To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

The mum was rude but no point getting het up about it. Any sensible person would accept your house, your rules (unless allergies/food aversions etc) when it comes to food.

In your place, I'd just reply "righto" and console myself that there won't be a "next time".

I agree with those who say don’t text back

there was a similar ungrateful cf a few years ago and some said to just text back, ‘sorry, your thank you message came out garbled nonsense, but you’re welcome anyway’

but let her sweat. You did her a massive favour and she’s a controlling twat to her little girl

"In future, will do what I did today and give an obviously hungry child food. But dont worry, it wont be your child as I wont be babysitting her again"

I'd actually be concerned that this child is being deliberately underfed.

As a Mum, I wouldn't want my child eating Costco cakes, due to the complete shite put in them, would be fine with home made cakes though, as long as no colours in them. But this mum was really rude about it, and her response, and the lunch she provided does ring alarm bells, coupled with her child being very slim and petite.

I say this as a mother of two very petite, slim children (both have a healthy BMI though), I would never ever deny my children food. My 8yr old is like a bin, she'll eat 2 breakfasts, 2 lunches, 2 dinners, and snacks throughout the day. She'll eat little and often basically. There's not a pick on her, but she eats a lot, and does a lot of exercise. The main point is, I'd NEVER deny my children food if they are hungry. The fact this mother has a slim child AND denies her food when hungry, is certainly concerning, there's potential neglect here.

I wouldn't be surprised if she had stomach ache or felt or was sick later in the day after all that food, especially if she isn't used to eating as much as that.

A packed lunch, which sounds adequate in fairness, then another plate of food then two slices of cake, those costco cakes are big! Then popcorn on top.. good grief.

You obviously meant well, but I think you gave her way too much, a small slice of the cake after her packed lunch and popcorn later would have been plenty. The message was quite abrupt, but if you filled my kid full of all that extra food when I'd sent food with her I'd be a bit peeved to be fair, there was definitely a happy medium somewhere in between the two.

Doesn’t sound like there was loads in the packed lunch. The kid was clearly hungry and a couple of slices of cake as a one-off is a nice treat! Of course you couldn’t tell her no while your family ate other/more food.

If the mum had given a reason such as intolerances, gastro problem, too much sugar etc. then fair enough but without that she sounds controlling and a bit ungrateful - can’t sniff at a free meal in these current times!

I must say she did eat rather a lot
But is the mother anorexic ?
She seems to have issues with food and probably calorie counts the poor kids food x

I'd also tell her next time ask someone else, I don't appreciate being spoken down too.

So rude of the mother. Poor child. Sometimes children eat more/less when in a different environment. Maybe she just hasn't ever seen cake at home by the sounds of her lunch as a one off it's fine and no harm done! Ignore the mum's message and leave it unanswered. She should be ashamed that she sent you that ungrateful message and rude message. I'm Team Jerkorpeark!

She did seem to eat a lot but if her mother is keeping her hungry she is probably making up for it.

There is a thread at the moment about a SIL being a competitive undereater and some of the stories on there about mothers keeping their kids short of food are heartbreaking.

There seemed to be a lack of complex carbs and fat in the lunchbox, which a kid of 7 will sorely need.

Is there such a thing as anorexia by proxy?

When I was little I had a friend who was never allowed sweets at home and was therefore famous for having absolutely no control around treats when out. She ate the candle off my 6th birthday cake. This kind of situation does not end well - not least because sources of normality in kids' lives (like you) tend to fade away as people who are controlling around food are hard to be around. I hope she has friends who feed her carbs in her future!

Who knows what people are battling with. I'd just say" I'm sorry, I should have checked with you first" as I probably would have done the same as you and offered more food but, in hindsight could see I should have checked first. Even if I was doing her a favour. Her email is a bit off, but still, I'd just apologise and move on.

Her mum didn't give her enough lunch for a 7 year old ... My 4 year old eats more than that for lunch.

I would think it's more likely the mum has food issues and I'd be worried about that

Actually that reminds me of when I was 9, I went to a friend's house to stay for a weekend and dinner was 1 fish finger, a tablespoon of peas and no joke 6 chips .... They also didn't do breakfast apparently.

I was so starving that when I got home I ate everything I could until I puked.

My friend was always skinny but I thought she was just naturally thin.

Yeah, I guess you could call it that.

My mother spent all of our lives (still does) "being good" or "being naughty". She was always trying to lose weight, despite never being massively overweight in the first place. When we had egg and chips my sister and I would get 6 chips each until we were ten then we got ten chips. I am not making this up, I wish I was.
I am a recovering (ish) anorexic and my sister is a compulsive over eater.

If it werent for the fact that we didnt have friends overnight (or ever) I would wonder if you had been to our house with the 6 chips thing!

Just say this. I.e., “X finished off all her food and asked if she could have some of what we were eating. I didn’t want her to go hungry so I gave her some.”

I don’t think you need to say sorry. She obviously didn’t provide her with enough in her pack up. If she asks again and you’re willing again, say only if she eats what you’re offering instead of a pack up because it’s not fair otherwise.

As a one off it’s hardly going to hurt her. They might have been weeny slices for all we know

What was the lunch you gave her?

Maybe she ended up being ill that night. My friend's daughter has stomach issues which they're currently trying to figure out the triggers, so she tends to pack her "safe" foods for when she's away from home.

Mad! I’d have been so grateful that you were so kind and generous.

That suggested reply is pure genius.

Oh you've reminded me! I was invited to a friend's house for dinner after school. Dinner was one of those Chicago Town deep dish mini pizzas done in the microwave. Just that. No chips. No bread n butter. Just a small pizza.

I was so hungry I could have eaten the dog by the time I got home. She was very skinny too. Her whole family was.

"there wont be a future time" should get the message across.

She sounds very rude and patronising

One of my son's friends used the come play and he was ALWAYS hungry. My kids had eaten at his house once and I know the mum was a health nut, but they said the supper was plain pasta with... soy sauce (which isn't even healthy). They were well off and she did not work (so not money or time issue) plus they had a nanny. So I just gave the boy an extra sandwich. I don't think he told her.
But once I did treat her kids to an ice cream from a van outside school when giving them a lift - I would treat my kids on a Friday. She did tell me next time she preferred I didn't do that and gave me a snack to give him instead (fruit or something probably). Fair enough, she was perfectly polite about it, but I then couldn't buy my own kids an ice cream on Fridays if I had her kids! They loved ice cream but knew their mother didn't approve.