Jealous of brother and SIL’s very easy baby

[Korner]

Not much more than the title. Brother and SIL had a baby 2 months after dh and I. I wouldn’t say we have a difficult baby but she is not very easygoing. A deviation from her routine and the baby becomes very distressed which means my life is quite stressful ie trying to have a life around naps, baths etc.

Nephew on the other hand is VERY easy. He literally only cries when he needs a bottle/change. Will immediately stop crying if he is given both these things. It means my SIL is always out, make up on and life is barely changed. Last weekend my SIL surprised my brother with a hobby gift. They were only supposed to be out of the house for 3/4 hours but they ended up going home after 7/8 hours as they stayed out for dinner/trip to pub. Nephew just slept! I could never do that with my baby. And he is always happy and laughing. It’s beautiful but my baby is not like that. He must laugh 200x a day.

I thought maybe I was doing some wrong but I’ve had my nephew and he was perfect for me!

Nephew has slept very solidly since being a newborn whilst my baby is regressing right now. Brother and SIL say they are not tired whilst I am exhausted. I wish Inciuld go the gym. My husband is probably more hands on than brother (who is good tbf). They have taken their baby on a five hour plane ride and my mum (was there) said he didn’t cry once and just slept the entire time.

Just jealous. We have such different lifestyles due to temperament of babies.

You don’t know how things will be when there a bit older. Not too long ago there was a thread (didn’t save it so don’t know how to find it) that very easy babies are likely to be ND as kids and older. I’m not saying your nephew would be but you just never know how it turns out a little later

My eldest, DD, was hard work as a baby/toddler. Didn't sleep through the night until she was 4, had mega tantrums, pushed boundaries. DS slept through from 6 weeks, hardly cried, really easy. But it evened out, both were great kids, teens and now adults. I was dreading DD going through puberty, but it wasn't a problem. In fact DS was the more emotional one. Jealousy won't help, just focus on what you have, not what you haven't x

Seriously, don't feel too jealous, their time will come and when it does, it'll hit them like a ton of bricks!

This is exactly my son and daughter, 4 years apart. My son was born and was the easiest baby ever! Only cried when he needed changing, feeding or was tired, the rest of the time he was giggling and interacting. He would have 2-3 hour naps twice a day and pretty much slept through the night straight after a feed.
My daughter cried constantly, wouldn’t even let me out of her sight. Had to hire a cleaner to do my housework as couldn’t move for her (in hindsight I don’t know why I didn’t just buy a baby sling and get on with it haha). Her naps were never more than 45 minutes and she was the grumpiest baby ever!

Fast forward and they’re now 17 and 13, and are the complete opposite of what they were as babies and have been for about 10 years. Son is grumpy, very uptight and my daughter is an absolute dream!

I bitterly regret not enjoying my daughter when she was a baby, she was my last one and I could have done things so differently. Good luck and follow your instincts

My first born was fairly easy, not like your nephew but not far off.

My second child was one of the most difficult babies I've ever heard of, bar friends who have children with severe disabilities. Let's just say it's a miracle I'm alive. Lovely but still v challenging 8 years on.

Swings and roundabouts. You have a lovely healthy normal sounding baby.

It is hard, OP - completely understandable to despair and compare when you are having a tough time. Although try not to - it doesn't help! Please know that things even out, eventually pass and get better.

My DS was not an easygoing baby. We had to stick to a rigid routine and even then things were really tough. The few outings and meetups available / I could bring myself to do (Covid times) I struggled so much, particularly when I saw other mums with their peaceful settled babies. But he was an absolute dream between 15 months and 3 yo (and again less of a dream right now 😅). I also looked like a cavewoman (and still do - things improved so I went and had another!!!)

My second was a delight at 2 months. Slept only cried when needing something, could be taken along wherever.
Shes 16 months now and much more high maintenance than my eldest ever was!
Its a phase.

I could have written this 😆

Sounds like my DS as a baby. He is now a wild, loud, whirlwind of a 3 year old. He’s lovely and a very happy child but is non stop and definitely doesn’t allow me any “me” time during our days together!

My toddler DD sounds the same as yours. She was a fussy newborn and hated changes to routine. We also had to maintain a solid feeding and sleep schedule. As a toddler she’s still fussy and can throw herself on the ground in a tantrum or start crying in a very loud voice. I like that she knows what she wants and has a great set of lungs on her. Maybe she’ll be a singer with how much her voice can project!

I understand this OP, I am in a similar position except there is 18 months between my baby and my sister's.

