Jealous of brother and SIL’s very easy baby

[Korner]

Not much more than the title. Brother and SIL had a baby 2 months after dh and I. I wouldn’t say we have a difficult baby but she is not very easygoing. A deviation from her routine and the baby becomes very distressed which means my life is quite stressful ie trying to have a life around naps, baths etc.

Nephew on the other hand is VERY easy. He literally only cries when he needs a bottle/change. Will immediately stop crying if he is given both these things. It means my SIL is always out, make up on and life is barely changed. Last weekend my SIL surprised my brother with a hobby gift. They were only supposed to be out of the house for 3/4 hours but they ended up going home after 7/8 hours as they stayed out for dinner/trip to pub. Nephew just slept! I could never do that with my baby. And he is always happy and laughing. It’s beautiful but my baby is not like that. He must laugh 200x a day.

I thought maybe I was doing some wrong but I’ve had my nephew and he was perfect for me!

Nephew has slept very solidly since being a newborn whilst my baby is regressing right now. Brother and SIL say they are not tired whilst I am exhausted. I wish Inciuld go the gym. My husband is probably more hands on than brother (who is good tbf). They have taken their baby on a five hour plane ride and my mum (was there) said he didn’t cry once and just slept the entire time.

Just jealous. We have such different lifestyles due to temperament of babies.

I had one of those op. Mine was an month older than my sisters when we all went away on a massive family holiday with lots of relatives. Bearing in mind they were both just over a year old then so it’s not like mine was just a colicky/screaming newborn. Mine still cried all day every day non bloody stop for the entire 2 weeks, just like she did back home. My sisters 1yo however was given a toy truck and parked under a parasol while she sunbathed by the pool for literally 8-10 hours a day. Not a fucking peep out of him, ever. It was a speculation between the family at one point whether he may have been on the spectrum as it was beyond weird how an almost toddler was happy repeatedly putting a few stones in and out of his toy truck for 10 hours a day, he never even cried for food, just waited to fed. He grew into an intelligent young lad however, certainly not autistic. I would have given anything to swap babies for even just a day though 😩

People are often excellent parents before they actually have any kids!

So much of this is luck, OP. I understand why you’re jealous of your SIL. I was jealous of people with easy babies when I had DC1 who was a fractious and unsettled baby. My second DC was an easy, smiley baby who slept like a champ!

DC1 went on to become a very challenging toddler. Then she was easy and delightful for about 14 years, becoming a bit tricky again in late teens. We found out lately that she’s got ADHD which explains a lot (although I am obviously not suggesting that all difficult babies are ND or that easy babies are always NT).

You and your baby are just fine as you are, although I know it’s hard work for you. 💐

My sister never slept as baby, was hard work all the time as a toddler the as a teen was studious and thoughtful.
I was the "perfect' baby, great todder, easy kid, then out raving all weekend, sneaking out taking drugs, going to illegal parties, sleeping with boys. You never know!

My daughter is best thing that ever happened to me but goodness she is tricky in so many ways. The thing that pisses me off are friends who say I should just do insert obvious thing I’ve tried and then she’d sleep better. Drives me mad

I totally understand and had a similar thing with a good friend. It was awful. I didn’t even want to spend time with them because I was so jealous and it made me feel totally shit about myself. It’s just not fair, is it?! Are they smug and superior about it though? If so then they deserve a really terrible toddler/tween/ teen….

I always joke that if I'd had DS2 first we wouldn't have had any more children. After the initial hell of colic had passed he wasn't too bad a sleeper actually. But god, when he was awake he was never happy. Whingey face nearly all the time before he'd start crying. And soooo clingy, it was like having another limb. And he wouldn't eat anything. I swear he aged me an additional 5 years in his first 3 years. During that time DH actually said to me "I feel so guilty saying this but he's hard to love". 😢 It was a stroke of luck that his older brother was quite laid back so he just put up with a lot including things like days out on holiday being disrupted and made unenjoyable by DS2's whingeing and crying about everything.

He got much better at around 3/4, and by the time he started school he was quite delightful and full of joy and lit up the room. I love looking back at videos of him between, say, 4 and 11, because he was just so un-self conscious and very funny. I just don't think he liked being a baby very much!

When he went through the teen years he wasn't a bad teen at all, just a bit grumpy sometimes like all teens. Still a good boy all round. Respectful, hard working at school, just generally a well-behaved young person with lots of friends. He's 18 now and really, I can't equate with the fabulous person he is now with that whingeing red-faced misery guts that he was as a baby and toddler. He actually adds to our family holidays now. We'll miss him like mad when he goes off to uni.

I too remember feeling so very jealous at the time of contented babies that just sat there peacefully taking everything in, and who never cried much. I wonder how they turned out as teens and if they gave their mums the grief at that stage of parenting instead!

In fact I am still amazed now seeing recent photos of a relative's baby on holiday having a whale of a time, smiling in every photo, loving new experiences, and whenever we've met up in person the baby is exactly the same. Just happy and contented. I have to remind myself that I didn't actually do anything wrong and that it's just different temperaments.

Children go through different stages and their personality and character is not completely fixed. It won't be like that forever.

