Jealous of brother and SIL’s very easy baby

[Korner]

Not much more than the title. Brother and SIL had a baby 2 months after dh and I. I wouldn’t say we have a difficult baby but she is not very easygoing. A deviation from her routine and the baby becomes very distressed which means my life is quite stressful ie trying to have a life around naps, baths etc.

Nephew on the other hand is VERY easy. He literally only cries when he needs a bottle/change. Will immediately stop crying if he is given both these things. It means my SIL is always out, make up on and life is barely changed. Last weekend my SIL surprised my brother with a hobby gift. They were only supposed to be out of the house for 3/4 hours but they ended up going home after 7/8 hours as they stayed out for dinner/trip to pub. Nephew just slept! I could never do that with my baby. And he is always happy and laughing. It’s beautiful but my baby is not like that. He must laugh 200x a day.

I thought maybe I was doing some wrong but I’ve had my nephew and he was perfect for me!

Nephew has slept very solidly since being a newborn whilst my baby is regressing right now. Brother and SIL say they are not tired whilst I am exhausted. I wish Inciuld go the gym. My husband is probably more hands on than brother (who is good tbf). They have taken their baby on a five hour plane ride and my mum (was there) said he didn’t cry once and just slept the entire time.

Just jealous. We have such different lifestyles due to temperament of babies.

Just be happy for her.
Jealous is negative. Won't get you anywhere.

Try to not let bother you - it will all even out in the end!

I had an easy baby who fortunately stayed easy her entire life: she’s in her thirties. Your little one will grow out of this stage and when she’s older, you can embarrass her by regaling stories of how persnickety she was as a baby. She will be your best friend one day; do not despair.

I think people are embarrassed to talk about good babies as they don’t want to be hated/ for people to think they’re smug. I suspect more are good than people realise. I would always rub it in with male friends though when in the pub particularly.

It's my experience it's all swings and roundabouts. I have 2 DC. DC1 was a bit more difficult than DC 2. I was always up, showered, dressed, had makeup on if I felt like it, out and about, and wasn't particularly sleep deprived when they were babies (close in age). I often read threads on here, where the advice is you will still be in your pj's sleep deprived after 2 weeks of giving birth. That really wasn't my case at all. I was at a hen weekend when dc1 was 3 months old. However, babies are people too, and they have different personalities. I remember going out with my friend, and her child dc1 was about 18 months. Friends child was the same age as dc1. Her child sat on the picnic blanket, nicely playing with toys. Mine was running off like a bloody lunatic, kicking and crying when I brought him back, etc. I was about 7 months pregnant, it was hot, and I was frustrated. He was also an escape artist, and I have a fair few stories from the toddler years, which were far more difficult for me. So I had easy ish babies, but dc1 was definitely more of a difficult toddler. Dc2 used to have full on tantrums, throw himself on the floor, and have to be dragged out of shops 🤷‍♀️, much to my embarrassment. They say comparison is a thief joy. Just enjoy your baby as much as you can. Mine are 10 and 12 now, 10 year old is ok, 12 year old is hitting puberty and that is a whole new learning experience for me at the moment 🥴

I have a theory that easy babies become arsehole teenagers. No idea what that's based on, probably far from true, but it makes me feel better! Mine are now 11 and 15, they were both terrible sleepers, and both fairly difficult/ hard work at times in their own ways. Nowadays, while far from perfect, on the whole life is much easier! I enjoy their company, they get on with things at school, no massive issues!

Yes I know a baby like this, I was utterly mystified, I hadn’t realised they come in a chilled setting. DD was very high maintenance (still is). Don’t be jealous, PP are right you may find at some point you are getting a comparatively easy ride.

I had a baby like this he was diagnosed autistic at 2. Not saying this is your nephew but you never know what's round the corner that changes things. All kids are different, try not to compare (I know it's hard)

Babies change all the time

mine was a very easy baby . Didn’t even crawl until 11m , so placid and calm

started walking around 18m and has been a pita since 🤣

You have my commiserations OP. My first DD was exhausting! She screamed herself blue if I wasn’t holding her or left the room, never slept for more than two hours without waking up and never smiled at anyone but me 😂 I remember when she was 18 months old bringing her newborns DS home from hospital and bracing myself. DD2 slept through the night from the get go. Barely ever cried and was happy to be left with just about anyone! They’re now in their teens and they haven’t changed … DD1 is still pretty high maintenance and prone to moodiness. DD2 is completely self sufficient and laid back …

It’s so hard. I could have written that post when my teen was a baby. She was SO difficult and had reflux, never slept etc, and my SIL’s baby boy was an angel. When ever I complained she would smugly proclaim she never had any problems like that. She did have a lot of difficulties with her second baby however so soon changed her tune. Not much you can do but remember everything with babies is a phase. He may completely change as he becomes more mobile. My dd was happier when she could get about. Hang in there!

OP, I may get flamed for this but I really don’t care: ‘easy’ ‘well-behaved’ babies often grow into dull/ boring children and adults. Babies who are challenging and hard work are often brighter and more aware. 🌺

my first baby was an absolute dream, slept through 12 hours every night from 10 weeks. So happy and lovely. Then my second 17 months later was a nightmare 😂😂 I didn’t sleep for 2 years and he constantly threw tantrums 😁 he is lovely now at 4. This is just the way it is, try not to focus on your nephew too much. Your time will come when you feel like you’re bossing it too. Just hang on in there

It's all swings and roundabouts. I've known very easy babies that have turned into very difficult toddlers. Stop comparing. Could it be SIL is more easy going and relaxed so it's rubbing off on baby?

