Jealous of brother and SIL’s very easy baby

[Korner]

Not much more than the title. Brother and SIL had a baby 2 months after dh and I. I wouldn’t say we have a difficult baby but she is not very easygoing. A deviation from her routine and the baby becomes very distressed which means my life is quite stressful ie trying to have a life around naps, baths etc.

Nephew on the other hand is VERY easy. He literally only cries when he needs a bottle/change. Will immediately stop crying if he is given both these things. It means my SIL is always out, make up on and life is barely changed. Last weekend my SIL surprised my brother with a hobby gift. They were only supposed to be out of the house for 3/4 hours but they ended up going home after 7/8 hours as they stayed out for dinner/trip to pub. Nephew just slept! I could never do that with my baby. And he is always happy and laughing. It’s beautiful but my baby is not like that. He must laugh 200x a day.

I thought maybe I was doing some wrong but I’ve had my nephew and he was perfect for me!

Nephew has slept very solidly since being a newborn whilst my baby is regressing right now. Brother and SIL say they are not tired whilst I am exhausted. I wish Inciuld go the gym. My husband is probably more hands on than brother (who is good tbf). They have taken their baby on a five hour plane ride and my mum (was there) said he didn’t cry once and just slept the entire time.

Just jealous. We have such different lifestyles due to temperament of babies.

These things tend to even out as they get older. You’ll find your LO is easier during another phase, and your nephew will be more challenging at a different time. It’s all swings and roundabouts. But hard when you’re in the middle of it because you think it will never end!

I get you!

My baby is 23 now and I still feel a pang when I see babies like your brother's 😉. My second wasn't much easier than the first. At 21 and 23 they are lovely 🩵

Unfortunately I have no advice, but I feel for you and understand!

This will not be the case as baby gets older. Toddlers are HARD WORK!

You're not unreasonable to feel the way you do but from what I've heard (I'm currently pregnant with my first), it's all swings and roundabouts. It's unlikely their baby will remain super easy forever and there could well be a point in the future where they feel the same about you and realise how easy they had it to start with. Must be bloody hard not to compare when you're so tired and can't really do much, but try not to focus on them too much as it'll likely even out as they get older. Hope things start to get a bit easier for you soon

I’m at home looking like a cave woman whilst SIL is on days out in sundresses with a smiley baby. I hate being jealous. I thought it was a mind over matter thing but when I build up the courage to be brave with baby it’s always an utter disaster.

Parenting is a marathon not a sprint. 'Perfect' nephew in our family really struggles as an adult. You just never know.

I say that as someone whose child didn't sleep more than 2 hours in a row until 2.

Nephew may end up being a little sod as a 2 year old! It’s not over yet.

You will have your time, OP. You are, at least, getting practice in 'difficult baby' now when yours is small. Your SIL will likely have to undergo 'difficult child' when hers is a toddler and insists on running away all the time and prodding cats, while your little angel will be happy sitting and drawing.
Don't worry. None of them are perfect all the way through.

I remember when I my DN was born and she slept through the night pretty much straight away, my DD didn't sleep through the night until she was 4. Fast forward and my DD sleeps amazingly and DN will often wake up at 4.30am & school are starting process re possible ADHD/ASD diagnosis. Both girls are amazing in their own way but different journeys at different times. Try not to compare and focus in on your own child.

My now wonderful, funny, witty 11 year old ds was an utter NIGHTMARE demon child - wouldn't sleep. Woudln't nap. Nothing like how people say babys are supposed to be like. Would SCREAM if you tried to put him in a car seat and would keep screaming and bucking and fighting to get out of it. Couldn't so ANY cafes etc for years because he hated sitting down. He hated the wind. He hated that I couldn't just fly him to the moon, or that his room had walls and he would scream I "wasn't taking the walls away". My niece was perfect in everyway, perfect baby, perfectly slept through, perfectly napped, potty trained early etc etc etc.

But now, I wouldn't have changed how he was for the world, as much as it gave me PND. I'm a stronger person now because of him, and he's just the light of my life.

Babies and children are easier and more difficult at different stages.

We have 6. My nightmare baby (and I mean nightmare) was the dream teenager. My easy as pie baby was a tricky toddler, a tricky tween and a Tricky teen!

