AIBU to have expected dinner?

[MagnusCanis]

DP and I live together and share cooking. Tonight was one of DP's normal nights to cook dinner.

I found out this morning, literally just as I was about to leave the house, that the three-day 100-mile-each-way work trip I was departing for was now just the one day so I would unexpectedly be back home this evening. I told DP this immediately.

Got home (three hours later than a normal office day) to find that DP had made and eaten her own dinner, but had left me to fend for myself and could not even offer a reason why. I have made my displeasure at this situation clear and DP has gone to bed in a huff.

I don’t think yabu. If that is the routine you both have, that is the routine.

However, I wouldn’t have an argument over it since it was a one-off. I would just make something for myself or order something and unwind.

To me, that morning is too late. I would already have sorted my food, and it would probably be a salad, sandwich or some cereal. Ibwould mind cooking when I was having a night off. Actually, I would be disappointed about not having a night to myself.

Whenever I know my husband is going to be away, those are the nights I make my filthy food that I absolutely would not serve to another human being but that I absolutely love. Maybe she's like me and was so looking forward to her evil dinner that she just went with it anyway and assumed you'd grab a takeaway on the way home or make a sandwich when you got in?

Whatever the case this is a ridiculous thing to fall out about, it's just a failure in communication, no war crimes have been committed. Both of you just do better at communicating around meals in future, hurrah, problem solved.

Assumptions, failure to communicate, then sulking and huffing both sides. Grow up. Make your own dinner if your partner hasn't, for whatever reason.

Very little here by way of answers from OP. shocker…

Why do you say OP "fucked up" the schedule? It's just as likely that the schedule change was outside OP's control.

I also think OP's being unreasonable, but there's no need to make stuff up!

I have made my displeasure at this situation clear sounds as if you see her as an incompetent servant.

If I were your partner and knew you’d be home that evening, I would’ve made dinner and then been furious that you were three hours late and dinner was ruined.

Two can play this game.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” - George Bernard Shaw

True!

YABU you didn’t give her much notice and for you all know she could’ve got something out to defrost for her tea the night before and there was only enough there for her. What’s wrong with you making your own tea without throwing a temper tantrum like a child.

'She literally drives past a vast supermarket on her way home.'

If you've just driven home for three hours, you will have passed a supermarket too. Plus dozens of other food outlets, so that's irrelevant.

Are you really saying that in your kitchen you don't have bread and eggs, cheese and a few tomatoes? No emergency pizza in the freezer? You need to be more organised.

I'm a single mum, I cook supper regardless of what time we get home or what else is going on, and I've never had the slightest problem turning out a quick omelette and chips, or pizza and salad. I only shop once a week, and can usually feed us within about 15 minutes.

I accept that you were tired but you sound hopeless. It's certainly not worth falling out over.

Look. Now you've made someone say Picky Tea, ffs 😂

Relationships like this sound so brittle and claustrophobic, with the 'trading' nights to cook, and all this upset over one meal. It would be SO normal to maybe feel a bit miffed, then make something to eat and get over it.

Maybe your partner just fancied her own thing, maybe it was a bit off, but in the context of a functional, caring, loving partnership, it really is nothing.

YABU. You don't even know what she had for dinner. My husband was home at 10pm today. I ate a sandwich when I was hungry and he got himself a pizza on the way home. I wasn't going to make an extra sandwich for him to get sad in the fridge. Or pre pour him a bowl of cereal, which I have some nights he's going to be late, to get soggy. Even if she had cooked something it might have been something only she likes or she just didn't have enough to make it for 2.

If you told her you were coming home it's rude and I would be upset as well

I’m so glad I’ve got a touch of insomnia tonight so I’ve wasted 10 mins of my life reading this whole thread🥱

FFS, there’s bigger stuff in life to worry about. Can’t believe OP started this post tbh. Late home, no dinner = cheese on toast or similar quick cupboard dinner.
hopefully you & DP can sort out your communication issues….

This is such an overreaction from you. Sometimes it's nice not to have to cook for 2 and maybe she fancied something you don't like

Either way, have some toast and eggs or order UberEats and chill out.

It's not like she does this regularly.

I'd be pissed off if I didn't get home until 9:30 after travelling 100 miles and I found out DH had eaten but not left something for me to heat up.
Yes I could go back out and get a takeaway or something from the supermarket but I'd be bloody exhausted by that point.
YANBU but you're a bloke on MN so most people were bound to say YABU. It would be different if you were a woman.

Get a grip

Yeah exactly. Dinner at 7:30 and 10:30 are pretty different. If home at normal time I'd understand it more

Maybe you should have said, can you save me some dinner when you told her this morning- she's not a mind reader

Such a drama over nothing. I would have made myself some beans on toast if hungry 🤷‍♀️

I think you are a bit uptight about cooking and meals. Who has a rota for cooking and swapping nights???

If that was me I'd a) have bottom something myself m way home as it's late and b) assumed the other person would unless they'd specifically said "I'll be home tonight or can you cook for us both and leave me something to heat up".

It's really not worth falling out over.

What if she had cereal? How could she leave something for him to heat up?