Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have given her extra food?

928 replies

jerkorperk · 18/06/2024 19:52

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about Blush The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

OP posts:
Reugny · 21/06/2024 09:35

sandyhappypeople · 21/06/2024 09:19

She sent a packed lunch with her child.. I think the instructions were pretty obvious.

i think people are being purposely obtuse on here (‘it’s one slice of cake etc!’) no one is saying she couldn’t have given her a bit of extra food or a slice of cake.. but she gave her another plate of dinner, two slices of cake and some popcorn.. it was way too much.

yes, she seems to have done it out of kindness, but not knowing the girl very well then giving her all that food to eat is really quite odd IMO.. almost like she thinks the girl needs feeding up beyond what is normal.. well that’s not OPs decision to make, and obviously caused a problem somewhere along the line.

Show quote history

I don't know who brought you up but if have a guest who is hungry regardless of their age and you have food you give them food. It doesn't matter if they brought some of their own food with them.

If the parent only wanted the child to eat the packed lunch then they should have said so and then the OP could have simply refused to look after them.

My DD has intolerances, and some of my nephews and nieces have allergies. Anyone who looks after them is told of them and sometimes they come with some of their own food. It doesn't mean they aren't allowed to eat more food.

sandyhappypeople · 21/06/2024 09:53

This is what I’m talking about, people being purposely obtuse.. with an insult thrown in to boot, thank you for proving my point.

Yes, you offer them food, you don’t give a 7 year old double what they just ate + 2 slices of cake + popcorn.. it’s like common sense has gone out of the window.

Incidentally I highly doubt ’more food’ was the issue, and most likely wouldn’t have been an issue, it was way too much more food that seemed to be the issue, which prompted the response.

FWIW, according to op, the girl never said she was hungry, she asked ‘to try’ what op was having, the cake was given anyway, then more was given ‘because she enjoyed it’ the amount of food given was determined by OP, not the child being hungry or even asking for it.

there is a happy medium in there with fault on both sides IMO, but people on here are being ridiculous saying op did nothing wrong.

Ottervision · 21/06/2024 10:06

sandyhappypeople · 21/06/2024 09:53

This is what I’m talking about, people being purposely obtuse.. with an insult thrown in to boot, thank you for proving my point.

Yes, you offer them food, you don’t give a 7 year old double what they just ate + 2 slices of cake + popcorn.. it’s like common sense has gone out of the window.

Incidentally I highly doubt ’more food’ was the issue, and most likely wouldn’t have been an issue, it was way too much more food that seemed to be the issue, which prompted the response.

FWIW, according to op, the girl never said she was hungry, she asked ‘to try’ what op was having, the cake was given anyway, then more was given ‘because she enjoyed it’ the amount of food given was determined by OP, not the child being hungry or even asking for it.

there is a happy medium in there with fault on both sides IMO, but people on here are being ridiculous saying op did nothing wrong.

People are allowed opinions. I personally don't think op did anything wrong. I'm not being deliberately obtuse. I'm looking at it from the pov of a parent. And if op fed my child that much (and I'd provided a ridiculous tiny lunch) I wouldn't give a shiny shit. I'd say, thank you op for looking after my child she's had a lovely day. Like anyone would who is polite to someone doing them a favour.

I am allowed to have an opinion just as you are.

Cariadm · 21/06/2024 17:51

Procrastinates · 18/06/2024 19:57

Gosh that's quite a lot of food in the space of an afternoon especially the fact she had two slices of cake on top of two meals.

I'm sure her mum was happy you could have her but I can see why she was a bit annoyed about the quantity of food she ate in just a few hours.

Also of course you can tell her she can't have any more surely you do that to your child too?

