Jealous of brother and SIL’s very easy baby

[Korner]

Not much more than the title. Brother and SIL had a baby 2 months after dh and I. I wouldn’t say we have a difficult baby but she is not very easygoing. A deviation from her routine and the baby becomes very distressed which means my life is quite stressful ie trying to have a life around naps, baths etc.

Nephew on the other hand is VERY easy. He literally only cries when he needs a bottle/change. Will immediately stop crying if he is given both these things. It means my SIL is always out, make up on and life is barely changed. Last weekend my SIL surprised my brother with a hobby gift. They were only supposed to be out of the house for 3/4 hours but they ended up going home after 7/8 hours as they stayed out for dinner/trip to pub. Nephew just slept! I could never do that with my baby. And he is always happy and laughing. It’s beautiful but my baby is not like that. He must laugh 200x a day.

I thought maybe I was doing some wrong but I’ve had my nephew and he was perfect for me!

Nephew has slept very solidly since being a newborn whilst my baby is regressing right now. Brother and SIL say they are not tired whilst I am exhausted. I wish Inciuld go the gym. My husband is probably more hands on than brother (who is good tbf). They have taken their baby on a five hour plane ride and my mum (was there) said he didn’t cry once and just slept the entire time.

Just jealous. We have such different lifestyles due to temperament of babies.

An easy baby doesn't mean an easy child. My oldest was the easiest baby going. He was like your nephew very chilled out and slept constantly. He then became a Very difficult toddler with significant sleep issues and has stayed quite a difficult child since (nearly a teenager). Dc2 and 3 were much more demanding babies but are way easier kids then DC1. Things can change so try not to worry

DS1 was, I think, very bored as a baby. He cried a lot and didn't seem happy for more than a few minutes in a day.

He turned out to be super intelligent.

I used to tell myself, but not the other parents of course (!), that their little ones were so very content as perhaps they were not so bright.

It's something to comfort yourself with, but not to be said out loud.

I know a beautiful, sunny-natured 17-year-old girl who gets on well with everyone and is always smiling. According to her mum, she was a difficult baby who was always miserable!

Mine's been feral since day 1. I struggled so much with her,lack of sleep was awful. I had PND and I genuinely wanted to jump off a bridge.
However in the last year she's been easier. Very active, loads of friends, a budding little artist, can chill out occasionally. She's 6 now.

My niece, who is now 4, was a dream baby.

Now they can't get her out of their bed for love nor money, I'm pretty sure she is still breastfed, she regularly kicks her mum and dad in the face and screams the house down. She's barely had 6 hours away from her parents and starts school in September.
These are people who when they were childfree and we had our DD they looked at me (when I was so tired I didn't know what my name was) and said 'When we have a baby it'll slot into our lives and we'll all go on skiing holidays'
I must ask them how that's working out.

It all evens out . You will be fine. I know it sucks. I promise one day you'll have a little knowing smile on your face 😊 x

It's completely unfair, but try not to dwell over it.

At least your SIL sounds nice, unlike the usual "baby is easy because of my outstanding parenting skills" idiots 😂

Because did you know your baby will be easier and sleep better if you are more chilled and make noise? no he fucking will not, some babies need SILENCE to sleep, some babies do not fucking sleep ever

Concentrate on the routines that work for now, plan around and tag-team with your husband to have at least one afternoon off a week! It will get better, it really does. eventually.

😂😂

Anything that helps is worth it.

But you are right, don't say it out loud. You might be correct 😂

www.instagram.com/reel/C8aEvGNCn3x/?igsh=cDJhNXE1azZ1N2l5

I have a very difficult baby ….well a toddler now and his temperament just keeps getting worse. I didn’t let it affect me going out though and doing the things I enjoy . Does he cry in public and am I embarrassed? YES! But my friends/ family are none the wiser as to how much a struggle unless they ask, because I’m always out and about. Ive even been abroad with baby by myself. - so when I look at my friends/ family babies who are very very easy I really can’t resent it!

my advice to you is to get out the house and do nice things. sure it will be more of a struggle than with you SIL’s baby but trust me the memories you create when you look back will be worth it . If you want to chat feel free to pm me xx

I was house bound (more accurately sofa bound) with my baby in the first couple of months due to feeding issues - I was utterly exhausted and so jealous of others who could just pop baby in a pram and go for a walk, nevermind an actual trip somewhere. Even once feeding issues sorted, baby hated pram and would only nap on me. I had no idea babies could be so hard - probably because babies like mine are at home, not in cafes or restaurants etc. I had looked after relative's newborn twins before and they were so easy - could just feed them then put them in pram/crib for nap. I naively thought my baby would be the same 🙄.

BUT from 6 months my baby was so much better - would go down for a nap no problem, enjoyed the pram, slept well at night, good eater. And some friends' babies who I had been jealous of in the first few months became quite tricky for naps, bedtime, weaning etc. So hang in there, and know you are not alone.

I had an easy baby. She's still happy now she's a toddler but sleep has gone to pot and she's very strong minded/willed (obviously I know this is going to be an excellent trait) which can make day to day stuff exhausting.

Everyone's kids are different at every stage. Sleep will come back. And then probably go again. And then come back again.

