AIBU to have expected dinner?

[MagnusCanis]

DP and I live together and share cooking. Tonight was one of DP's normal nights to cook dinner.

I found out this morning, literally just as I was about to leave the house, that the three-day 100-mile-each-way work trip I was departing for was now just the one day so I would unexpectedly be back home this evening. I told DP this immediately.

Got home (three hours later than a normal office day) to find that DP had made and eaten her own dinner, but had left me to fend for myself and could not even offer a reason why. I have made my displeasure at this situation clear and DP has gone to bed in a huff.

I thought they were a lesbian couple personally!

I’ve had this exact row 😂 he was home first every night, I’d get in 6.15 after a long day and commute, no dinner. I mentioned nicely a few times how nice it would be to have dinner waiting for me as he’s home first. I then lost my shit after a long day, starving, came home he had made himself a fucking feast - what did I have? Nothing! Apparently he didn’t know what to cook me. I cried 🤣 a lot! Next night he again made himself a feast and I got processed shit despite trying to eat well. I told him not to bother his arse after that. It’s the lack of thought and effort which I would make. But don’t expect of others what you’d be prepared to do for them, you’ll only end up disappointed

Perhaps she was tired and didn't want to add a shopping trip to her evening?

Maybe she assumed you would pick something up on your way home?

Maybe she just wanted to cook for herself and enjoy a quiet evening alone?

It's not really a big deal though is it really? I'm sure you can make something or order dinner yourself, she isn't your mother, you seem weirdly entitled to have her make you a meal.

If I'm late home we usually have the "are you happy to sort yourself out & I'll do mine when I get in" conversation.

Yabu to expect anyone else to feed you. As an adult you should be able to do this yourself. It would have been nice if she’d made you dinner but it shouldn’t be an expectation, especially as you were 3 hrs late.
You should have discussed dinner plans before you left or sent a message, not just assumed.

Same!

Its OPs wording and tone that makes them come across as a c you next Tuesday, not the presumption that they are male.

I would have expected you to have dinner on the road.

Surely you're able to fend for yourself for one night? It's not going to kill you, is it?

Ehh just sort yourself out? This is weird to me. You’re a grown adult- you can feed yourself without having to rely on someone else or be moody? If you were single you would sort yourself out.

Maybe she assumed you would pick something up on your way home?

This keeps coming up. Trips away that I get back late from are not unusual and I rarely do this. I tell her if I am.

OP you sound like a baby, so what if you had to make your own dinner. It's not like you had to go hunt it down. Get over yourself - why are you giving your partner a hard time over something so meaningless. Are you snuggled annoyed about something else?

So what? Why should she have to go to the supermarket on her way home from work to buy extra food for you because you were going to be 3 hours later when you could just pick something up on route?

She probably wanted to eat her cereal and wine dinner in peace rather than hear you moaning about what you’re displeased about.

I would be pretty annoyed in your place too. I can’t imagine DH not cooking or checking if I would prefer to grab something whilst travelling. It just wouldn’t occur to either of us to not check whether the other would like to be fed. If he did not cater for me and I got home very late and tired I would be getting him to order me a takeaway of my choosing tbh.

Did you say you were expecting dinner to be ready or just you would be home today? If you didn’t say you would be home for dinner or appreciate having leftovers to heat up when you got home then YABU, she’s not a mind reader.

Your plans changed at the last minute not hers.

I wouldn’t put up with your attitude

There’s no way you’re pissed off about this just because of this. What else is going on?

If this happened to me I’d think ‘oh, no dinner left?’ and then I’d be over it and just pull out something simple or have a toastie. Can’t you heat up some soup with a buttery roll, or put something in the oven? It’s just one meal.

Maybe she had planned on making something she prefers over what she'd make for the both of you?

What did she make for dinner?
I know if I'm alone for dinner my version of a meal is very much different from what my husband would eat.

JHC it’s your thread mate. Yeah it does matter since you asked.

It could’ve been that she cooked something that couldn’t have been easily portioned upwards or tasted rank if reheated or eaten much later.

A boiled egg on toast - nah
Avocado and prawn salad with a seaweed beurre blanc and micro herbs - nah
A roast chicken, veg, gravy - yeah easily

(I assumed a same sex couple too btw.)

You're an adult who can make your own dinner. So YABU.

So what does she do on the nights it’s your turn to cook but you are home really late?

You were home three hours later than normal after originally planning to be gone entirely and you didn't raise the topic of dinner directly? Yes, YABU.

You weren't home for dinner or anytime close to it. I would expect a grown adult to have sorted their dinner on the way home or asked me if I was willing to cook for both and put some in the fridge. What a silly thing to get in a strop about when you weren't willing to communicate about it earlier in the day.

If it happens on my normal night to cook we'll typically trade cooking nights.

If she normally always makes you dinner on her night to cook, even if you are going to be late back and reheat yours then I think there was probably some misunderstanding.

Are you that pathetic you need to come onto a forum and slag off your wife because you fucked up your schedule and had to make your own tea for once? Is this a reverse? ⏪

Well clearly, but if she'd done the same thing on my night too cook the first thing I'd have said would be "so you'll be wanting dinner, then".

So she’s happy to be flexible for you and is considerate. Clearly it’s not reciprocated.