To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

Send her a link to this thread or a link to any news article that has been written from it.

She’s really got issues hasn’t she.

I think not replying to the first message was correct but I think now I would respond . Something like “I wish that you had made it clear if you had strict requirements around her eating. I wanted DD to feel comfortable and happy here while you were away and, as she indicated she wanted the food and seemed still hungry after consuming what you had supplied, I let her join us in what we were eating. I think it’s better you find an alternative babysitter next time, as this has clearly left us both feeling upset. “

The problem with the articles is I thought they actually skewed the thread with the quotes they gave.

I wouldn't be able to resist replying because I'd think my not replying makes her think I'm ashamed of myself and she was right.

I'd probably say something like "No, I didn't respond because I don't accept I did anything wrong and you're extremely rude to have treated my doing you a favour in this way."

But not responding is probably the more mature approach!

You haven't left it too late to reply at all.

I think I'd reply something like, "I guess I was stunned into silence by your rudeness towards me after I did you a favour."

And I am of Otter’s opinion too.

I recently collected one of my dcs from a playdate and they had washed and brushed their hair after a swim. I wasn’t too thrilled because there had been a case of headlice in the class so the sharing of the brush was not really ideal from my perspective. Had they texted to ask etc, I would have said please don’t worry -or even I’d actually rather do it at home for x reason ( which would NOT have been “ because I’m worried you are the nit suspect.”) But by the time I found out it was done. It would have been crying over spilt milk and a rude way to repay the kindness of hospitality.

If the play date is repeated I will probably send a brush or mention in advance please don’t bother with the hair wash as I like to do it at home etc. But to say it at the time is totally rude. And to follow up the first text complaint with a prompt for an answer is mind-bogglingly bad manners.

Yes it is a “ paid staff” tone ( and actually quite rude even in that context).

Oh yes! I like this better than my suggested draft ! I think it’s perfect.

Second lunch, fine. Second slice of cake, not fine.
I feed visiting children a normal healthy diet including the odd ice cream or cake, but unless it’s a birthday they don’t get extra portions of the sweet stuff

<slow hand clap>

I wanna be like you.

As a one off I think it was fine. Her mother was bloody rude . I would definitely reply to her with something like " I did you a favour and took care of your lovely daughter , she was still hungry after eating the packed lunch you provided so I fed her and gave her some cake as a treat because we were having some & I didn't want her to feel left out. There won't be any "in future " to stick to due to your rude and ungrateful manner. I did you a favour - I thought as a friend, but you seem to think I'm the help. Now you know I'm neither. "

Don't reply. She'll go bonkers.

I agree. She is goading for a fight and would have played this out in her head ever since sending the previous text.

theres nothing you can say that will change her outlook. However not responding will leave her wound up tighter than a spring.

Each time she needs someone to mind her daughter she will be fuming she didn’t ‘Shame’ you into being submissive.

I would even go a step further and block her. Have a short, smart reply prepared if you see her again at school. Then walk off and don't engage further.

I don’t agree with the suggestions to ignore after she’s been pushed again for a response. It just makes op look like she hasn’t got one- and she has.

Nah. That's response enough when somebody is being unreasonable.

Maybe just reply 'Don't worry. It won't be happening again' and leave it at that.
She can decide if that means 'because i won't look after them again' or 'because I have taken your critism on board'

Agree. Silence speaks volumes. FIL who we were NC with would constantly try and get a response from DH with nasty texts and social media posts. We totally ignored all of it and it pissed him off so much. In my eyes, silence says that the question or comment isn't worth a response. I wouldn't argue with someone making such a ridiculous and rude comment, it's a waste of time. I wouldn't be looking after their child again anyway so what's the point. She can stew.

Dear C.F. 'friend',

Please don't use the word 'gorged' when describing someone eating cake or similar. It's unnecessary and you will fuck up your kid with that attitude.

On second thoughts, silence is probably best, but god it's tempting!

What a CF! You are not in the wrong at all, as you say it was just a nice treat, yes maybe the 2nd piece of cake was a bit much but she didn't even finish it. I'd text back and let her know you'll no longer be able to offer to look after her kid when she's stuck for childcare!

For future reference always text the parents if they want them to eat extra .always text they are not your child some parents don't like their children eating at people houses don't judge them is their chioce .

Maybe send her a picture of the world’s tiniest violin to go with the tiny lunch she sent.

Reply with a tumbleweed GIF!

She probably ‘hoovers up’ food on offer because it’s restricted by her mum at home.

"What sort of response are you waiting for other than "did you mean to be so rude?""
Maybe the MN reference will bring her to this thread

If it is a parent's choice that they don't want their DC to eat at other people's houses they shouldn't ask them to look after their children for them.

At first I thought that the child had eaten far too much but when I read what the mum had packed for her child's lunch I thought it was rather meagre for a growing child.

However, I think 2 slices of the cake was a bit OTT but I wouldn't have said anything.

I am probably in the minority here, but I find Costco cakes sickly sweet and very artificial tasting.

I agree that silence is probably the best reply but I would be tempted to reply with @MissScarletInTheBallroom's response, along with "the lunch you provided was not sufficient for a growing 7 year old, and it was clear that she was still very hungry"