AIBU to have expected dinner?

[MagnusCanis]

DP and I live together and share cooking. Tonight was one of DP's normal nights to cook dinner.

I found out this morning, literally just as I was about to leave the house, that the three-day 100-mile-each-way work trip I was departing for was now just the one day so I would unexpectedly be back home this evening. I told DP this immediately.

Got home (three hours later than a normal office day) to find that DP had made and eaten her own dinner, but had left me to fend for myself and could not even offer a reason why. I have made my displeasure at this situation clear and DP has gone to bed in a huff.

Lots of people on here are missing the point!!!!! It is so demeaning to be treated like a glorified housekeeper. Like : Oh honey will you ask the maid to prepare my evening meal a little later tonight as I will be home at X oclock.Oh sorry I forgot You are the kitchen maid...... If your partner regularly cooks you hot meals; its A BONUS!!!!! Not a privilege.!!!!!!!! Im sure theres plenty of bread and cheese available.

So you live near a supermarket and could have picked something up for yourself.

You didn't ask her politely to make you dinner, she's not your PA or your servant. She forgot about you because she was busy and it wasn't her usual night to cook tea.

So. Fucking. What?

"What no dinner for me then?" is a reasonably hangry response. Whining about it online and "making my displeasure clear at this situation" to the point that she took herself off to bed makes you sound like an absolute nightmare to live with.

I always find it best to communicate with my husband.

When will you be home.
Do you want me to leave something for uou or will you stop off to eat on the way?

It works for us.

Jesus fucking christ. Are you always such a baby? Was putting your energy into "expressing your displeasure" really a better option than just making beans on toast or something?

You'd made plans and you changed them last minute. You can't expect other people to just change whatever they've planned for themselves to suit you.

Hey babe - work plans changed, any chance you can leave me leftovers as you're cooking anyways?

Win.

You lost us all at the point you *voiced your displeasure".

It doesnt matter what you think you might have done had the situation been reversed, fact is you didnt tell her you wanted food. She didnt know you wanted food.

A big boy would have texted when leaving the office *on my way, any chance of leftoevers? No worries if not I'll grab something on the way home"

I'd assume my DP would have had KFC in a service station in the same circs

I just feel so sorry for the OPs partner who thought this smug git / whining man baby was going to be away for three days only to cancel on the day.

It sounds like a fairy basic miscommunication. Honestly, if you are asking the internet about this I would, kindly as possible, suggest you find a counsellor to work out how you show up in relationships because if you're asking the internet about this I'm not sure how it resolves itself?

I couldn’t get worked up about this. I do know a couple who seem to argue about dinner a lot and it baffles me. So much of these misunderstandings could be sorted out through simple communication. You know like “oh look, I will be home after all tonight. Probably quite late though. I might not have time to grab anything for dinner. Is that OK?”
So many arguments caused by one partner not communicating their wish/intention and then being annoyed when the other one hasn’t intuited what they wanted to happen.

This all sounds far too transactional! Marriage isn’t about trading jobs. This sounds ridiculous to me. Though I suppose we must all manage in ways that suit us as couples, although your “displeasure” suggests the status quo isn’t working perhaps…..

Communications seems to be the problem here!

in my house it would go
planshave changed I’ll be home tonight instead
what time?
about 8pm
what do you want to do about dinner?
insert relevant conversation here and if he didn’t ask I would say it 🤣

Is something wrong with your hands? I think you can be responsible for cooking for yourself. You were 3 hours later than normal. Why should she cook for you if you are eating at vastly different times?

She could be a woman too! That’s what I was assuming anyway, any man would’ve just stopped on the motorway for a Ginsters and a Mars Bar.

You were unreasonable. Eat on the road back if you’re so late - or bother to actually call and ask about tea and his day when he would be making it rather than Astound the Kitchen with your Presence and throw a hissy fit about there not being a hot telepathy meal ready laid on. You owe them an apology and a pack of beers/bottle of wine. You sound unpleasantly narcissistic.

We’re all glad you’re single.

People are obsessed with food! Why not make egg on toast? It’s just one night!

Why are you so annoyed by one missed meal? It literally doesn't matter. Go to the chippy.

I think that works for most normal couples! It’s called communication, and caring!

@Jk987 , @Barney16 Thanks for the suggestions nine months after the event 🙄

Sounds like you told her you would be home not staying away.

rather then please cook tea for me

also depends what she had to eat. Things like scrambled egg isn’t going to be ok 3hrs later

equally if you were 3 hrs late than usual time /after tea I would have expected you to eat on way home /grab takeaway once home or a micro meal