With babies how they sleep just makes such an impact, but that changes as they grow.

It’s okay to feel this way, it’s understandable.

For me, what helps is maintaining perspective. You have a healthy baby - try thinking of the people who weren’t so lucky and what their daily routines may or may not entail. Count your blessings and enjoy what you can in this moment. As others have said, the future for everyone is uncertain.

Our daughter was an extremely easy baby, she was premature and slept so well we had to wake her for feeds. She’s now 2.5 and what I can only describe as a fucking nightmare.

😂😂😂

My third was the best baby ever. Everyone commented on what an angel he was, it was a nice rest after dc2 who never settled and was always on the go.
Well Dc3 is now 2.5 and he's a (cute) nightmare!! We're currently at the stage where he refuses to go to bed. I will be glad to see darker evenings come October time 😅
I bet you'll have an easier toddler than your dsis, especially with hers being a boy.
Boys have so much more energy and are a lot more boisterous in my experience. Hold in there, it will get easier ❤️

It's really natural to feel this way OP so don't feel bad. As others have said, your nephew may turn out to be a nightmare toddler or teen. But in case they don't, it's worth trying to work towards some kind of acceptance if you can. Remember some parents have it worse than you too - that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

Comparison is the thief of joy op

My first was so much easier than my second, however my first whinges more than my second which is hard in a different way.

I also hope it evens out more because my sister currently has a very easy baby which has done absolutely nothing for her complete lack of empathy towards me having a difficult baby. Almost makes me wish she has a hard time during toddlerhood (which doesn't make me feel great but it's true!)

SIL is lovely, she doesn’t play up the differences in our babies. We were making plans to meet up and she suggested this whole half day itinerary and I was so jealous. My baby would probably just about make it through lunch if I timed it right.

Nothing about pregnancy and babies is fair. A lot of it is so much luck. It will even out.

I'm massively jealous of my 2 colleagues and my 2 cousins who have recently given birth and have had the absolute easiest pregnancies ever. I am 30 weeks pregnant and have had the pregnancy from hell and am horizontal about 80%of the time.

Ahh, OP, I think it's natural to feel envious.
But if your nephew wasn't in your life, might it be easier?

Your nephew sounds like a dream, but the reality is, that most babies aren't like that, they really aren't!!.

"Comparison is the Thief of Joy" is not
to be ignored.

I can really resonate with what you've said, but, really, for your own happiness, leave DN and his family behind, in your own day-to-day living.
Well done for how you are getting on.
Enjoy the moments of happiness, the smiles, the interaction...the treasure. Xx
.

Just wait until your baby starts naps and sleeping. My kids only started needing a nap at 2yrs (it was a long time and I’d given up hope of sleeping or reading with my first born) and this was the exact moment the easy going kids stopped naps and started waking at 6am and during the night. Your moment will arrive. You will get some rest but you’ll have to listen to just how difficult it is now that naps have stopped lol

Comparing your baby to others is such a thief of joy.

We’ve all been there and I’m sure most parents can admit there were times they “wished” their child was more like their friends etc

Trust me you’ll have great, good and bad stages. I had an “easy” baby, he slept through from 2 weeks old and was chill. Had his moments but other than that was easy going. Well 14 months that changed! Now he’s a crazy toddler and it’s hard. Some people I know have hard newborns who never sleep then the most sweetest toddlers who start sleeping through!

Or you could have an easy child and a hell teenager!

What I’m trying to say is don’t compare, every stage is different for every baby.

One of mine was piss easy but I still could barely muster up the strength to get out! And I was getting plenty of sleep! It was me not the baby that was the issue lol.

I would say, it doesn't necessarily even out. Some DC just create much less work and angst for parents over a childhood than others do. It's the luck of the draw. There's no reason to suppose this baby won't also be an easier than average toddler. However, there's no reason to suppose yours won't be either.

It's also quite conceivable that yours will one of the easier ones over the course of the whole 18 years. Young babies is just one season.

A lot of it is down to luck/genes. I had two easy one hard.

Sil and bil were very condescending when dc3 was little saying that we needed better boundaries. And they wouldn't accept it.

Well their first is even harder tha dc3 . I do feel like saying when bil is getting smacked by his dd."boundaries bil boundaries "