DH in a bad mood because I'm home late?

[syndromeImposter]

I've just started a new job, huge step up so I'm not my usual pre organised self.
Messaged DH last minute at 5 saying I was out for drinks with a client, that I'd be later than normal. Asked if he needed anything. He requested beers. Messaged hour later asking again if he needed anything, he said take away. There were no good take outs near. So picked up beers, salad, chicken and pizza from a nearby deli and headed home.
Messaged an hour and a half later saying I was on my way with beers and pizza and he lost it.
Saying if I told him earlier that's all I was bringing in, he would have driven out to get food & beers - that he didn't want to wait for deli pizza?
Have I done something wrong or is it just because I'm late?

If he’s at home and you’re still out working surely he should sort his own food and it would be thoughtful of him to prepare bits for you too

He's an ungrateful loser. He shouldn't be comfortable speaking to you like this

I would message my husband to let him know I would be late so that he could plan what time to have my dinner ready after I’d had a long day in a new job. Why is the bar set so low?

brought=BRING
bought=BUY

But OP is the one who offered to bring home takeaway and who kept messaging him asking if he wanted anything

I personally would consider being 1hr 15mins to 2hr 15mins home late quite alot and if you didn't clarify this in the first message asking if he wanted anything I would assume you were leaving shortly and wait to have dinner with you etc. had I of known you were still going to be a couple of hours I would personally rather know so I could plan dinner accordingly, I would be annoyed too

I don't know if you're in the wrong here; but surely you do?

How would you react if he said he was going to be a little bit late and asked if you wanted anything picking up; then an hour later said "do you need anything" then an hour and a half later finally said "I'm on my way home now do you need anything?"

If you were messaging me I'd assume after the first message you don't intend to be long, and then on the second message I'd assume you were on your way then.

If he'd gone and got himself a takeaway and not you, because you haven't said how long you'd be - how would you feel?

Poor communication.

If I was hungry and holding off on getting myself something to eat because I was waiting for my partner to come home with a delicious takeaway which she kindly agreed to get for us, I would also be a bit upset if she turned up at 8:30pm without it.

He's not mad that you're late....like he said, if he had known you were going to be that late he'd have just went himself for beers and takeaway, but what you've done is constantly call him or make it sound like you're just going home. The second time you called and picked up food....what did you do for 1.5hours to then have to phone and tell him yu we're now coming home? That's a huge wait and your deli pizza salad is laughable to a takeaway.

And he probably would have if she hadn't asked him what he would like brought back twice. Do you normally cook food when someone has told you they are bringing food back?

I 100% thought this too, in my head I saw an edgy woman constantly texting and trying to placate someone she knew would be grumpy with her by offering to buy him any snacks or food he wanted in the hope it might stop her getting shouted at.
I think in most equal relationships you just go "having after work drinks, will be late home, probably between 8 and 9, so feel free to have dinner without me and I'll sort myself out when I'm home". If he wants a takeaway he can go get it himself (unless they have kids in bed and then just get a delivery or cook the food available). It's a weird set of messages to send to a grown adult and also weird to feel like she'd need to bring him home something anyway. The only time I'd do it is if I was by an exciting shop like a giant tesco (we don't have one) or an M and S food hall and then I'd offer to grab a month's supply of percy pigs, but otherwise he knows where the shops and takeaways are, so him wanting pizza for dinner is not my problem

@syndromeImposter

"So picked up beers, salad, chicken and pizza from a nearby deli and headed home.
Messaged an hour and a half later saying I was on my way with beers and pizza and he lost it."

Could this have something to do with it?

Drinks with a client that runs after work for over 2 hrs? That seems extreme. I'd be peed off too, especially as those messages make it sound like you'll be home soon.

It’s his house too. He can clean it.

communication needs to be better as I’d be annoyed if I was kept waiting for food and the goalposts kept getting moved. He is a grown man and can make dinner for you when you work late and run the hoover over. He will survive.

I work some days 8-8pm so DH gets dinner ready for family when I walk in the door as our kid is 15 so he has mammoth snack when he gets home from school to keep him going. Then DH preps lunch for some days eg we will have salad one day and he will box up two salads for lunch next day so makes 5 meals.
He absolutely won’t clean the bathroom as it doesn’t seem to bother the boys in this house but other jobs he is on top of.

Exactly this.
Plus, WTF is he mithering the OP about being left to clean HIS house for HIS friends?
He needs a serious kick up the arse.

Ick.

maybe dump him Op?

OP set the bar herself though. If you offer to buy takeaway (rather than simply messaging "I'll be late; sort your own dinner") then it's not unreasonable to expect him to wait for it to arrive rather than cook himself.

If a woman had said her DH had gone out and left her to do all the cleaning for friends visiting, no one would tell her to stop mithering about having to clean for her friends and suggest she needed a kick up the arse - there would be a series of LTB.

The point is very much that it never IS a woman.

That is so unreasonable. If he said he would have gone out himself why didn't he do it in the first place. Your his wife, not his mother. You need to stop running after him. Explain how your job has changed th I be and he is a grown up and can look after himself. He doesn't sound very cairing. Not husband material. Be careful that you don't end up bending to his will.

If you are out working why isn't he organising his beer and food himself? I don't get why you keep asking him what he needs.

You should have let him nip out and get his own shit.

Op isn't married to a woman so your points a bit odd. He did the cleaning it's op who Decided that's why he's upset not that she kept ringing to say I'm bringing home a take out then brought stuff to cook at 8.30....he said he would have cooked if she had told him.

She wanted to bring him home something he didn't ring and ask her....probably feeling guilty she was out drinking

@jannier
i hope she didn’t feel guilty

She was having a drink with a client. But even if she wasn't, she doesn't have anything to feel guilty about.