I get why you're feeling like this, I would too. Just remember it's not forever and noone has it easy all the time.

And sleep whenever you can!

All children go through stages of being easy/difficult. Your nephew may be easy right now but he will be a nightmare at some point. My ds1 never slept as a baby, was a nightmare toddler but we sailed through the teenage years.

My lovely smiley baby is now honestly a bit of a horror at 5. Whereas their sibling, a real screamer who never slept or settled is an absolute angel. Parenting is long op!

I have had one of each of these babies. DS1 was as you described, not a difficult baby but not easygoing either. I was a lone parent with him and sometimes blamed myself for it. But honestly I couldn’t stay in and go stir-crazy for the sake of a routine so I took him out, braved plenty of crying and tantrums whilst out and about and he turned into a delightful toddler and boy (though still tantrums obviously). DS2 is the polar opposite, quiet and smiley and chilled out and a decent sleeper from the start. Honestly though, I do less with him because I’m constricted by the school run now so if I was you I would just brave it out for a few weeks, taking your baby out every morning by trying cheap things like library baby classes and local toddler groups - keep going for your own sanity even if it’s sometimes a disaster at times and eventually your son will acclimatise to this new normal. Remember that you matter too and getting out and doing things is important for your mental health as well as baby’s.

The way to look at it is this, most of us get at least one angel baby and one nightmare baby if you have more than one child.

I don’t know if you’re planning on having another but far better to have the nightmare baby first when you only have one. Plus you’ll appreciate it so much more when you get your angel baby!

If it makes you feel better I was your sil for the first year of my baby's life ... my oh my did things change after she turned 1. She's amazing but SO CRAZY AND WILD . won't ever sit still at a restaurant and will protest and scream unless she's allowed to walk around and see every corner of every place we go 😂😂 their time is coming and maybe yours will switch x

It's a short phase in the scheme of things so don't worry, you will get your life back. Plus she may have a second and it be awful!

I had one easy baby and one difficult one. I feel I have a stronger bond with the difficult one due to all the nights spent rocking him, carrying him, trying to placate him. My other child is much more independent and I sometimes wonder if our bond is lacking something. So there's pros and cons

I get it OP and most people would understand. As pp have said though, it’s peaks and troughs and whilst some have easy babies, it’s unlikely to be plain sailing. Those who have fussy babies often end up with calm toddlers. You’ll have your time OP. Good luck

ps Sleep deprivation is the absolute worst!

Don't worry, their second baby will probably be a nightmare and you will feel sorry for them! 😆

My DS was just like yours, cried so much and loudly, and I was always walking/bouncing him while the rest of the mothers group sat with sleepy babies on a blanket beside them. He is now 12 and seriously the easiest tween. He just got easier and easier every year.

I learned at one point that he is highly sensitive though, hence, all the tears. And that makes him the special person he is. He is sensitive to others. He is musically gifted and super smart. He has loads of friends. Good luck! It is tough when you are in the trenches!!

@Rosesarered222 I kinda needed to read that because I've started become anxious about my dd new found activeness and desire to run around in public and scream if I don't let her lol... this gave me the confidence to get out and about again

My second baby was very easy compared to my first - would sleep anywhere. But he was a very tricky toddler and still has his moments now aged 8. Nothing stays the same for long. Be kind to yourself.

Feel your pain. My son is gorgeous and has a lovely nature but he's regressed badly from 5 to 10 months and it quite demanding of our attention in phases so I'm so fat and so tired from eating too many sweets to compensate for sleep deprivation and having no energy to workput. I was so fit and healthy before having my baby.

However, comparison is the thief of joy. People get lucky with unicorn baby's, my friend has one and is running a half marathon in September despite having a one year old. Try not to compare lives because it won't change anything xx

Best bit of parenting advice I ever got was ' If it's going well it's just a phase. If it's going badly, it's just a phase. It's all just a phase'.

FWIW DS1 was a perfect baby. Turned out he has a range of learning and cognitive difficulties and was just in his own little baby bubble. He was hell on wheels from 2 years to about 4. perfect until 8-9. Covid and lockdown started when he was 9 and it was hideously tough for him. I honestly did not think we would get through it. He's now 14 and is an angel. Smiley even tempered, tremendous fun to be around. I see those with horror teens looking at him with such envy. But I have no doubt he will go through his own horror teen years.

You are in a tough phase right now. But it will pass. And I am willing to bet that even though your nephew is easy (now) you would not swap him for your own anyway!

Dunno if it helps, OP but my very easy baby has been a sod of a teen.

Honestly op , it’s so so hard when you are in the same zone age-wise as other parents and they are having a way easier time of it , Kids change constantly though op, really I can’t stress that enough as a parent of three much older children.
They could have a really challenging toddler. I have 3 and although one of one was “easyish” I had v v v much non sleepers in two of my kids. My sil and bro have two extremely “easy” kids so far , mine are older now but I would have found it v hard to listen to how it’s all in their routine etc if mine were small now .
I breastfed too and in my experience bf babies tend to be more demanding and less sleepy than formula fed. Also the toddler years for me were so much more limiting than the baby years as babies are portable etc especially if they are sleeping so you might be getting used to the limitations sooner than them !
Every age has its challenges, honestly op this is just the beginning !!