Jealous of brother and SIL’s very easy baby

[Korner]

Not much more than the title. Brother and SIL had a baby 2 months after dh and I. I wouldn’t say we have a difficult baby but she is not very easygoing. A deviation from her routine and the baby becomes very distressed which means my life is quite stressful ie trying to have a life around naps, baths etc.

Nephew on the other hand is VERY easy. He literally only cries when he needs a bottle/change. Will immediately stop crying if he is given both these things. It means my SIL is always out, make up on and life is barely changed. Last weekend my SIL surprised my brother with a hobby gift. They were only supposed to be out of the house for 3/4 hours but they ended up going home after 7/8 hours as they stayed out for dinner/trip to pub. Nephew just slept! I could never do that with my baby. And he is always happy and laughing. It’s beautiful but my baby is not like that. He must laugh 200x a day.

I thought maybe I was doing some wrong but I’ve had my nephew and he was perfect for me!

Nephew has slept very solidly since being a newborn whilst my baby is regressing right now. Brother and SIL say they are not tired whilst I am exhausted. I wish Inciuld go the gym. My husband is probably more hands on than brother (who is good tbf). They have taken their baby on a five hour plane ride and my mum (was there) said he didn’t cry once and just slept the entire time.

Just jealous. We have such different lifestyles due to temperament of babies.

My 7 year old was an absolute nightmare. Seriously didn't think I'd make it through. She was absolutely miserable until she could walk. Once she could walk it changed overnight. She still didn't (and doesn't) sleep, but she's the sweetest most joyful being. Always ready for anything! I promise- it will change xx

I had one perfect baby and one nightmare baby. The perfect baby turned into the toddler from hell whereas the nightmare baby was easy as pie as a toddler. Swings and roundabouts!!

Just the luck of the draw OP!
My first was like your nephew. He lulled me into a false sense of security and then my second was a reality check! They're 9 and 11 now and both lovely.
I know it's so hard not to compare when you're in the thick of it but it's nothing you've done. It will get better.

I had really easy babies. Good sleepers, happy, lovely, no problem at all

However I had teen years I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. There were many occasions I didn’t even want to be alive

Teen years last a lot longer than babyhood

I think it all even out

My DS’s were both very easy babies and slept most of the time for the first 3 months. Hardly ever cried. Seemed really happy. Changed dramatically as toddlers, they were/are savage. DS1 is now 5 and still quite challenging, he’s autistic and dyspraxic. Suspect DS2 is autistic too. This will have no relevance to your situation but I’m just saying that easy babies definitely don’t mean easy toddlers/children.

My youngest was an easy baby. People used to say how relaxed he was. Now he's 8 with asd and adhd and is a nightmare...things change. Calm babies are not necessarily calm children. I know how you feel though my eldest was a nightmare and my friends boy was calm...

I had the most laid back dc ever. Slept well, was easy. But lived in a dream wonderland. Trying to get that 9 year old child to school on time - nightmare!

Even now as an adult they lose their phone, forget to lock their car, are late for everything!

My very easy DS is now 5 and has become extraordinarily difficult!! So they may not always have it this easy.

But it is natural to feel envious of someone who appears to be having an easier time of things. But just recognise it for what it is -and don’t project it onto them - it’s not their fault!

Both my babies were like your nephew. Never cried (I mean that : they just didn’t. Just a quick shout if they woke up or didn’t like something and then would stop immediately).

both of them were absolutely showstoppers in the supermarket etc : beautiful smiles, completely calm. Took them to Nz long haul several times : like a dream.

until about age 9 in each case where the wheels came off spectacularly and I now have two very challenging teens. Think CAMHS involvement and suspensions from school.

just focus on your own child.

A few of these posters have reminded me of what my mum and others said when I had my first. That some babies just don't like being babies. They have zero control over anything, can't sit up to look at interesting stuff etc.
My son screamed and fought when the Pedi did the first newborn check and always hated being laid out on changing tables. He's 8 now and very strong-willed, the more control he has over his life, the happier he is. (And he's pretty bright!)

