To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

I was not referring to the child, though I quoted her meal as being pretty joyless (because it is), nor am I building a good relationship with food for her - as you say, not my job. The point I was making is that a great number of people on this board see food as only about nutrition, not about pleasure. But food is one of the ways in which we have enjoyment. My late DH would say 'not every meal is going to be a taste explosion' but that it should taste good, encourage you to eat and encourage a good relationship with food which is something you can enjoy. Occasionally one may eat to excess, and there are penalties for that, so that one learns not to eat too much cake. Earlier I remarked : 'and shall there be no more cakes and ale?' suggesting that a lot of people on this board are Puritans about food and this is not building a good relationship with food, either. Enjoy it, for Heaven's sake. It was only a couple of slices of cake and some popcorn. The child ate to repleteness, which is correct.
Another point is that 'nice' foods should not be put forward as only being 'treats' as this deeply builds a bad relationship with food. All food should be a treat - it should look, taste and feel good, be moreish, as well as nutritious (being nice does not mean it's not nutritious).
NB I wouldn't wish a Soreen bar on anyone as part of a lunch, a bit gooey and full of sugar. A yoghurt, a whole piece of fruit etc would be much nicer.

Exactly what I think.

I personally would have been more concerned from the OP pov that the child was given grapes to eat by her mother! ! A grape stuck in a child’s airway is far more of a hazard than 2 slices of cake. I say this from experience from working in AE aand also personally choking on a grape when I was 21 …luckily my medic colleague did a fantastic chest thrust to remove it!
Absolutely no child on my watch is allowed grapes !

I think I noticed they had been cut up which I think helps?

Personally I’m not a great admirer of the Soreen bar but that would be being anal to criticise others for something relatively small in the scheme of life - a bit like the occasional slice ( and a half!) of red velvet! 😂

Her 2 yo would be hungry because she is used to her mum stuffing her with junk food.

Yowl🙀

She said the packed lunch was what her 2 year old daughter would eat. This was a 7 year old. There is at least the implication it was not enough. And the child asked if she could try some of OP's lunch. If I give someone a plate, that does not mean a plate full of food, but a PLATE on which some food will then go. Whatever was on the plate the child ate it all and then had room for a slice (size unknown) and a bit more of cake. I think she sounds either hungry or starved of nice food at home - i.e. her DM sees food as fuel not something you actually enjoy. Terrible attitude to food, if that's the case. Lot of Puritans on here, btw, who seem to think eating food because you enjoy it is a sin. It's not.

Oh yes, maybe she gave her a plate with nothing on it.. I hadn’t thought of that, actually come to think of it, that’s obviously what op meant after all.. she gave her an empty plate of nothing.

OR.. she asked to try some and op gave her a plate of it assuming she would leave what she didn’t want (which is exactly what she said) but the girl was either hungry enough for that (maybe didn’t realise there was going to be cake after) or felt too polite to leave anything behind. And then she was given cake.. then given more cake..

giving two dinners and two puddings to a 7 year old is extreme and unnecessary, OP only stopped giving her stuff when she physically couldn’t eat any more..

To be honest I’ve known a few people like OP, they are genuinely well meaning and lovely people, they offer you something, then when you say ‘yes please, but only a small bit’ because that is what you would like, they give you a massive piece, or they pile your plate high cause they assume you were being polite in asking for a small piece/small dinner. You then feel awkward and rude if you don’t eat it all, it’s an easy trap to fall into, even worse if you are a child and don’t know your hosts very well. I just say no now, because they can’t be trusted to just take what you say at face value.

there’s being kind and respecting peoples choices, then there’s being kind and thinking you know better as to what they want/need and give it them regardless, op is obviously in the latter category.

Still a board full of food-Puritans, though.

They are everywhere. It’s because we have the luxury of being faddy in this day and age.

I would reply. To this part : Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

I'd say there won't be a future as I won't provide free childcare again then I'd block her.

Am I just old or is blocking incredibly childish ( unless a creepy stalker)?

It depends. But this woman seems intent on spoiling for a fight in messaging the OP so aggressively and then demanding a reply when she didn't get one.

I wouldn't want to hear what she said back or ever see her again so I'd block

I just see it mentioned a lot. I totally get it if it is a stalker type issue; but sometimes it comes across as “ I’m not your friend now” or “ I’m not talking to you anymore” which sounds a bit Year 2 or 3 to me.

I wouldn't call liking good basic food faddy. I'd choose the child's lunch over the Costco cake anyday because I'd enjoy it. Chicken, grapes and cheese taste nice. Soreen bars are okay, I'd happily eat one if hungry.

Gold star for you

Personally I'd eat that lunch and the cake because life is too short! And I might even put the chicken in a sandwich. Can you believe it. Outrageous.

You have no idea how much the mum put on her plate or how big the cake slices were - or even how much food volume was in the packed lunch.

I'd put the chicken in a pitta myself, yes. I wouldn't eat the cake because life is too short to eat food that doesn't taste nice.

Ooh pushing the boat out with a whole pitta.

Cake does taste nice and I'm sad for anyone who doesn't like it.

I like cake, many kinds of cake. I don't like cake that tastes nasty.

Mums lunch has no carbs in it so 7yr was prob hungry

What did you eat /her 2nd lunch

One slice of cake fine

Prob wouldn't have given her a second slice a

So if you like it why are you being so awfully judge about it? Just because you don't like a specific cake?

I've never had a Costco red velvet cake (I'm not that invested in the brand of it tbh) but at the end of the day it's still a cake. Demonising it is weird.

@S0livagant

in YOUR opinion it tastes nasty Hun, you can’t speak for everyone

Don't worry, it won't happen again BECAUSE I WON'T BE LOOKING AFTER HER!

I'd only use pitta bread if it was fresh and warm - cold pittas are nasty. What did the child have to drink?