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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have expected dinner?

221 replies

MagnusCanis · 23/07/2024 21:58

DP and I live together and share cooking. Tonight was one of DP's normal nights to cook dinner.

I found out this morning, literally just as I was about to leave the house, that the three-day 100-mile-each-way work trip I was departing for was now just the one day so I would unexpectedly be back home this evening. I told DP this immediately.

Got home (three hours later than a normal office day) to find that DP had made and eaten her own dinner, but had left me to fend for myself and could not even offer a reason why. I have made my displeasure at this situation clear and DP has gone to bed in a huff.

OP posts:
MissingKitty · 23/07/2024 22:01

Presumably they had planned their dinner for one so just carried on with it. I can’t see the big deal for one night.

Cinocino · 23/07/2024 22:03

If someone was home 3 hours later than normal I would assume they were going to sort themselves out.
I wouldn’t be happy at being made to justify myself became I made dinner when I was hungry and alone.

Fiery30 · 23/07/2024 22:03

I would be angry too if there was no dinner for me when I came home.

Dotto · 23/07/2024 22:03

Did they know when you were coming home? Did they assume you'd eat on the way home?

Otherwise seems a little thoughtless, yes. Though it wouldn't be a big deal here and I certainly wouldn't piss someone off giving out to them. I'd just make my own tea.

frankincenseandoranges · 23/07/2024 22:03

She was probably looking forward to having her favourite meal all on her own!

ToxicChristmas · 23/07/2024 22:04

I couldn't get worked over that personally. Can you not just bung something in the microwave?

TomatoSandwiches · 23/07/2024 22:04

YABU to expect it after being 3hrs late.

I would be an adult and make myself something to eat.

JumpstartMondays · 23/07/2024 22:04

Cinocino · 23/07/2024 22:03

If someone was home 3 hours later than normal I would assume they were going to sort themselves out.
I wouldn’t be happy at being made to justify myself became I made dinner when I was hungry and alone.

This.

Couldn't you reheat something from your freezer? Literally takes minutes.

thursdaymurderclub · 23/07/2024 22:04

Oh dear...

Edingril · 23/07/2024 22:04

Well I presume this could have been sorted beforehand with communication?

NewspaperChips · 23/07/2024 22:05

If I was the one cooking, I’d text to ask if they wanted anything getting for them. If I was the one at work, I’d text saying I’d sort myself out (although they’d probably offer at that point). YABU if you didn’t communicate and expected them to read your mind.

Moveoverdarlin · 23/07/2024 22:05

Fend for yourself? Are in you in the Australian outback? Or the Himalayas?

Round us we have these wonderful places called Tesco, Waitrose, M&S, Sainsbury’s. Not that I could be arsed to do that. I’d nip straight back out and get a take-away and devour it after a long day.

Octavia64 · 23/07/2024 22:05

Less than one day's notice nay not be enough to do additional shopping and change the plans.

The fact that you were there hours later than normal also means they if your partners had waited for you she'd probably given up.

NoSnowdrop · 23/07/2024 22:06

If your DP knew you were coming home why didn’t you both discuss what you were having for dinner and when? Particularly if you both knew you’d arrive back 3 hours later than usual.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 23/07/2024 22:08

I think it depends what time you got home? If it was 8pm and you normally eat at 7.30 then yes, DP unreasonable.

If it was 9.30pm I'd have expected you to stop somewhere on the way for food.

Did DP know when you were expecting to be home or just that you'd be doing the 100mile trip back today instead of 2 days time?

EMUKE · 23/07/2024 22:09

I don’t feel dinner is the issue here, it’s the communication. I appreciate your thought process was you would get dinner however during the realisation of the trip being changed to 1 day surly you would of mentioned when you would now be home and “what’s for dinner?” I would also talk to your partner and just explain that going forward to save a row communication is key. Both sides.

Original poster
MagnusCanis · 23/07/2024 22:09

Dotto · 23/07/2024 22:03

Did they know when you were coming home? Did they assume you'd eat on the way home?

Otherwise seems a little thoughtless, yes. Though it wouldn't be a big deal here and I certainly wouldn't piss someone off giving out to them. I'd just make my own tea.

It isn't unusual for me to be late back after a site visit. If it happens on her night to cook she'll leave mine in the microwave for me to reheat when I'm back. Could so easily have done this today.

In the reverse situation I would be cooking for two.

OP posts:
Original poster
MagnusCanis · 23/07/2024 22:10

Octavia64 · 23/07/2024 22:05

Less than one day's notice nay not be enough to do additional shopping and change the plans.

The fact that you were there hours later than normal also means they if your partners had waited for you she'd probably given up.

She literally drives past a vast supermarket on her way home.

OP posts:
Tukmgru · 23/07/2024 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NoSnowdrop · 23/07/2024 22:12

What did she have for dinner?

Blisterly · 23/07/2024 22:13

Was there nothing in the cupboards? I take it you don’t live in a deliveroo area?

skyandocean · 23/07/2024 22:15

You made a big mistake op, you mentioned 'her', would love to have seen which way this would've gone had everyone assumed u were the woman.

I don't know what type of meal she had, but we tend to make meals where it's more than one portion so there would always be plenty left over taht could be reheated. Unless she assumed you'll eat out, it is mean to drive all the way back to no food

itsmylife7 · 23/07/2024 22:15

NoSnowdrop · 23/07/2024 22:12

What did she have for dinner?

yes what did she make ?

Original poster
MagnusCanis · 23/07/2024 22:15

NoSnowdrop · 23/07/2024 22:12

What did she have for dinner?

Does it matter?

OP posts:
IdLikeToBeAFraser · 23/07/2024 22:16

In a situation like this I woukd ask dh if he's picking up dinner on way home or wants me.to leave him something. So I dont think you are unreasonable.

Although , "I have expressed my displeasure" does make you sound like younhave form.for expecting her to bow to your demands..could just be poor wording though.