My first DS was a nightmare with sleeping eating, colic and eczema. He was also a nightmare toddler always running off and getting into everything and climbing everywhere etc. He then turned into a golden child and still is even into his teens.
My 2nd DS slept through the night after few weeks, no problems with anything and was was a dream. He became unmanageable from 4 years onwards. I had to get professional help. He is still really hard work and I'm dreading the teenage years.

My first baby was a breeze. Slept for 12 hours a night every single night from 8 weeks old. Never cried. I knew we were just lucky and we hadn’t particularly done anything but it was still a shock when I had baby number two. My eldest is a teenager now and (touch wood) has continued to be pretty chilled out and easy and my youngest is still more spirited.

I had a super easy baby.

Now at 18 months she is a mad, daredevil toddler that charges into everything! Other "nightmare" newborns are sitting playing happily by themselves for hours.

Your easy child time will come.

Ditto I was the loveliest child apparently - genuinely would just sit there and cuddle, always happy, never moved or caused a fuss. Then I was an absolutely nightmare teen, constantly causing arguments, while my "nightmare" baby brothers were easy, happy teens.

It changes so quickly, you can't compare at all. You might have a super easy toddler to come

It's definitely not you. Ds1 was such a difficult baby, I won't even go into it, but we ended up really struggling after. DS2 was a dream baby.

Ds1 was however an absolutely dream toddler and at nearly 4, such an amazing, sweet little boy! Stages change them. I'm sure we'll have a difficult stage again, but ever since around 16 months, ds1 has been lovely to hang out with!

Hang in there. Dh's friends had a dream baby a few months after us. DH was like eh they just roll his cot into the kitchen, turn on the fan and he goes back to sleep! But he's been a very difficult toddler...

It's so hard watching as others seem to have it so much easier.

I was that mum. My DD had a difficult start and the first 12 weeks were a total nightmare. She was either asleep (never for any decent stints) or screaming/crying. It got so bad around 12 weeks I had to call the HV ad I physically could not be in the same room as DD - I thought I was gong to lose my mind and I wanted to 'give her back' (no idea who to, it's just how I felt). Leaving the house before midday was a real accomplishment. Everything was timed around her nap/feed times as any change resulted in a meltdown. Travel was horrendous. Even visiting family and statine over with same routine = upset, crying baby. We were that family with the screaming baby on the 10 hr flight...

It did get easier and it usually does in most cases.

It couldn't contunue and from loads to of research I did, I was site most of what was going on n stemmed from DD not having proper decent good sleep. I decided to do the sleep training of the controversial Gina Ford and it changed our lives in 2 weeks. After 6 weeks, everything else seemed to slot into place - she slept through from 11 - 6am most nights. She had regular naps, her eating improved. Everything improved!

By the time she was a year old, DD was the baby all my friends and baby group envied. I could take her anywhere, she could nap anywhere, no issues with change etc. As long as she could eat and nap at her regular times (didn't matter where), everything was good.

We had none of the terrible twos. No tantrums ever. Minimal tween drama. No challenging teen era. We have had THE easiest child. And Mo's people who know is agree.

I'm not saying this is the case for anyone else but I did want to share that what's going on now and how you feel now is not set in stone.

When DD was 3 months I wanted to run away and hid and not have to ocme back until they were an adult. When the HV call happened, I honestly thought I wanted to leave and never go back. Now, it seems like someone else's life. I K ow or happened and I remeber it but it honestly feels like it was someone's else with a different baby!

I hope it gets easier. Try not to compare. Best of luck

My little girl was such an easy going baby. Would sleep like a dream but as soon as she turned 1 everything changed. She needed such rigid routines to keep her settled. I was out driving with her at 3/4/5 am to try get her to sleep.

It’s not a race, I know it’s hard going but you’re doing incredibly well ❤️

Do you think you might be a little Anxious and passing this on to baby, your comment re building up the courage, leads me to think this. Try to relax, this time won’t last forever. Good luck.

I was jealous of DH's baby who allegedly slept through... it was actually DH who slept through and assumed baby did too then stupidly bragged about it risking life and limb from assualt by more than one sleep deprived mother in the room.

DS was pretty easy by day... but I've been paying for that for the past 13 years...

I love him really!

My daughter was brilliant in every aspect as a baby except sleep, even now at 4 shes not a good sleeper. My son sleeps like a dream but is very needy/whingey, only starting to get a bit of independence now he’s 1.

Try not to compare…they’re all different.

It does even out op. My DS slept through from 6 weeks and was generally easy whereas my niece just didn't sleep.

Roll on toddler years and she sat nicely colouring at weddings etc and DS had to be in reins otherwise he'd literally run under a bus! I couldn't take my eyes off him for a second.

Now they're both adults (almost) it seems a long time ago now but it has also gone very fast. Everything passes.

Me and 2 of my friends have all had babys close together and I've learnt they're all sooo different. My boy is 10 months and is easygoing most of the time but has started getting super clingy and has only ever really contact napped but my friend with her 6 month old has it so easy and can just put him down when he's tired and he just goes to sleep but my boy fights a nap sooo much and I've told her how much she should appreciate how easy she has it with his naps! Haha. I feel you.