To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

@S0livagant we had the carrot cake one at work and it had SLICES of actual carrot (soaked in syrup) in it. I'm a big fan of cake but I couldn't eat it

Like these ones

This.

I think the whole thing has alarm bells ringing. You say the mum is a friend - does she have issues with food? Would you be able to approach her about her daughter's health.

A petite 7 yo could easily be being underfed at home. A form of abuse if the level of control the mum seems to be employing is constant. Do you know anyone she goes to school with? Might be worth enquiring there.

This is one of those cases where if the child starves to death or grows up with an eating disorder you'll wish you'd noticed the warning signs.

Slices!? Just why? Ours looked like those, it was a chocolate one I tried but couldn't eat.

Sounds like a lot of extra food. Was she missing a meal by being at yours?

The child probably doesn't get to it what you had in your house regularly which is why she "gorged"
One of my dds friends is like this. She comes from a healthy eating only family.

Presumably nothing to stop someone cutting one of the slices?

I admit I've never been to Costco so have no idea about these cakes!

This screams food issues to me.
The mother providing a restrictive packed lunch at all is odd.
The child is clearly hungry.
OP, I'd be over the moon if you looked after my children in such a lovely way. You've given her a lovely treat day.
What harm!

That's weird. I'd have no issue if that was my kids and I always have food for guests. Never had a reaction like that in 19 years.
Allergies aside obviously.

My dc goes to a club with a friend friends parents drop , I collect. Dc Always has tea first. Dropped to her friends normally as they're eating ( but I have to he elsewhere and they agreed this ) it's a standing joke now that dc will say they are hungry on arrival to get some of what they have. Dc is absolutely not hungry though. That's kids the other parents don't mind nor do I.

It sounds like the mum is very controlling over food. The packed lunch doesn't seem particularly well thought out for a growing child. Mine would be hungry. It's what a 1200 calorie dieting woman would eat. No wonder she wanted 2 slices of cake, she probably knew she'd not get the opportunity again.

I'm imagining op didn't give her 2 massive wedges tbh, as most people with a healthy attitude to food who have met a child before wouldn't. Plus she only ate one and a bit. I couldn't get het up about it, but then we are a "no food is bad" household!

I think the second slice of cake was too much. And yes, if your guest is 7, you absolutely can (and should) refuse them an excess of cake! That's part of being the sensible adult in charge. It could have made her feel sick.
That said your friend's attitude was pretty bad. That and the packed lunch thing makes me wonder if it's one of these situations where she thinks you over feed and had tried to mitigate, like you get in all these threads about MiLs who give the children loads of sweets.

If she thinks that of her friend, imo, she shouldn't ask her to babysit. I wouldn't leave my child with someone I didn't trust.

I think the mum is overreacting especially as she didn't give you any guidance except handing you a lunchbox. If it was my child I would have laughed and said it was toast for dinner as you've eaten X out of home today 🤣

I agree. But when people ask this in reverse ("DC always gets given loads of junk at so and so's house, what can i do?") the advice often seems to be to tell them what DC should have to eat or ask them not to give the treats.

I think we can work out why she was hungry - her mother clearly had issues around food as long as there are no allergies. Good grief, poor child, it's a one off and I bet she had a whale of a time. I'd definitely bite back at the mother, she's bloody ridiculous.

I'd be over the moon if you not only looked after my child, but also fed them.

Maybe when it's your mother or close relative and they have form and you've asked them nicely before. In this situation? Plain rude!

It does sound like a lot of good and the mum giving her food should have been a clue she is precious about it. I think an extra lunch + cake (more than one slice) + popcorn is a lot.

The mum's text is rude though and she could have just not send child to you again if that bothered.

Given the wording of her text as I would be inclined to say "I get that you may not be happy with what she ate but your text comes across slightly ungrateful so I'm future perhaps you make alternative arrangements"

there are two things here.

the packed lunch was inadequate/ speaks to control issues by the mother.

My 2 yr old is a rake and would eat this for lunch and prob want a snack in an hour.

unless it was a huge chicken breast that’s 100-150cals max, cheese is maybe 100.
the soreen is the only carb and is 122cals with 24g carb. So 300-400 cal meal which is too low.

she needs about 1200 - 1400 per day
so 400-600 cals per meal maybe more if breakfast is cereal.

so yes it’s was probably “a lot” but even if it was 1,200 total it’s still only a 600 cal excess on a regular meal (approx 600cals) as a one off / because she is permanently low level hungry due to her mother under feeding her.

She was incredibly rude
there is a way to say things and this wasn’t it.
the fact she hasn’t sent a follow up to temper her initial arseholey message says a lot.

I’d legit be reconsidering the relationship to the point I don’t think I’d reply. Ever.

My kids would have been still hungry after that! Is this woman a close friend? I can't imagine messaging someone who's done me a favour like that. I wouldn't reply and I certainly wouldn't look after her child again!

Sounds like the mum controls her food quite strictly and possibly the child is hungry as a result.

This, if it keeps an unsure child happy and it’s a treat then no issue! The text saying next time Is hilarious

In future?.does she mean she is planning to use you as free childcare on a regular basis?.
Tell her to get to fuck., the cheeky mare

Anyone who has ever been kind enough to look after my child I wouldn't give a second thought to what they eat in their home especially when its a 1 off. Plus a child of is old enough to know if they are hungry or to say no thanks I'm full!

Wouldn't bother me and even if it did I wouldn’t be so bloody rude as to send an email like that. If she had a problem with the child getting extra food she should have mentioned it.

Do you want to annoy her back? Reply to her: no worries, it won't be a next time, LOL.
I would just ignore and decline the pleasure of being her free childcare next time she ask, today was the food, tomorrow can be a scratch on the kids knee.
If the feeding caused a real issue there are thousands of ways to approach you with better manners.