DH in a bad mood because I'm home late?

[syndromeImposter]

I've just started a new job, huge step up so I'm not my usual pre organised self.
Messaged DH last minute at 5 saying I was out for drinks with a client, that I'd be later than normal. Asked if he needed anything. He requested beers. Messaged hour later asking again if he needed anything, he said take away. There were no good take outs near. So picked up beers, salad, chicken and pizza from a nearby deli and headed home.
Messaged an hour and a half later saying I was on my way with beers and pizza and he lost it.
Saying if I told him earlier that's all I was bringing in, he would have driven out to get food & beers - that he didn't want to wait for deli pizza?
Have I done something wrong or is it just because I'm late?

If my OH came home with beer and pizza I wouldn't complain. Seems an over the top reaction but most of us have odd moments and bad days from time to time.

Why isn't he getting supper ready if you're working late?

Why did you keep asking him if he needed anything?

The problem is that you treated him like a child and he reacted like one.

Time to sit and talk when not hangry and sort out who is responsible for dinner what nights.
I always found having a pre cooked dinner or two in the freezer helped for nights like this.
DH likes to make soup so we freeze some of that for a quick meal.
It will take some adjustment to the new routine but you did nothing wrong.

He should be supportive of your new role, not acting like a big baby. Next time get him to sort out dinner if you're delayed.

You messaged at 5. Then an hour later. Then an hour and a half later. Then headed home.

Was he holding off on eating since your second text, thinking you were on your way home then? I think he might have been in a bad mood because he was hungry rather than because you were late. If your first text had said 'I'll be late home go ahead and eat without me' it might have avoided the situation.

Yes, why were you even offering to pick things up for him?

Were you clear you weren't heading home at the time you texted? If DH asked me if I needed anything I'd assume he was on the way back now, not 2 hours later.

He’s being a dick. You need to tell him to pull his head in. This is the nature of your new job and you are not his staff member. He can order his own pizza in the future.

I'd rather put it in the bin and buy myself a sandwich than bring him food after that. What kind of dick loses it over a bloody pizza?

To be honest I'd assume "later than normal" to mean a bit later, not 2.5 hours later. And I'd assume you were about to head home straight after he "do you want anything" message.

This is probably about bad communication. You would have been better to say "don't know how long I'll be, sort your own food out" in the first place.

Surely when you weren’t back after 2.5 hours he’d have messaged to check all ok and see if you wanted anything doing after such a late finish.

Listen, the only thing you did wrong was offer to pick up things for him when you were otherwise engaged. He’s a grown man, he can fend for himself when you’re not there. Next time let him run his own errands when you’re working.

If DH would doing this, he would piss me off.

Call me to tell me you are going to be late, polite.
Calling repeatedly and adding 1 hour each time? Very annoying.

Come, don't come, but stop messing around.

What were you doing in the 1.5 hours between picking the stuff up and heading home?

im prone to hanger. I hate being left waiting for food. I’d have got annoyed too. If you’d just told me you weren’t on the way I’d have got something and been fine. Is he the same?

Wouldn't you be miffed sat home awaiting a late tea and beer? He assumed you were at the shops then heading home.

I think you need your stop treating him like a child. If you are working late he is old enough to arrange his own dinner. If you want to get him some beef on the way home that should be as a surprise and not asked from him in advance.

He said he would have gone out for his own beer and pizza. It sounds like you kept him hanging on for a few hours waiting for a take away pizza that you offered to bring but you didn't bring. I see his point.

I think you need to assume now that whoever is home first cooks.

Wonders if anyone is actually reading this properly. First part fine you said your going to be late did he want anything..then quite frankly it looks like your taking the piss staying out even longer, constantly asking what he wants, he's probably starving by the time you get anything which still needs cooked anyhow. Totally get the point easier to have said Gona be really late do you Wana grab yourself a beer and takeaway rather than keep asking what he wants and not getting it anyhow

I thought that.
But no need for him to lose it as he could have rang back and asked if he felt OP was late

even this is not super helpful. You still need to say you are going to be late ^and don't know what time you are home".

I don't cook the same thing is diner is to be served in 20 mn, or reheated in 3 hours

Poor DH, it must be terrible not having hands and dependent on someone else to feed and water you.
Assuming he does in fact have hands, he behaved terribly.

wow, projecting much?
Did you even read the OP?

We meal plan, so he had everything in to make tonight's dinner. He decided not to have that.
I was asking if he needed anything, like a beer, chocolate, snacks.

I think it is a bit unreasonable to repeatedly make your partner think you'll be home very soon - so they keep waiting for you to get tea together, rather than knowing that they should go ahead and just have tea by themself.

However depending on what you mean by "and he lost it", he may be being very unreasonable too.