She offered to have the child for a 'friend' and was not told of any allergies or special diet requirements, ie vegetarian etc...As an 'older' person I find it very odd that the child was given a 'packed lunch' to go to a friend's house with in the first place and would have felt insulted that she didn't trust me enough to be able to feed her child one meal!😏If you don't mind me saying your comments sound as 'controlling' and uptight as those of the mother of the chid in question!! 🙄

Cariadm · 21/06/2024 18:04

Badassnameforadojo · 18/06/2024 20:02

I wouldn’t have given her two slices of cake and I’d be annoyed if you did that with my child.
Your child is much younger but you’re going to have to learn to say no. Two slices of cake is too much for a child, especially after eating a full pack lunch plus whatever other stuff you handed her.

For heaven's sake, it was ONE MEAL!!! 🙄What the heck is all the fuss about?! If the mother is sooooo controlling that she can't or won't even allow another person to decide what to give her child to eat for one meal then she will have a problem going forward when there are lots of playdates etc!! As a 76 year old great-grandmother even the notion of a child taking a packed lunch to someones house (who has OFFERED to look after that child!) seems (a) insulting and (b) totally unnecessary!!! 😏The mother's response and attitude in her message to her 'friend' (who was just being kind and friendly and I am sure that she wouldn't have shovelled MASSIVE slices of cake into the child's mouth or given her a heaped plate of food) was rude, thoughtless, arrogant and frankly to me, worrying! 😱

Wills890 · 21/06/2024 18:07

jerkorperk · 18/06/2024 19:52

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about Blush The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

It would be the last time I babysat for that rude bitch! How ungrateful (unless the child has allergies). Fancy her saying "in future" as well, as if she's assuming there will be a next time. Tell her to jog on!

Cariadm · 21/06/2024 18:09

OohCookedPerfectly · 18/06/2024 20:14

What the mum provided sounds like a toddler meal to me. No wonder the girl was hungry!!

Exactly what I thought! Chicken breast, fruit etc and I'm not sure how big a Soreen bar is although I think it's malty so very little carbs which is worrying and more than a little paranoid and controlling to my 76 year old mind?! 🙄😱

Wills890 · 21/06/2024 18:10

iamtheblcksheep · 18/06/2024 20:04

What was in the packed lunch?

The mother is clearly bloody paranoid about weight. Gorging on cake?

She’s clearly keeping her kid on the hungry side.

You mean starving her so she doesn't get fat...at the age of 7. Let's hope not!

Cariadm · 21/06/2024 18:18

Notreat · 18/06/2024 20:16

I don't think a few slices of chicken breast a few grapes , a couple of cubes of cheese and a and a screen Bar is very filling for a 7 year old child

Show quote history

My observation entirely and as someone else mentioned it sounds like she hasn't moved on from feeding her child 'toddler' portions!! 🙄TBH she sounds like a controlling and slightly paranoid 'weight/size' freak to me! I am 76 and have a totally different attitude to this whole episode anyway as even the notion of giving a child a 'packed lunch' to take to someones house seems both insulting and unnecessary and unless i had been given direct and detailed instructions re dietary needs of a child I would have done exactly same as the OP...for the record I don't imagine for one moment that the extra portions of food/cake given would have been overly huge and the mother is not giving any credibility to the intelligence or judgement of her so called friend!! 😏

ScribblingPixie · 22/06/2024 09:49

As an 'older' person I find it very odd that the child was given a 'packed lunch' to go to a friend's house with in the first place

Me too. As a 70s child, going to someone else's house was an opportunity to be part of a different family for a while, try new things including new food, see how other kids lived, draw some comparisons with home life and subconsciously learn a great deal. The main thing my mother was concerned about was me being a polite guest.

Calliopespa · 22/06/2024 11:20

ScribblingPixie · 22/06/2024 09:49

As an 'older' person I find it very odd that the child was given a 'packed lunch' to go to a friend's house with in the first place

Me too. As a 70s child, going to someone else's house was an opportunity to be part of a different family for a while, try new things including new food, see how other kids lived, draw some comparisons with home life and subconsciously learn a great deal. The main thing my mother was concerned about was me being a polite guest.

