AIBU to have expected dinner?

[MagnusCanis]

DP and I live together and share cooking. Tonight was one of DP's normal nights to cook dinner.

I found out this morning, literally just as I was about to leave the house, that the three-day 100-mile-each-way work trip I was departing for was now just the one day so I would unexpectedly be back home this evening. I told DP this immediately.

Got home (three hours later than a normal office day) to find that DP had made and eaten her own dinner, but had left me to fend for myself and could not even offer a reason why. I have made my displeasure at this situation clear and DP has gone to bed in a huff.

If you’re three hours late for dinner, I’d assume you’d be stopping for something on the road, or grabbing fish and chips when you got back to your area.

DH frequently does this - I’d only have something for him to reheat if he had specifically asked.

When you communicated that the trip had changed eg “bloody hell, I’m coming back tonight, that’s three hours driving” or whatever., did you also say “so please can you make me dinner as usual?”

I voted not unreasonable but on thinking about it, I guess partner had probably made a plan based on you being away and it doesn’t sound as though either of you explicitly discussed reverting to the usual schedule.

If it were me I might have planned a treat meal that you didn’t like, since you wouldn’t be there to eat it! Asparagus and avocado are things my partner doesn’t like!

But OP wasn't home for dinner, they came home three hours later when their DP was ready for bed. If my partner is going to miss dinner time by three hours I expect them to either sort themselves out or (kindly) ask ahead of time if I could sort something for the fridge.

@MagnusCanis . You haven't taken on any views other than your own. That's your prerogative. But why did you post in that case?

Ugh the idea that a grown adult gets this upset about having to fix their own dinner baffles my mind and would give me the ick. It reminds me of a tantrummy kid hungry after a long day at school.

But he said he’d be home-eventually. I’d shove a portion in the fridge unless I’d asked if he wanted something and he’d said no, he’d sort himself out. It’s just nice to ensure there’s something for your dp to eat when they come in late, no?

Sounds like a bit of miscommunication. Hardly a hanging offence.

You have nothing in the cupboard, or the freezer?

What did I make up? I asked the OP how they showed their displeasure. First line.
The OP was three hours later than usual and wanted dinner. They said so in the OP. They also said their partner went to bed in a huff. I said IF my partner shouted at me I'd have gone to bed. Which is why I asked what they meant by showing displeasure. None of that is made up.

Sure, if I was making something that they like and is easy to double portion. Pre-children, if my DH was going to be gone for dinner I often wouldn't really cook or would make something only I liked. My DH used similar occasions to eat cereal for dinner or whatnot. OP doesn't even know what their partner ate.

Regardless, it's the expectation of being catered to and anger that would be an instant turn off for me. "I'll be home tonight around bedtime but I'll miss eating with you. Are you making something for dinner you could save me some of, or shall I sort myself out?" is how I'd expect an adult partner to handle this.

Make yourself a sandwich, and stop throwing your weight around?

OP never mentioned shouting or expecting an “immediate” dinner.

OP didn’t specify what he said. I’m assuming not this as nothing was left for him. I’d hope for something to be left, my Dh wouldn’t ignore the fact that I’d be home, it”s very much ‘here if you want it, otherwise I’ll take it to work tomorrow’.

Why couldn’t you just make a quick sandwich and move on? Why does it have to become a thing?

Which is why I asked first line WHAT they meant and then said IF someone shouted me. I didn't accuse the OP of shouting. The OP may have just asked where tea was which would make storming off an overreaction.
They wanted a dinner cooked they could warm up immediately as they were presumably hungry after a busy day. Otherwise they'd just cook or make something themselves surely.

It is posts like this that just make me so so pleased to be single.

There's just none of this shit, ever.

No angst, no confusion, no bitterness, no expectations, no worries whatsoever.

Simply a thought on the way home 'I'm hungry and fancy that so that's what I'll have.'

Bliss.

I would expect DH to be hungry at tea time and eat before the journey and not 3 hours after tea time.

If they aren’t her at tea time it’s not my problem.

Maybe she's pissed off that your always late and never have time to pull your weight then show your displeasure do you do an equal share of daily household stuff not just occasional DIY?

You could have made your displeasure at this situation clearer by going out and returning with a big bar of chocolate and silently eating it in front of her without sharing. This would have served to satisfy your hunger while simultaneously administering punishment.

Make sure she finds you in the morning, asleep on the sofa with chocolate smeared all over your face so she fully understands the severity of the situation.

You poor thing!

Perhaps she had her tea because she was hungry. You arrived home 3 hours later. You are very overthinking this - just get your own tea.

Christ. Maybe she was looking forward to you being out?

I'd just have had a picky tea. I wouldn't have been angry 😞

If it was my turn to cook and the plans had changed, I’d rustle up something for two. I think she was selfish. The fact she didn’t even let you know she’d already arranged something for herself.

I would love this to be a reverse and DP was a man. The responses would be far less supportive of DP.

Fry some eggs and get over it maybe? Surely you have some quick things you can whip up.

I personally think she's been selfish. However, you have chosen her and should bear the consequences of your choice..