasonable imho. I do know that 9 p.m. is late in a family with young children, but it's not as if he's spending that many hours with his friends? I think I would let it go OP.

He sounds selfish and entitled - hope you can sort it

With a newborn it’s totally out of order to leave you home alone all day while at work and then stay out til 9 regularly. Once the baby is a bit bigger and you’re less exhausted it would be fine but not with a newborn.

What dinner can’t keep up the next day? Or heated up for lunch?

Forget the drinks, it sounds like he does literally no childcare? That's a huge problem.

We had a rule that DH needed to be back home by 7 if he wanted dinner -as that was the latest I would start cooking. Later than that - sort yourself.

Why can't he look after his own children while you go for your quick drink every couple of weeks?

He’s irresponsible and taking the piss. Also uncaring and a poor father.

With such young DC it's all hands on deck with no time off for a long time. You need his support bringing up your DC.

I have adult children who live at home, and often they don't get home by mealtime. Their meal gets plated or boxed and left on the side and then goes in the fridge, so they can have it the next day or take to work for lunch, or it goes in the freezer. I can't imagine very many meals that have to go in the bin because they won't last a few hours in the fridge.

If he can finish at 5pm, he should be doing this several times a week to make sure he’s home to give you a break. He can go into work earlier.

Agree he needs to give you notice

you should also get time off - either an evening out from 6pm when he’s home or at the weekend. I think it’s important for you to not only get a break but for him to slog through the bedtime
routine regularly alone so he realises what you do in his absence

Now you have kids it is totally unacceptable to not attempt to leave by 5pm every day. So what if you used to do the same? Life has changed and he does not have the luxury of time to waste.
This is probably why you feel resentful that he’s taking yet another hour away from the family for himself.

I thought you meant every night! Once every few weeks isn't a lot to ask. Tinfoil or freeze his dinner. Maybe he could let you know before you cook dinner?

Thought you were gonna save every night. I'd leave him too it every fortnight or compromise and say you'd like him back for 8 and to cook for you both, x

Why doesn't he watch the toddler when you go for your hair doing ? If this is a drip feed and he's just generally useless 24/7 then you may have more of a point