I had a fussy DD when she was a baby and was very jealous of my sister's extra chill one. By 15 months DD was a joy - perfectly content when she could walk and talk a bit and has been a breeze ever since (she's 11!). My niece, however, became a terrible 2 and gave my sister a hard time for years. They're both lovely now - all kids are difficult at different times/stages

I could have written this post myself, neither of my kids slept and everything was hard. I couldn't understand why friends with kids the same age made it look so easy.
It's hard, but it does get better. I found the easy babies became hard to handle toddlers - my nightmare babies were lovely at that age. Looking back now, I'm glad it was that way round!

He will end up being an arsehole toddler or teenager - not many people have it easy all the way through!!!

Oh god, your description is giving me PTSD! So familiar....😬

Oh my gosh - my second one was called the unicorn newborn as he slept easily and pretty much for 12 weeks only waking to feed.

As a toddler it was challenging! And still is.

I had a baby like yours op, not difficult at all, as long as everything was timed to the second 🤣 I swear people.uawd to think I was being difficult when I said no, sorry - that's nap time!

I was rewarded with the dreamiest 2yo you could ever imagine, and by this point everyone else's babies had started to hit their difficult ages. Hang on in there OP, it will get easier I promise.

My son was an "easy" baby and delightful j til his third birthday then I had a year of absolute HELL. It all evens out.

Well thems the breaks. It tends to even put eventually though.

Honestly OP, every baby is different, no matter what you do. My first DS was an absolute dream, so easy, could take him anywhere. Then we had DS2, 21mths later, OMG what a shock, he screamed morning til night, for the first 7mths of his life, didn’t matter what we tried or how many times we took him to the GP. It was really, really tough. My two are 23 & 21 now. But I will never forget how hard it was when DS2 arrived, he was the reason a 3rd, was totally and utterly out of the question!

Also, be thankful you had the nightmare baby first (as I did). My best friend had an absolute angel baby that I was very jealous of, followed by a screaming demon (now a lovely teen, it must be said). It's no joke when you've been up all night and can't even nap when the baby does as you have a toddler running around.

Try and be thankful you have a happy and healthy baby and let them get on with it. Lots of people would give their right arm to have what you have. Comparison is the thief of joy.

How old are they because it is very much swings and roundabouts and it very often comes back to bite you on the arse (my are 15 and 11 and it is very much up and down)

DD was an awful baby sounds a lot like yours but is a fairly easy going teenager now and far easier than a lot of others

DS1 nightmare baby,perfect toddler.
DS2 perfect baby,nightmare toddler.

No rhyme or reason 🤷‍♀️

YANBU,OP. I still remember these days, it was hellish. Keep going 💐 your baby loves you 🙂

I had a perfect baby like this who turned into a feral toddler. Hang in there you may find you end up with a well behaved toddler

We had the same with our DS and niece. She slept through the night early on and would just go with the flow. Our DS was a nightmare sleeper. However come the toddler years our niece was a right handful who started each day at 5am while our DS was an angel who slept a solid 13 hours a night. And I’m sure it will all change again.

I really hope their second would be a terrible sleeper to be honest as I remember really just wanting them to understand how the sleep deprivation felt. But alas they got another perfect sleeper and we got another dud - funnily enough though when the second time did come around it no longer bothered me.

Parenting isn’t a race and it isn’t a competition.

Not unreasonable and it's really not anything you're doing wrong. Just depends on the baby.
Try to put it in perspective though, they're just babies, they'll maybe have a harder time at the toddler stage, your baby might sleep better earlier, be a less fussy eater, settle in school better. Lots of stages to get through!
My second DD was a dream baby but a nightmare toddler!
Best not to get into a pattern of comparing them too much or you'll drive yourself crazy as they're growing up

Mine was an exhausting baby, I used to feel so tired it was almost as if my blood was too tired to flow around my veins! They never slept longer than a couple of hours at night, dropped the daytime nap at 18 months so managed to be on the go from 6am until at least 7pm However they were a fairly easy toddler, bright, chatty and affectionate, a breeze to get out of nappies, no major tantrums so I think it is swings and roundabouts really. I don't blame you for feeling envious, when I had my baby, a friend of mine had one a few months later and they were like a baby from a book, fed and slept like a dream, easy to soothe and comfort, I can remember feeling really jealous and wondering what I was doing wrong.

I can totally relate, OP. My son was never ever content as a baby, he was a purple crier who needed stimulating constantly. It's a large reason why we're one and done!

Seeing my NCT group have their second babies has made me realise how "short changed" I was when it came to my son's temperament as a baby. I kind of knew it at the time but was in the baby chaos so didn't realise quite how different my experience was. The way they just bring the tiny babies along to all kinds of things, leave them napping in the car seat or just hold them while they quietly look around contentedly. How I can visit their houses and the babies just lies on the playmat cooing to themselves.

Obviously their babies aren't quiet and peaceful angels all the time. And they still do all the exhausting things that are inherent to babies. They have their struggles and their bad moments. But it does make me jealous that they have a lot of peaceful times as well just toting the babies along on their plans, as I never did.

Mine is a toddler now and much easier to handle than he was as a baby. But he’s still noticeably more work than the other babies even now, in terms of having bigger reactions to things or needing to constantly be doing stuff.