And their experiences are that are a trans person. They are their unique experiences and absolutely should be respected. I am a trans ally from that respect so if you asked me am I pro trans I am to that extent.
But. Being a women, for example, is more than removal of organs, make up and dress.
girla are socialised differently. No matter how much work society does to try and make things equal, women are always at a disadvantage. Girls still do less STEM subjects, they are (in general) less pushy [remember women are more likely to be bossy rather than assertive] and they go through far more changes during puberty which mean they can make radical changes about their life direction like drop out of sports [and there are have been some studies that show that women who did school sports to a high level and more like to be the women in senior leadership position]
Many girls have to battle into the workplace with heavy periods, nausea and and stomach cramps. I have terrible cramps and I have sat through work meetings almost crying because I was in such pain but women can’t complain about things like this in the office. I have been in fear of leaking my period in the office when having a heavy flow which has affected my ability work at my best.
the point being is that women are at a disadvantage to women from the moment they are born and it is a testament to our strength and resilience that we power through.
when a biological male is in the female toilets, many women feel uncomfortable . No amount of being kind, removes that natural feeling. It is self preservation. We don’t know people’s intentions and we are primed to find anyone who could overpower us a threat. We make instant assessments in day to day life and obviously 99.9% of people we assess they are fine but bathrooms/changing rooms are a place where we feel most vulnerable and so forcing people uncomfortable in order to ‘be kind’ isn’t fair.
for a person who was born male to have all the be benefits of being born male and then chooses to transition and think that being a women is just the change of appearance, I find very hard to accept. It doesn’t make their experiences as a trans person any less valid though. I am sure that they also have gone through lots of issues themselves . I am sure the hormones are awful and the surgery painful. But their experiences are not of those of a women. (Or a man if the transition is the other way)
Until the debate acknowledges this then it will always be toxic.