Jealous of brother and SIL’s very easy baby

[Korner]

Not much more than the title. Brother and SIL had a baby 2 months after dh and I. I wouldn’t say we have a difficult baby but she is not very easygoing. A deviation from her routine and the baby becomes very distressed which means my life is quite stressful ie trying to have a life around naps, baths etc.

Nephew on the other hand is VERY easy. He literally only cries when he needs a bottle/change. Will immediately stop crying if he is given both these things. It means my SIL is always out, make up on and life is barely changed. Last weekend my SIL surprised my brother with a hobby gift. They were only supposed to be out of the house for 3/4 hours but they ended up going home after 7/8 hours as they stayed out for dinner/trip to pub. Nephew just slept! I could never do that with my baby. And he is always happy and laughing. It’s beautiful but my baby is not like that. He must laugh 200x a day.

I thought maybe I was doing some wrong but I’ve had my nephew and he was perfect for me!

Nephew has slept very solidly since being a newborn whilst my baby is regressing right now. Brother and SIL say they are not tired whilst I am exhausted. I wish Inciuld go the gym. My husband is probably more hands on than brother (who is good tbf). They have taken their baby on a five hour plane ride and my mum (was there) said he didn’t cry once and just slept the entire time.

Just jealous. We have such different lifestyles due to temperament of babies.

Having had a not-easy baby, it's that they will very very tearful at regular intervals throughout a half day out, hate having their routine disrupted, refuse to nap, and be really unhappy/noisy in social settings where it's less than ideal (i.e., if the sister with an 'easy' baby has booked a nice lunch out). You can't put them down and you can't have a conversation.

Not nice for baby, not nice for mum, and not nice for anyone else trying to enjoy their lunch!

And some parents of easy babies assume that THEY are the ones who made them easy!

I have an antenatal friend who is actually on the anxious side with her daughter - won't take her perfectly normal places because it isn't "safe" etc - and her daughter is the one that has slept through from the beginning, naps easily, often and wherever etc. Yet you hear "chill mum, chill baby" all the time on here.

I feel sorry for those babies because though I understand anxiety about certain things, it's just mean to keep a little one away from everything. Also, wait til they're a toddler and running amok, I imagine anxiety will shoot through the roof🤣 my username is not ironic btw🤭😆

Be careful of instagram families and babies. My 2 children are wondrous and easy to look after. Ask me yesterday and ill tell you how my demon spawn lost the tv for a week. As others have said children at different stages will behave different, give it 20 years and you might be glad you didnt have their issues. Also genders are different as well

Yes differences in babies. But also differences in parents. Baby might look easy, but it takes a lot of work and tolerance through screaming matches to get to that point too.

sleep is just sleep and really sucks!!!

maybe console yourself with the possibility of yours being a chill teenager?

And I’m glad your in laws aren’t assholes!!

Just my luck, our puppy was also bloody hard work.

Dog trainer literally came on day 3 of dog being home - brought forward by 2 weeks because he was such a bitey menace. I guess I should take reassurance from that because dog is very chill now (who funnily enough has been stolen by brother for the week whilst he is on hols).

I’m just being short sighted, I wouldn’t mind whole sunny afternoons in beer gardens/cafes in pretty dresses/made up. I can go for an hour if I time it right but inevitably the baby starts throwing a fit and turns bright red.

Instead I'm in pyjamas loungewear rocking my baby whilst I watch The Sopranos in a darkened room. With only Sensation Sweet Chilli crisps for comfort. If I put baby down she will cry. And she barely slept last night. So boring.

Its unfortunate but it always seems to happen. You always know a person who gets the unicorn baby who is chilled, sleeps all night, never kicks up a fuss and they seem to carry on as before. It's down to luck unfortunately but it will get easier as they get older and you will have lovely days out without dreading the next tantrum over nothing. I had an absolute screamer who cried constantly. I either couldn't go to events or had to leave early every time. We still have our moments but he's 5 now and we go on holidays, have meals out and make plans!

My easiest baby turned into my difficult child, my baby that sounds like your one and was a hard work baby has been an absolute breeze to bring up, so easy going & calm. Things change, you may be the envy of everyone with your child in later years

That time will come again, promise. One day that will be you, either with an adorable toddler/little girl in tow, or because she is old enough to leave with someone else!! In the meantime, enjoy the crisps (and I know it sounds mad but one day, you will likely look wistfully back at this time too).

Something I might suggest is also trying lots of different kinds of activities/venues if you can! My 4 month old will cry horrendously during anything calm and relaxing like mum and baby yoga or a picnic, to the point where I had to leave three classes altogether. However we took her to a coyote ugly bar that was jam packed with youngsters for bottomless brunch accidentally one lunchtime (feet were killing on a weekend away and we needed a drink) and she was absolutely amazing 😂 also loves a mumfit class I found which has house music and lights and we are planning to take her to a baby rave. So don’t lose hope and stop trying things! 😊

My first was a nightmare screaming baby. I could only walk with him in a carrier, he hated the pram and wouldn't let me sit down. I had a lovely maternity leave though walking in lovely places, coffee in hand. He was a delight aged 2! My youngest has always been an easy baby, he was the perfect newborn during the day, just didn't bloody sleep! I had lots of lovely coffee dates while the oldest was in nursery, so I got to experience an easy baby and see why other people found it easy and didnt feel bad for struggling with my first😂