I get it, I really do, but this is just the beginning.

If you’re not careful, your child will be pitched alongside him, and others, for the rest of his childhood. It all starts with comparing sleeping, then it moves onto how much they’re eating, crawling, walking, talking, counting, reciting the periodic table! And it goes on and on. And that’s before you’ve come across any particularly competitive parents!

Comparison really is the thief of joy. Ignore what everyone else’s baby is doing and just soak up and enjoy your own.

My easy baby was a horrendous toddler and still argumentative.

My hard baby who cried and never slept was wonderful from 1 year old and is still a lovely laid back teen.

Just wait things will change.

My ds was a super easy baby....never cried and slept a lot. Dd was a nightmare baby crying all the time and demanding things (she was speaking in full sentences by 12 months). It completely reversed at puberty. Ds turned out to have a rare genetic disease that caused him to be tired all the time (which is why he slept so much) and caused mental health challenges and dd turned out to be a curious genius who just needed to grow up enough to keep pace with her mind.

Between me and my sister we had 4 boys. 1 was a dream baby, he would lie on his back and gurgle at the ceiling for hours. I kept him when he was 3 months and my sister did a 9-5 course, and he never complained once. Ditto when he was a year old.

The other 3 were extremely difficult. All had reflux, so could never be put down, didn't sleep through until they were 4 years old, cried for hours on end, you name it.

Those 3 were dream teens. The easy one was really, really difficult, to the point where we were worried about suicide risk. Turned out he had a health condition which meant he had really low energy, which is great with a baby, not great when you are a teen and trying to keep up with life.

Similar with a close friend. Her difficult first baby became a mellow child, her placid easygoing second gave her headache after headache.

But there is also the luck of the draw, some people are probably easygoing all the way through.

Bloody hell, x posted with @SofiaAmes, scarily similar!

Stop comparing them, your baby is your baby and some just aren’t super relaxed and laid back. She may be later on, but accepting how things are is a start it isn’t forever. I have 4 sons. All 4 have been completely different, as babies, as toddlers as children and teens so you come to not expect anything just ride the waves and take the highs and lows as they come. It can be exhausting but also rewarding. I have a friend, also with 4 kids hers are all very calm and laid back mellow kids. Mine are a mixture. I just think the world would be a boring place if we were all the same. (Even if we are knackered and stressed out with our kids at times)

Speaking from experience, you'll probably feel like the toddler phase isn't nearly as bad as you expect it to be because you're used to having to be very hands on already whereas it might be a huge wake-up call to SIL!

I had a very tricky first baby but it's meant that my second has felt like a breeze in comparison.

My sons (both now adults) needed a lot of attention - both had quite bad health problems which required several hospital inpatient stays when they were babies.

Thier children have been "easy" - no health concerns at all, just happy, smiling babies who only cried when hungry or tired. I could have said I wish they (my sons) had been like that, but that would be pointless. Try to enjoy your baby as much as you can - those baby days don't last long.

Don’t sweat it OP. Sometimes angelic babies turn into little horrors when they are older and vice versa!

Yup I can sympathise with this with my teen middle child! 😩 Ironically I also called him my ‘angel’ as a baby!

Aww OP. Your nephew sounds like my darling first born as a baby. He was so easy with a sunny disposition and everyone loved him. He’s now 2 and a half and completely the opposite. Some days I wonder if he is actually the spawn of satan. I also have my daughter now who was such hard work as a baby I almost had a breakdown. However I’m hoping she will be an easy toddler!

This

My mother used to console herself with the phrase 'this phase will pass'

Are you me? My daughter is the same. Sending commiserations and strong Liquor ;)

My first was like your nephew

Second was more like your dc.

I learned quickly that actually i had to not be always bound by it, especially on days where naps etc weren't working and she was going to fuss whatever i did.

Its ok if you let a baby fuss a bit for a few minutes while you do your hair. Feed & change them first so you know they are good, then just accept they are fussing a bit, do your makeup and talk or sing to them as you do.

Just do your best.