Edited

80’s child here and I completely agree. How things change… and I’m honestly not sure it’s all for the better but you can’t tell the “ empowered “ generations that.

Soboredofdiettalk · 22/06/2024 13:27

lamptabletv · 22/06/2024 12:27

Ooooo I'm famous 💅 😌

Poll on there says 51% child's hunger should be prioritised, 3% parents advice should always be followed 45% depends on the situation and 1% not sure (if anyone is wondering and doesn't want to vote)

RoxysWalkInCloset · 22/06/2024 18:02

She's gonna give the daughter food related issues. If its not an allergy, did she just not want her having sweets? The kid was obviously still hungry.

Original poster
jerkorperk · 22/06/2024 20:03

I thought you'd be interested to know that she obviously hasn't seen this thread

She followed up her last message to me with 'No response to this?'

I have now left it quite late to reply anything at all!

Anyway, hopefully she realises her mistake but I don't think she ever will - it is clear I am the one in the wrong, in her eyes

OP posts:
Fudgetheparrot · 22/06/2024 20:09

jerkorperk · 22/06/2024 20:03

I thought you'd be interested to know that she obviously hasn't seen this thread

She followed up her last message to me with 'No response to this?'

I have now left it quite late to reply anything at all!

Anyway, hopefully she realises her mistake but I don't think she ever will - it is clear I am the one in the wrong, in her eyes

Omg the absolute gall! You are probably doing the right thing in just not responding to her madness but I would be raging and tell her so

PossumintheHouse · 22/06/2024 20:10

jerkorperk · 22/06/2024 20:03

I thought you'd be interested to know that she obviously hasn't seen this thread

She followed up her last message to me with 'No response to this?'

I have now left it quite late to reply anything at all!

Anyway, hopefully she realises her mistake but I don't think she ever will - it is clear I am the one in the wrong, in her eyes

What a cheeky bitch. 😂 Send her a photo of a nice, juicy red velvet cake.

poetryandwine · 22/06/2024 20:15

You could show her the Bored Panda poll.😄

NotSoHotMess24 · 22/06/2024 20:30

She's still obviously seething days later 😬😂Be glad you're not her, she's obviously got issues.

MummyJ36 · 22/06/2024 20:31

The BALLS. I would just not reply. Keep her sweating / getting annoyed. And truly never ever have her child over again.

Jacopo · 22/06/2024 20:41

Definitely do not reply. She is a fool. And never entertain the child again.

pictoosh · 22/06/2024 20:41

Again with the 'addressing paid staff' tone.

What a self-important prick she is.

Reugny · 22/06/2024 20:48

Cariadm · 21/06/2024 18:09

Exactly what I thought! Chicken breast, fruit etc and I'm not sure how big a Soreen bar is although I think it's malty so very little carbs which is worrying and more than a little paranoid and controlling to my 76 year old mind?! 🙄😱

Show quote history

They are little bars of sugar. You may as well give a child a penguin.

They don't fill you up in the way bread, potato, pasta, rice or couscous would with chicken and vegetables e.g. tomato, cucumber.

Ilovecleaning · 22/06/2024 20:48

PossumintheHouse · 22/06/2024 20:10

What a cheeky bitch. 😂 Send her a photo of a nice, juicy red velvet cake.

Show quote history

Definitely got a self important stick up her arse! Do not reply to her last text. How dare she ask ‘ No response to this?’ Who the hell does she think she is?

And ‘gorge’ is her word not he child’s. A word chosen to insult you.

And ‘in future’ made me LOL. How can she possibly imagine you would look after her child again?

ToxicChristmas · 22/06/2024 20:49

No way would I reply to that twatty message. Who does she think she is?! She can go fuck herself. I hope she sits brewing over the lack of answer. No skin off your nose anyway -she's lost a friend who would help her with childcare, you've lost someone who thinks the world revolves around her and speaks to you like shit.