My children were the easy sorts of baby your SIL has. Yes, I had lots of sleep and did put makeup on. Their teenage years were, to put it politely, very challenging - an absolute nightmare. They are both doing well now but it was an awful time. Things were so bad that all these parents confessed about what horrors their children got up on the basis that in the circumstances I was in no position to be judgmental. As my old grandfather used to say, "It's a long road but there's a turn" - I think it probably loses something in translation but I think you get the gist. Don't waste time being jealous of what is a relatively brief time.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but it’s not their problem so something just to try and work past.

if it provides any hope my child was a nightmare. She was in NICU for a month so I think she got used to constant 24hr input and then as well as not sleeping would cry and scream for hours and hours. I spent so much time bouncing on a ball with her trying to soothe her and was so stressed from it all I lost loads of weight. She had silent reflux so we got that treated and things started to improve (still very hard) then at about 6 months it’s like she turned in to a new baby. We also took her private for a tongue tie assessment around that time, she had a missed posterior tie that was cut and we took her to an osteopath that dealt with babies around the same time for 3 sessions, can you sense the desperation, so I’m not sure if it was just coincidence or it really helped. She’s 21 months now and such a joy. Our friends who had a baby 2 weeks before us who was an angel baby and slept through from really early on are now dealing with challenging behaviour and sleep refusal.

Nephew will probably be a hideous teenager, their time will come :)

I don’t know if this makes you feel any better but my first born cried a lot and slept terribly, would scream and I didn’t know why, every day, didn’t know when she was tired, was hard to get to sleep, fed terribly, wouldn’t nap when we were out, ever, she’s 4 now and she got much more chilled out after she turned 1, she’s such a chilled out little girl.
i have a 4 mo old son, he’s completely different, so chilled out, smiles and laughs constantly and only cries if hungry or tired, easy to get to sleep, easy to know what’s wrong (very much like you’re nephew) sooo he may turn out to be the opposite of my daughter as he gets older!

My first child was like your baby and my second was like your brothers! I’m glad it was that way round. Every baby is different

My daughter was the HARDEST baby. I felt totally trapped and really struggled . I really e cued people with chilled babies. Fast forward to the toddler years and she was a total delight!! Hang in there- their son might be a total handful one day!

They just got lucky with a unicorn baby!

#1 for me was a very difficult baby, a bit like you described. Could not fall out her routine, wouldn't nap etc. Took forever to sleep through, didn't sleep past 5am until 4. Although was a delightful toddler and is now a delightful 6 year old.

#2 was a bit more chill and could be flexible with routine etc as loves his naps. Although has horrendous colic for the first 6 months. An absolute nightmare boisterous toddler now.

#3 is 4 weeks old and I can't say either way yet but seems to be much more chilled.

They just got lucky OP, nothing is linear with babies/toddlers and it all evens out in the end.

Assuming your baby is still quite young and nephew even younger. Newborns can be sleepy delights may change when he starts waking up a bit more. My second was very chill for first 5.5 months but he’s definitely becoming a bit “trickier” now.

My first was a crap sleeper but happy to sleep out and about as he only contact napped a baby carrier was a life saviour and a walk often led to a nap. He hated being put down ti he was almost a year old for sleep 🤦‍♀️.

I had that baby, even went to bed a 7pm and not up for a feed until 7am then slept until 10 from a couple of weeks in

.... I now have a 6 year old who is a challenge 🙈 and can no longer go to sleep unless I lie beside her and a nearly 2 year old who still wakes every 90mins to 2.5 hours all night every night since day one and will only contact nap....

Just because they have it easy now it doesn't mean they always will 🤣 🙈

My 1st was an absolute angel (still is at 18)

The youngest however was a freaking nightmare and is going to be a right pain through teenagehood.

My easiest baby was by far my hardest toddler. Even my magic childminder couldn't tame her feral ways 🤣 and my nightmare baby is my easiest child, sometimes I forget I have him 🤣

It's swings and roundabouts, try not to compare. Fingers crossed you get an easier ride later down the line and she's chasing a whirlwind while you're sipping coffee.

Think of it this way OP, if you have another you will be well prepared, whereas they will get a shock if 2nd baby isn't easy! Also, they still have the toddler years which is the difficult bit. They could have a feral toddler on their hands for all you know. I have three boys and they were all different. My one 'easy' baby was a delight and a little joy but he is now 6 and although still a sweetheart, has signs of autism and is extremely sensitive so now cries at pretty much anything!! All kids are different and it's exhausting at the time but it could all change very soon as their little personalities develop. Does your SIL every babysit your little one?

I agree it’ll switch around at some point I’m sure.. BUT I would ask, are you super strict with routine like when and where yours sleeps? I’ve friends whose babies can ONLY nap in their bed (cot) at specific times etc and honestly it just doesn’t work. Their kids don’t sleep any better and it really limits their lives/they get incredibly stressed if there is any deviation!
Babies can nap out and about in pushchairs/slings etc if you do that with them from the start, but once you get into strict routines it’s hard to break.

You hear this so often, but honestly, HONESTLY it's bullshit.

There are "babies who can nap anywhere" babies and babies who have very strong opinions and needs about sleep. Just like there are adults who are the same.

And there are people who think that because some babies do it, they all can or should.

Like I said, the easiest sleeper in our antenatal group has a very anxious mum. She didn't even leave the house for a walk around the park immediately opposite her house for three weeks. Her baby is the one that drifts off mid-conversation. Can just be transferred to the pram once dozy and fall asleep there. Sleeps through mostly.

I was out and about taking my son places from 3 days old. Yes, he can nap in the sling/pram etc, but he needs constant motion and knows the second you cross the threshold into a shop and wakes up.