My little girl was SUCH a tough baby, she would never be put down, awake or asleep, and cried constantly for the first few months. She constantly wanted to be fed, and had little patience for anyone except me.

My sister's baby is just a dream, sits happily in a bouncer, will sit on someone else's lap just looking around, falls asleep on his own really easily.

I am so glad we didn't have them closer together as I would have felt so down about it, just like you do. Being through the hardest stage with my little one now has made it more palatable.

Also, my little girl is the sweetest toddler now 😊 These hard times won't last forever x

It's the luck of the draw, I wouldn't have said my first born was a difficult baby at the time, but compared to my second he was, she is so easy going, but we did have a regression a few weeks back that was hard, now back to good sleep, it is all just phases, good and bad will come and go, try not to focus on others and comparing too much, they are all different and develop differently.

I just want to say that I totally empathise. I remember when my little girl was about four months, and my friends (all with babies of a similar age) suggested that we take the babies and all go for a lovely afternoon tea. I genuinely couldn't fathom how the thought of this wasn't insanely stressful to them.

We went for the tea and their babies were good as gold and mine just cried until I took her outside and pushed her in her pram. Every time I tried to sit down she cried again. I found the first six months unbelievably stressful, but all of the commenters on here at correct - this sort of behaviour is so fluid and won't last forever. From the age of 8 months to 2 years she was an absolute DREAM BOAT and I was the envy of all my friends.

We won't talk about what happened once she hit two, I can't laugh about it until I'm out the other side 😂😂

My first was AWFUL. Screamed constantly couldn’t take him anywhere. A friend of mine had the most chilled baby ever. So
jealous 🙄
fast forward 14 years and my boy is the easiest, kindest most chilled out teenager. He’s a pleasure to spend time with and love him to bits.
my friends boy however is an absolute grade A nightmare who’d she like to throttle every day 😂😂 so hang in there - you may have the last laugh x

My 6 year old didn't sleep for near on three years. She screamed 24/7, nothing helped her at all. She's now 6 and is perfect.

My two year old was the perfect baby. He was like your nephew. He's now apparently on a mission to see how many different ways he can hurt himself each day, refuses to eat, is a general nightmare

I remember being very smug when my 2 month old slept about 7 hours straight during the night. Fucking hell. She then had sleep regression and woke up many times throughout the night until she was 3 years old

My DD was exactly the same as your nephew, such a chilled happy little baby and so easy going. Grandparents and friends loved looking after her because she was easy, slept from four months, toddler stage was fun with the odd meltdown - I absolutely loved her early years and thought we’d cracked this whole parenting milark….. then along came DS who is a chaotic, screaming, sleepless feral child (he gives the best hugs though) who humbled us very quickly 😂.

You’re doing amazing btw!

My ds was a dream like your nephew. I thought I was an amazing parent and knew it all! Then dd was born. Literally hardly slept for 3 years 😭
Fast forward ds was a difficult child at school, as a teen just generally hard work.
Dd is an angel. It will all even out in the end.

Keep going, the days are long but the years are fast....enjoy it even the shit bits.

Ahhh, with you there on the jealousy.

From about 8 weeks old, my son was the one antenatal baby that wanted to STAND AT ALL TIMES during cafe visits. This progressed to wriggling off my lap by 12 weeks whilst all the other babies were still sitting nicely for mum.

He's eight months now, the first to crawl and stand, and whilst he's delightful more interesting by far than the one who slept through from the start, I do feel wistful for the fact I've spent my entire mat leave pandering to this constantly on-the-go baby.

I had a difficult baby who turned into an easy toddler and an easy baby who turned into a difficult toddler. Her time is probably coming.

This is such a true saying 🤣

I don't really understand (probably because I had two easy babies) what you mean by your baby wouldn't make it through a half day out. What would happen? Is it that bad if they cry for a bit?

I'm not being facetious, I just took a v laid back attitude and didn't have a routine for either of mine until they were old enough to need one - and then only at night time.

don’t worry. They will
have a second child and they will be demons as the first child gave them false impressions 😝

Op I had one of these babies, then my second came and he was (is still) an absolute fucking horror

@Korner It’s sheer damn LUCK!
I had an easy baby- so much so that it put me off having another as health visitors used to say “ You won’t be lucky again”..

Son ( now adult) used to sleep through everything, extremely easy going.
It was nothing I did.

He was a bit of a shocker as a teen, ( rude!) but is now lovely again.

It’s like Puppies
My dog is easy going, as is her brother, but the others are much more high maintenance- It’s genes.
👍